Was that it? Is it done?
I have sat here, dreaming of what was, and wondering where it went. And i have spent days contemplating how to approach a life i know nothing about. I guess i can't grasp a sudden change for a situation that was my vantage over lots of things for so many years. I wanted to be mad, or angry, but, i wasn't. I couldn't be, to much greatness happened here and i am forever grateful, and will always cherish.
It was like one last deep breath, to take it all in one day...and as i exhaled, the breath was gone, and everything that came with it. Here i am, gasping for air again, and it seems as though some one is trying to make me learn how to breath underwater. I am not sure how to do that yet, and i am not sure why i can't breath lately...
But what i am sure of, is that i deserve a few more words.
8.23.2006
A Little Fun
Quess what this is..I updated a little, hope you people out there like change..
Don't know what this is a picture of?... ... . . .
1/2 cup vegetable oil, 1/4 cup water.
Then inverted..
More to come..
no random thoughts, sorry.
8.04.2006
And I'll shine or scream
Well, paranoid robots and and taste for chaos, and feeling of ecstasy has overwhelmed some sort of mayhem that has been running through my head. I guess you got to ask yourself if you believe what you see sometimes...
"Everyone saying different things to me, and everyones taking all they can"
So, i'll leave you guys something new....
I can't help but smile that its another day. If you see possibilities like i do, you won't ever sit back and drowned in anything that makes you unhappy. Example:
I decided to go and venture across the street to the "New China" food franchise, which is a little bit closer than up the road where i normally go to get some Tso Chicken and some shrimp lo mein. Well, i go there cause my roomates said it was equally as good as the other one, if not better.
Keep in mind, i am in like Flynn over at China Garden ok...they know me...and i mean they know me ok...i don't want to brag, but i am kind of a big deal there if you know what i mean.
So's i hit up this new joint right..on a whim, maybe for an adventure outside the norm. So instantly i am disapointed cause its a bit more pricey, and the cashier is skinny..um, dainty chinese guy...he looked like a cheap fashionable guy, whom might have been a gay ninja. So instantly the price, and the strange foriegner cashier; who is dissapointing because China Garden has a cute girl that works the counter, and now i am uncomfortable with the gay ninja who, in my head could do a counter attack back-flip move over the counter, landing into a dance move where he will shoot sprinkles and throw pink ninja stars around instead of devoting himself to taking my order. Which at this point was crucial. My stomach was like "yo, i'm wantin some noodles made from china aiight" So, like, i am ready to grub on some china at this point. And these possible aerobatic maneuvers i see the ninja cashier doing, make me uneasy, cause i just want him to take my order and have the guys in the back cook it in a wok and yell strange words at it while they cook, then laugh and look at me.
Finally the guy takes my order right after an uncomfortably long "moment" in which i conceived all the ninja thoughts. And of course the guys in the back do exactly what i wanted, which was talk crazy at my food and laugh and look at me. At which point i smile, but inside my head i'm going "god damn, what did they just say....ahhh i just want my tso chicken so i can get the fuck out of here."
But see its this moment that makes chinese food exciting, thats why i don't order it in advance and pick it up...i go in and wait. Thats what the true chinese food venturers do. Its the ambiance of the situation... So then ther is the wait...which for some reason, you are either by yourself, or there is one other strange person in the waiting/eating area with you. And its always quiet, god for bid you speak in that area damnit...you do not talk in that area..you wait patiently and meditate and look at the big picture of a scene somewhere in china that is on the wall. And there is only two tables in the whole resteraunt, and they are always on opposite sides of the lobby area, so, if you are by yourself, you just sit in the corner and zone out right..think about your food and how tasty it will be, and wonder what your fortune will say. But it there is someone else in the lobby, on the opposite wall, there is a new game you have to play.
This is where you practice the skills of not being noticed a room with bright white lights and nothing but two tables and two people trying not to act strange in silence. This game always seems to last alot longer than it should, and for some reason, no matter what, the other person always gets their food before you do, even if you were there 15 minutes prior.
Anyways, so i get my food finally, and get home to watch an indie film and eat my chinese food cause thats like a regular thing i do i guess. Well, they gave me no chopsticks, which instantly ruined the essense of the chinese food, and secondly, i don't know what kind of tso sauce they used but it tasted more like armpit sauce.
But, the moral in this which hopefully is not lost, was that you make the best of that situation right. Well, i drank my coca cola with ice and washed it down, ate my eggroll and said maybe my fortune cookie will tell me something cool. WRONG, you know what it said..nothing, cause they didn't give me one.
At this point i realized that i normally eat at the best chinese food place around town, and its right up the road. And i learned not to venture to new places for convenience, you go to trusted quality. You don't dare try a new chinese food place for a quality meal. You always try some other fools food when they order it so you can sample it.
What i took away was that the best chinese food around is up the street, and after eating armpit sauce from the gay ninja place, i am excited to go to China garden. It makes that place so much better now.
Anyways, yeah, go hit the flip side ya know, put a positive spin on things, and sometimes a little armpit sauce makes the Tso Sauce the greatest thing you'll ever taste.
Thats my uh...lesson to all of you for the day. absorb it like a sponge.
"Everyone saying different things to me, and everyones taking all they can"
So, i'll leave you guys something new....
I can't help but smile that its another day. If you see possibilities like i do, you won't ever sit back and drowned in anything that makes you unhappy. Example:
I decided to go and venture across the street to the "New China" food franchise, which is a little bit closer than up the road where i normally go to get some Tso Chicken and some shrimp lo mein. Well, i go there cause my roomates said it was equally as good as the other one, if not better.
Keep in mind, i am in like Flynn over at China Garden ok...they know me...and i mean they know me ok...i don't want to brag, but i am kind of a big deal there if you know what i mean.
So's i hit up this new joint right..on a whim, maybe for an adventure outside the norm. So instantly i am disapointed cause its a bit more pricey, and the cashier is skinny..um, dainty chinese guy...he looked like a cheap fashionable guy, whom might have been a gay ninja. So instantly the price, and the strange foriegner cashier; who is dissapointing because China Garden has a cute girl that works the counter, and now i am uncomfortable with the gay ninja who, in my head could do a counter attack back-flip move over the counter, landing into a dance move where he will shoot sprinkles and throw pink ninja stars around instead of devoting himself to taking my order. Which at this point was crucial. My stomach was like "yo, i'm wantin some noodles made from china aiight" So, like, i am ready to grub on some china at this point. And these possible aerobatic maneuvers i see the ninja cashier doing, make me uneasy, cause i just want him to take my order and have the guys in the back cook it in a wok and yell strange words at it while they cook, then laugh and look at me.
Finally the guy takes my order right after an uncomfortably long "moment" in which i conceived all the ninja thoughts. And of course the guys in the back do exactly what i wanted, which was talk crazy at my food and laugh and look at me. At which point i smile, but inside my head i'm going "god damn, what did they just say....ahhh i just want my tso chicken so i can get the fuck out of here."
But see its this moment that makes chinese food exciting, thats why i don't order it in advance and pick it up...i go in and wait. Thats what the true chinese food venturers do. Its the ambiance of the situation... So then ther is the wait...which for some reason, you are either by yourself, or there is one other strange person in the waiting/eating area with you. And its always quiet, god for bid you speak in that area damnit...you do not talk in that area..you wait patiently and meditate and look at the big picture of a scene somewhere in china that is on the wall. And there is only two tables in the whole resteraunt, and they are always on opposite sides of the lobby area, so, if you are by yourself, you just sit in the corner and zone out right..think about your food and how tasty it will be, and wonder what your fortune will say. But it there is someone else in the lobby, on the opposite wall, there is a new game you have to play.
This is where you practice the skills of not being noticed a room with bright white lights and nothing but two tables and two people trying not to act strange in silence. This game always seems to last alot longer than it should, and for some reason, no matter what, the other person always gets their food before you do, even if you were there 15 minutes prior.
Anyways, so i get my food finally, and get home to watch an indie film and eat my chinese food cause thats like a regular thing i do i guess. Well, they gave me no chopsticks, which instantly ruined the essense of the chinese food, and secondly, i don't know what kind of tso sauce they used but it tasted more like armpit sauce.
But, the moral in this which hopefully is not lost, was that you make the best of that situation right. Well, i drank my coca cola with ice and washed it down, ate my eggroll and said maybe my fortune cookie will tell me something cool. WRONG, you know what it said..nothing, cause they didn't give me one.
At this point i realized that i normally eat at the best chinese food place around town, and its right up the road. And i learned not to venture to new places for convenience, you go to trusted quality. You don't dare try a new chinese food place for a quality meal. You always try some other fools food when they order it so you can sample it.
What i took away was that the best chinese food around is up the street, and after eating armpit sauce from the gay ninja place, i am excited to go to China garden. It makes that place so much better now.
Anyways, yeah, go hit the flip side ya know, put a positive spin on things, and sometimes a little armpit sauce makes the Tso Sauce the greatest thing you'll ever taste.
Thats my uh...lesson to all of you for the day. absorb it like a sponge.
8.01.2006
Its ironic that we always wind up with something to post about the same time......
Its my mental stress free zone here....write away the problems, or ask questions i don't really want answers to. Or sometimes just to document a moment, or a feeling.
I would call now emptiness.....i worked all night and got home around 5am, and got some nice sleep till about 11:30am. Then laid around all day watching the shadow from the sunlight piercing the window stain my walls, and slowly melt across and down the room as the day went on.
Then when i wanted some relief from my meditative state of laziness...i went from A side to the B side of my emotions, as a situation of my meaning to most of my life was starting to dissolve. As the sun started to grow low in the sky and the shadows were fading in the night...so was what has existed as my strength. And by now, i feel as if most of it has dissolved...not gone, cause i will never lose it...just diluted into something that once was and is still there, but not on the surface anymore.
So, i went driving as i normally do to chase down my sanity and race my mind, hoping to find a finish line, or destination . And there it made sense that not all was lost... For tomorrow is another day of possibities. And times are a changing my friend, but all is not forgotten...but times have changed, and i look forward to tomorrow.
But nonetheless, i drink to you my sweet sweet sorrows....its the worst feeling to feel, but nice to feel the whole spectrum of emotions some times...cause it helpes me feel alive.
Its my mental stress free zone here....write away the problems, or ask questions i don't really want answers to. Or sometimes just to document a moment, or a feeling.
I would call now emptiness.....i worked all night and got home around 5am, and got some nice sleep till about 11:30am. Then laid around all day watching the shadow from the sunlight piercing the window stain my walls, and slowly melt across and down the room as the day went on.
Then when i wanted some relief from my meditative state of laziness...i went from A side to the B side of my emotions, as a situation of my meaning to most of my life was starting to dissolve. As the sun started to grow low in the sky and the shadows were fading in the night...so was what has existed as my strength. And by now, i feel as if most of it has dissolved...not gone, cause i will never lose it...just diluted into something that once was and is still there, but not on the surface anymore.
So, i went driving as i normally do to chase down my sanity and race my mind, hoping to find a finish line, or destination . And there it made sense that not all was lost... For tomorrow is another day of possibities. And times are a changing my friend, but all is not forgotten...but times have changed, and i look forward to tomorrow.
But nonetheless, i drink to you my sweet sweet sorrows....its the worst feeling to feel, but nice to feel the whole spectrum of emotions some times...cause it helpes me feel alive.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)