I figured I should explain some things...not really explain I guess, just fill in the blanks in case some one was wondering.
As most great adventures start, mine begins in a wonderful place I call the "folk". I have found myself here now, ripened, matured, and no longer regretting any choices that have been made, or come about in the recent years since any departure from Flushing. Thus, have settled into the "folk". And this is where the story begins.......
On my travels and adventures, i have come to learn that those who opposse your ideas are evil. And those who share your desires are comrades, and brothers in arms. However distant, never will be forgotten the stories of encounters between foes and friends, and thus the battle against good and evil will never be over.
On this day, I realize the distance has grown great between the old and new. But things are not forgetten. Life, as i know it to be, is moving faster than ever, and I am truly in my place now. And by in my place, i mean in my head, and not mixed up anymore. Location is meaningless in this equation, because you are you wherever you are. Which is something that i forgot for awhile.
But needless to say, location equals choices, and situations, that may be outside of previous geographical areas i previously subsided at. I have learned lately in my life that the individual mindset is how you manage to exist in any location and not regret the previous.
So to say as i must, i am in my place, and am moving about geologically as life permits. And i have established no location to be one worth returning to....yet....and this is where the journey starts...the quest if you will.....
And this is the beginning of "the Chronicles of Scott" an adventure story, of a wandering mind, and a desperation for new experiences. But the story as no text yet as it has only just began, and is at best just a great idea here in the Folk.. and casually, the main character sits..pondering..
remembering......
11.24.2006
Okay, Okay!/1
Yo, Gonzo. Ya anus got that wild flow, through ya pantihose, wearing cotton balls between ya toes, while yo mama picks out yo clothes.
Yo shits lighter than casper, colanoscapes got you on yo knees, asking the doc for mercy, cause its hurts me thinking about the stuff im saying, interviewed the docs, they had stars in their eye balls, "we'll be gentle with you until you remove your overalls".
on a serious note.. ill be calling you tomorrow scoots. magoots. toot fruits. lewgie flutes.
bed tyme while i rhyme space and time coke and lime.
Yo shits lighter than casper, colanoscapes got you on yo knees, asking the doc for mercy, cause its hurts me thinking about the stuff im saying, interviewed the docs, they had stars in their eye balls, "we'll be gentle with you until you remove your overalls".
on a serious note.. ill be calling you tomorrow scoots. magoots. toot fruits. lewgie flutes.
bed tyme while i rhyme space and time coke and lime.
10.26.2006
October Brings:
- New-old things.. like pumpkin pie or an abused Olds.
- Brisk mornings.. frost and sh!t.
- Mid-terms.
- Swift leaf death.
- Long, boring lists...
Anyway, the picture is from who knows where.. but it's mighty good lookin. Radial twist in yo face!
Homework time..
9.17.2006
You know, I try and be there for people. I really want to be that person. But, unless you explain what the hell you want from me...I can't help you.
And some mind game puzzle everyone tries to play lately is getting old. I'm starting to think maybe I made the right decision leaving home, or maybe I am just angry. But seriously....I mean seriously, I would like to think most people who know me can understand me enough to know what I care about at this point. Some do, some apparently don't.
thats all I gotta say and I am sorry for leaving an angry post...but like i have said before...moments of creativity and insanity, and well i just want to share the moment.
And some mind game puzzle everyone tries to play lately is getting old. I'm starting to think maybe I made the right decision leaving home, or maybe I am just angry. But seriously....I mean seriously, I would like to think most people who know me can understand me enough to know what I care about at this point. Some do, some apparently don't.
thats all I gotta say and I am sorry for leaving an angry post...but like i have said before...moments of creativity and insanity, and well i just want to share the moment.
9.16.2006
9.14.2006
Random space matter
I have few words to say. But, let me tell you this. When random space matter falls out of orbit and bumps you out of the gravity that holds you in place... Don't fret, because the laws of attraction will bring you another friendly conversation with a stranger, or a mysterious adventure in the night, a comfortable taste of chaos and a smooth drink to wash it all down.
Don't sing another sad song when a moment is gone, don't smoke your lungs, and please don't say good bye to everyone. please don't say goodbye, we'll miss you sweet angel. The devil does not exist and the stars will light the darkness in the night, and the shadows will disappear at first light.
vibrations, temptations, and medications for the mind. Theres no chocolate jesus to cleanse us this time.
its up to me and you, us and them, take a breath and let your wounds mend. and dream....don't stop dreaming
Don't sing another sad song when a moment is gone, don't smoke your lungs, and please don't say good bye to everyone. please don't say goodbye, we'll miss you sweet angel. The devil does not exist and the stars will light the darkness in the night, and the shadows will disappear at first light.
vibrations, temptations, and medications for the mind. Theres no chocolate jesus to cleanse us this time.
its up to me and you, us and them, take a breath and let your wounds mend. and dream....don't stop dreaming
9.01.2006
September.. tip-toe that sh*t.
precious..don't you think?
sorry, the title makes no sense..
more to come.. after the school/work sandwich.
8.23.2006
a few more Words
Was that it? Is it done?
I have sat here, dreaming of what was, and wondering where it went. And i have spent days contemplating how to approach a life i know nothing about. I guess i can't grasp a sudden change for a situation that was my vantage over lots of things for so many years. I wanted to be mad, or angry, but, i wasn't. I couldn't be, to much greatness happened here and i am forever grateful, and will always cherish.
It was like one last deep breath, to take it all in one day...and as i exhaled, the breath was gone, and everything that came with it. Here i am, gasping for air again, and it seems as though some one is trying to make me learn how to breath underwater. I am not sure how to do that yet, and i am not sure why i can't breath lately...
But what i am sure of, is that i deserve a few more words.
I have sat here, dreaming of what was, and wondering where it went. And i have spent days contemplating how to approach a life i know nothing about. I guess i can't grasp a sudden change for a situation that was my vantage over lots of things for so many years. I wanted to be mad, or angry, but, i wasn't. I couldn't be, to much greatness happened here and i am forever grateful, and will always cherish.
It was like one last deep breath, to take it all in one day...and as i exhaled, the breath was gone, and everything that came with it. Here i am, gasping for air again, and it seems as though some one is trying to make me learn how to breath underwater. I am not sure how to do that yet, and i am not sure why i can't breath lately...
But what i am sure of, is that i deserve a few more words.
A Little Fun
Quess what this is..I updated a little, hope you people out there like change..
Don't know what this is a picture of?... ... . . .
1/2 cup vegetable oil, 1/4 cup water.
Then inverted..
More to come..
no random thoughts, sorry.
8.04.2006
And I'll shine or scream
Well, paranoid robots and and taste for chaos, and feeling of ecstasy has overwhelmed some sort of mayhem that has been running through my head. I guess you got to ask yourself if you believe what you see sometimes...
"Everyone saying different things to me, and everyones taking all they can"
So, i'll leave you guys something new....
I can't help but smile that its another day. If you see possibilities like i do, you won't ever sit back and drowned in anything that makes you unhappy. Example:
I decided to go and venture across the street to the "New China" food franchise, which is a little bit closer than up the road where i normally go to get some Tso Chicken and some shrimp lo mein. Well, i go there cause my roomates said it was equally as good as the other one, if not better.
Keep in mind, i am in like Flynn over at China Garden ok...they know me...and i mean they know me ok...i don't want to brag, but i am kind of a big deal there if you know what i mean.
So's i hit up this new joint right..on a whim, maybe for an adventure outside the norm. So instantly i am disapointed cause its a bit more pricey, and the cashier is skinny..um, dainty chinese guy...he looked like a cheap fashionable guy, whom might have been a gay ninja. So instantly the price, and the strange foriegner cashier; who is dissapointing because China Garden has a cute girl that works the counter, and now i am uncomfortable with the gay ninja who, in my head could do a counter attack back-flip move over the counter, landing into a dance move where he will shoot sprinkles and throw pink ninja stars around instead of devoting himself to taking my order. Which at this point was crucial. My stomach was like "yo, i'm wantin some noodles made from china aiight" So, like, i am ready to grub on some china at this point. And these possible aerobatic maneuvers i see the ninja cashier doing, make me uneasy, cause i just want him to take my order and have the guys in the back cook it in a wok and yell strange words at it while they cook, then laugh and look at me.
Finally the guy takes my order right after an uncomfortably long "moment" in which i conceived all the ninja thoughts. And of course the guys in the back do exactly what i wanted, which was talk crazy at my food and laugh and look at me. At which point i smile, but inside my head i'm going "god damn, what did they just say....ahhh i just want my tso chicken so i can get the fuck out of here."
But see its this moment that makes chinese food exciting, thats why i don't order it in advance and pick it up...i go in and wait. Thats what the true chinese food venturers do. Its the ambiance of the situation... So then ther is the wait...which for some reason, you are either by yourself, or there is one other strange person in the waiting/eating area with you. And its always quiet, god for bid you speak in that area damnit...you do not talk in that area..you wait patiently and meditate and look at the big picture of a scene somewhere in china that is on the wall. And there is only two tables in the whole resteraunt, and they are always on opposite sides of the lobby area, so, if you are by yourself, you just sit in the corner and zone out right..think about your food and how tasty it will be, and wonder what your fortune will say. But it there is someone else in the lobby, on the opposite wall, there is a new game you have to play.
This is where you practice the skills of not being noticed a room with bright white lights and nothing but two tables and two people trying not to act strange in silence. This game always seems to last alot longer than it should, and for some reason, no matter what, the other person always gets their food before you do, even if you were there 15 minutes prior.
Anyways, so i get my food finally, and get home to watch an indie film and eat my chinese food cause thats like a regular thing i do i guess. Well, they gave me no chopsticks, which instantly ruined the essense of the chinese food, and secondly, i don't know what kind of tso sauce they used but it tasted more like armpit sauce.
But, the moral in this which hopefully is not lost, was that you make the best of that situation right. Well, i drank my coca cola with ice and washed it down, ate my eggroll and said maybe my fortune cookie will tell me something cool. WRONG, you know what it said..nothing, cause they didn't give me one.
At this point i realized that i normally eat at the best chinese food place around town, and its right up the road. And i learned not to venture to new places for convenience, you go to trusted quality. You don't dare try a new chinese food place for a quality meal. You always try some other fools food when they order it so you can sample it.
What i took away was that the best chinese food around is up the street, and after eating armpit sauce from the gay ninja place, i am excited to go to China garden. It makes that place so much better now.
Anyways, yeah, go hit the flip side ya know, put a positive spin on things, and sometimes a little armpit sauce makes the Tso Sauce the greatest thing you'll ever taste.
Thats my uh...lesson to all of you for the day. absorb it like a sponge.
"Everyone saying different things to me, and everyones taking all they can"
So, i'll leave you guys something new....
I can't help but smile that its another day. If you see possibilities like i do, you won't ever sit back and drowned in anything that makes you unhappy. Example:
I decided to go and venture across the street to the "New China" food franchise, which is a little bit closer than up the road where i normally go to get some Tso Chicken and some shrimp lo mein. Well, i go there cause my roomates said it was equally as good as the other one, if not better.
Keep in mind, i am in like Flynn over at China Garden ok...they know me...and i mean they know me ok...i don't want to brag, but i am kind of a big deal there if you know what i mean.
So's i hit up this new joint right..on a whim, maybe for an adventure outside the norm. So instantly i am disapointed cause its a bit more pricey, and the cashier is skinny..um, dainty chinese guy...he looked like a cheap fashionable guy, whom might have been a gay ninja. So instantly the price, and the strange foriegner cashier; who is dissapointing because China Garden has a cute girl that works the counter, and now i am uncomfortable with the gay ninja who, in my head could do a counter attack back-flip move over the counter, landing into a dance move where he will shoot sprinkles and throw pink ninja stars around instead of devoting himself to taking my order. Which at this point was crucial. My stomach was like "yo, i'm wantin some noodles made from china aiight" So, like, i am ready to grub on some china at this point. And these possible aerobatic maneuvers i see the ninja cashier doing, make me uneasy, cause i just want him to take my order and have the guys in the back cook it in a wok and yell strange words at it while they cook, then laugh and look at me.
Finally the guy takes my order right after an uncomfortably long "moment" in which i conceived all the ninja thoughts. And of course the guys in the back do exactly what i wanted, which was talk crazy at my food and laugh and look at me. At which point i smile, but inside my head i'm going "god damn, what did they just say....ahhh i just want my tso chicken so i can get the fuck out of here."
But see its this moment that makes chinese food exciting, thats why i don't order it in advance and pick it up...i go in and wait. Thats what the true chinese food venturers do. Its the ambiance of the situation... So then ther is the wait...which for some reason, you are either by yourself, or there is one other strange person in the waiting/eating area with you. And its always quiet, god for bid you speak in that area damnit...you do not talk in that area..you wait patiently and meditate and look at the big picture of a scene somewhere in china that is on the wall. And there is only two tables in the whole resteraunt, and they are always on opposite sides of the lobby area, so, if you are by yourself, you just sit in the corner and zone out right..think about your food and how tasty it will be, and wonder what your fortune will say. But it there is someone else in the lobby, on the opposite wall, there is a new game you have to play.
This is where you practice the skills of not being noticed a room with bright white lights and nothing but two tables and two people trying not to act strange in silence. This game always seems to last alot longer than it should, and for some reason, no matter what, the other person always gets their food before you do, even if you were there 15 minutes prior.
Anyways, so i get my food finally, and get home to watch an indie film and eat my chinese food cause thats like a regular thing i do i guess. Well, they gave me no chopsticks, which instantly ruined the essense of the chinese food, and secondly, i don't know what kind of tso sauce they used but it tasted more like armpit sauce.
But, the moral in this which hopefully is not lost, was that you make the best of that situation right. Well, i drank my coca cola with ice and washed it down, ate my eggroll and said maybe my fortune cookie will tell me something cool. WRONG, you know what it said..nothing, cause they didn't give me one.
At this point i realized that i normally eat at the best chinese food place around town, and its right up the road. And i learned not to venture to new places for convenience, you go to trusted quality. You don't dare try a new chinese food place for a quality meal. You always try some other fools food when they order it so you can sample it.
What i took away was that the best chinese food around is up the street, and after eating armpit sauce from the gay ninja place, i am excited to go to China garden. It makes that place so much better now.
Anyways, yeah, go hit the flip side ya know, put a positive spin on things, and sometimes a little armpit sauce makes the Tso Sauce the greatest thing you'll ever taste.
Thats my uh...lesson to all of you for the day. absorb it like a sponge.
8.01.2006
Its ironic that we always wind up with something to post about the same time......
Its my mental stress free zone here....write away the problems, or ask questions i don't really want answers to. Or sometimes just to document a moment, or a feeling.
I would call now emptiness.....i worked all night and got home around 5am, and got some nice sleep till about 11:30am. Then laid around all day watching the shadow from the sunlight piercing the window stain my walls, and slowly melt across and down the room as the day went on.
Then when i wanted some relief from my meditative state of laziness...i went from A side to the B side of my emotions, as a situation of my meaning to most of my life was starting to dissolve. As the sun started to grow low in the sky and the shadows were fading in the night...so was what has existed as my strength. And by now, i feel as if most of it has dissolved...not gone, cause i will never lose it...just diluted into something that once was and is still there, but not on the surface anymore.
So, i went driving as i normally do to chase down my sanity and race my mind, hoping to find a finish line, or destination . And there it made sense that not all was lost... For tomorrow is another day of possibities. And times are a changing my friend, but all is not forgotten...but times have changed, and i look forward to tomorrow.
But nonetheless, i drink to you my sweet sweet sorrows....its the worst feeling to feel, but nice to feel the whole spectrum of emotions some times...cause it helpes me feel alive.
Its my mental stress free zone here....write away the problems, or ask questions i don't really want answers to. Or sometimes just to document a moment, or a feeling.
I would call now emptiness.....i worked all night and got home around 5am, and got some nice sleep till about 11:30am. Then laid around all day watching the shadow from the sunlight piercing the window stain my walls, and slowly melt across and down the room as the day went on.
Then when i wanted some relief from my meditative state of laziness...i went from A side to the B side of my emotions, as a situation of my meaning to most of my life was starting to dissolve. As the sun started to grow low in the sky and the shadows were fading in the night...so was what has existed as my strength. And by now, i feel as if most of it has dissolved...not gone, cause i will never lose it...just diluted into something that once was and is still there, but not on the surface anymore.
So, i went driving as i normally do to chase down my sanity and race my mind, hoping to find a finish line, or destination . And there it made sense that not all was lost... For tomorrow is another day of possibities. And times are a changing my friend, but all is not forgotten...but times have changed, and i look forward to tomorrow.
But nonetheless, i drink to you my sweet sweet sorrows....its the worst feeling to feel, but nice to feel the whole spectrum of emotions some times...cause it helpes me feel alive.
7.30.2006
The Doctor and I
Well, we both took another break from posting, obviously. So I thought that I would inform you that this month (now aug) will be an awesome month..
First off, Brent, Scott, and myself will be spending a weekend together in Virginia.. should be just what I need.
Second of all, school is going to be starting in less than 30 days for me.. I'm excited but I have to admit that I enjoyed the break a bit more.
Thirdly, I'm BROKE!
So I dedicate this to Roland, my fun-loving financial planner who gets his cut.
I'll post again sometime soon, maybe to let you guys know how that trip went, or how my list of chores are going..
Random Thought: Tattoos are lame, no matter what.. especially little fucking porn-star bunnies... LOL! (yeah, fuck you)
By the way, I'm only directly referring to one person, but don't get me wrong.. tattoos are fucking lame. If this upsets you, call me. And I can explain to you how stupid your's is..
First off, Brent, Scott, and myself will be spending a weekend together in Virginia.. should be just what I need.
Second of all, school is going to be starting in less than 30 days for me.. I'm excited but I have to admit that I enjoyed the break a bit more.
Thirdly, I'm BROKE!
So I dedicate this to Roland, my fun-loving financial planner who gets his cut.
I'll post again sometime soon, maybe to let you guys know how that trip went, or how my list of chores are going..
Random Thought: Tattoos are lame, no matter what.. especially little fucking porn-star bunnies... LOL! (yeah, fuck you)
By the way, I'm only directly referring to one person, but don't get me wrong.. tattoos are fucking lame. If this upsets you, call me. And I can explain to you how stupid your's is..
6.28.2006
A True Hero
This dude is a freakin loon.. In the highest regard. Of course.
Salvador Dali, a Freak among men.
So, I'm looking to him for inspiration.. I just painted the background tones for an improv lake with a cabin dealy, atleast I think. That's where good ol' Salvie comes in.. I hope to dream the rest of the painting, finalizing it if you will. I found out a while back that he would set up a canvas on an aisle at the foot of his bed, wake in the middle of the night, and sketch and sometimes finish complete works of art. And for someone like myself, dreams are very vivid and worth the hours put into it. All in all, most of the dream is not retained and snip-its of visions remain. I can recall full dreams with vivid detail but lack the ability to transfer those thoughts into reasonable (atleast to me) drawings.. So I'll keep trying 'til I get it right? I guess..
Cheers Dali, you Freak..
You're like some uncle I was never allowed around during family get-togethers..
Thoughts in a Lonely room
and the world just keeps moving... laughter, and sorrow, and regret.. do we manifest our own illusions of helplessnes. Can we ever go back and change things to make them how they were? Do we ever get back all the moments we missed out on? will they matter forever like they do know?
Silence, and solitude... contemplating
more sober now then ever, and soberness makes things so much more clear, and clarity is so much harder to deal with. Future, past and present, all twirling around my head, mixed up and impossible to seperate. It leaves me so helpless sometimes.
and i am way to dizzy and weak to stand up right now... vodka and orange juice... fuzzy thoughts, and mellow moods...i miss cigarettes, or maybe my cigarettes miss me.
where would i be if.... if i wasn't here... would i be there? or still find myself in the same place.
or what about love? is she? she makes me feel...soo...
and i remember when we used to sit around the garage, smoking cigarettes, pondering alternatives, and questioning authorities, and running free into the nights. Blazing trails of mystery only altering substances could explain....and the laughter.
but, past is gone, and so is now....and right now... when will i catch up again and forget about time. A year and a half....possibility... and oppertunity...
time passed, and time better spent on better days, i just hope to wind up spending my time in more than one place, but not being so transparent. And having friends around again.
Silence, and solitude... contemplating
more sober now then ever, and soberness makes things so much more clear, and clarity is so much harder to deal with. Future, past and present, all twirling around my head, mixed up and impossible to seperate. It leaves me so helpless sometimes.
and i am way to dizzy and weak to stand up right now... vodka and orange juice... fuzzy thoughts, and mellow moods...i miss cigarettes, or maybe my cigarettes miss me.
where would i be if.... if i wasn't here... would i be there? or still find myself in the same place.
or what about love? is she? she makes me feel...soo...
and i remember when we used to sit around the garage, smoking cigarettes, pondering alternatives, and questioning authorities, and running free into the nights. Blazing trails of mystery only altering substances could explain....and the laughter.
but, past is gone, and so is now....and right now... when will i catch up again and forget about time. A year and a half....possibility... and oppertunity...
time passed, and time better spent on better days, i just hope to wind up spending my time in more than one place, but not being so transparent. And having friends around again.
6.26.2006
Double the Neglection
Figured I should have atleast one post for this month..
So I discovered a game called Guitar Hero, and I havn't been the same since.. And consequently, I'm typing a bit more proper than usual. Go figure.
Anything new with you? No? .. . . . Why not?
why not? huh? hmm?
All my friends are searching
Quiet, desperately
Look into their eyes you'll see the faithless crying
Save me, save me, save me
And what are they to feel
And who are they to be
And what am I to do with, do with me, but let the sun
Fall all over me
(some lyrics obviously..)
But anyway, Scott had the notion to post a little earlier than I..
So I bow to you my brother.. for we both work in the same wavelength..
Very soon is the time of celebration Bro-Man.
I still want to visit you too..
6.25.2006
Neglect
Ah... time to get freaky, hittin up the freak. I dont freak out enough anymore.
It feels good just looking at a cursor bouncing, and pondering the possibility it is anticipating.
I have been realizing alot of things lately. Like the small things i seem to have forgotten about. I talked to alot of people recently that i havent heard from in awhile, including my brothers and sisters. And i wondered how in the hell i have stepped so far away from my life.
Its simple though.... attraction. I feel like/am learning, that whatever you think of, is what you bring to yourself. I guess its positive thinking when it comes down to it. The more i told myself i didnt have time to call people, or sit down and type online for a few minutes, the more things came up that kept me away from doing it. And i applied that to so many things, i just didnt have time for anything that used to be me. So, recently, i have been trying to change all that. I don't want to forget about all the things that make me.. me?
But long story short, when i changed it all around and started thinking about all the stuff i wanted to do or get back into doing, i suddenly found myself with all this extra time with nothing to do. So the paints i have bought, and the neglected guitar, and the shorthanded journal, and the half read books, and the outdoor adventures, and the conversations with friends, and all the other stuff has been slowly working itself back intomy life. And it feels good.
I guess the moral of all this is the lesson. And i get alot of disbelief, or disregard when i tell people this. But life is what you make it, and you make it by thinking it and creating it. Cause i will tell you that when you see the bad and fear the sad, all you do is attract it to yourself. and vise versa.
Take it as you will.
Anyways, like i was saying about neglecting so much.... I want to be inspired not to do it to anyone anymore, and i am sorry if i haven't kept in touch with anyone who wanted to. Its important not to neglect things, cause you change, and forget.... and there is no quick fix to it, and sometimes, you can't fix it.
But, on a happy note, Cheers! to health, friends, good times, endless nights, and all the memories and the chance to make more!
It feels good just looking at a cursor bouncing, and pondering the possibility it is anticipating.
I have been realizing alot of things lately. Like the small things i seem to have forgotten about. I talked to alot of people recently that i havent heard from in awhile, including my brothers and sisters. And i wondered how in the hell i have stepped so far away from my life.
Its simple though.... attraction. I feel like/am learning, that whatever you think of, is what you bring to yourself. I guess its positive thinking when it comes down to it. The more i told myself i didnt have time to call people, or sit down and type online for a few minutes, the more things came up that kept me away from doing it. And i applied that to so many things, i just didnt have time for anything that used to be me. So, recently, i have been trying to change all that. I don't want to forget about all the things that make me.. me?
But long story short, when i changed it all around and started thinking about all the stuff i wanted to do or get back into doing, i suddenly found myself with all this extra time with nothing to do. So the paints i have bought, and the neglected guitar, and the shorthanded journal, and the half read books, and the outdoor adventures, and the conversations with friends, and all the other stuff has been slowly working itself back intomy life. And it feels good.
I guess the moral of all this is the lesson. And i get alot of disbelief, or disregard when i tell people this. But life is what you make it, and you make it by thinking it and creating it. Cause i will tell you that when you see the bad and fear the sad, all you do is attract it to yourself. and vise versa.
Take it as you will.
Anyways, like i was saying about neglecting so much.... I want to be inspired not to do it to anyone anymore, and i am sorry if i haven't kept in touch with anyone who wanted to. Its important not to neglect things, cause you change, and forget.... and there is no quick fix to it, and sometimes, you can't fix it.
But, on a happy note, Cheers! to health, friends, good times, endless nights, and all the memories and the chance to make more!
5.12.2006
Laws of Combat
Attribution: lost
I found this in the hall where I work. I do not know its source, but the sheet had been through several faxes, copiers, etc.
I found this in the hall where I work. I do not know its source, but the sheet had been through several faxes, copiers, etc.
MURHPY'S LAWS OF COMBAT
- If the enemy is in range, so are you.
- Incoming fire has the right of way.
- Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
- There is always a way.
- The easy way is always mined.
- Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
- Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
- The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
a. when you're ready for them.
b. when you're not ready for them. - Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
- If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.
- The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
- A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
- If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
- Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
- Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
- Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.
- Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
- If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
- When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
- Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
5.07.2006
Finally
This medium is
UNCLASSIFIED
U.S. Goverment Property SF710(1-87)ID# 7684
Translation...this is your average HP71 Hewlett Packard computer...
Why are things so complicated sometimes. Pointless labels for worthless meanings on simple objectives, in a world of chaos why do we add to the confusion and call it a computer.
anyways, lost at sea again, only not so lost, just cruising the carribean, listening to steel drums, and drinking fresh coconut milk on the beaches. Things are going quite dandy. I have come to some serious conclusions on life down here by meeting some extraordinary people, those single serving friends you meet by chance for only one night. But these ones had major impacts on my life to date....
Oh sweet beauty, wonderul eye openers, and path crossing perfection. The alignment was exact and thus the connection to everything I felt was out here was made.
Life's randomness can be so great, especially when you start to lose hope after almost two years of searching for something to new to experience. A one night conversation that started a revolution that helped get me on track again...a new hope...
Anyways, good stories to come...though lack of bandwidth, and random sailors waiting for this here computer, i must not be greedy and share. but one last comment mostly or el capitan...The weird get weirder my friend, and remember the moments of creativity and the moments of insanity, that is the backbone of freakship, and the fuel for exotic life...and just when you can't take the downs or the lack of self expression. The cosmos align, maybe only for a brief moment, but its those moments that you will remember, the ones that keep you searching.
But, keep the glory going that has become FREAKSHIP!!!
UNCLASSIFIED
U.S. Goverment Property SF710(1-87)ID# 7684
Translation...this is your average HP71 Hewlett Packard computer...
Why are things so complicated sometimes. Pointless labels for worthless meanings on simple objectives, in a world of chaos why do we add to the confusion and call it a computer.
anyways, lost at sea again, only not so lost, just cruising the carribean, listening to steel drums, and drinking fresh coconut milk on the beaches. Things are going quite dandy. I have come to some serious conclusions on life down here by meeting some extraordinary people, those single serving friends you meet by chance for only one night. But these ones had major impacts on my life to date....
Oh sweet beauty, wonderul eye openers, and path crossing perfection. The alignment was exact and thus the connection to everything I felt was out here was made.
Life's randomness can be so great, especially when you start to lose hope after almost two years of searching for something to new to experience. A one night conversation that started a revolution that helped get me on track again...a new hope...
Anyways, good stories to come...though lack of bandwidth, and random sailors waiting for this here computer, i must not be greedy and share. but one last comment mostly or el capitan...The weird get weirder my friend, and remember the moments of creativity and the moments of insanity, that is the backbone of freakship, and the fuel for exotic life...and just when you can't take the downs or the lack of self expression. The cosmos align, maybe only for a brief moment, but its those moments that you will remember, the ones that keep you searching.
But, keep the glory going that has become FREAKSHIP!!!
5.04.2006
4.23.2006
i woke up this time, confused cross-eyed signs
flip-flopped here and there, i could not find her anywhere
laying lucid landscapes luring lazy landscapers
playing with pitchforks, sickles, body scrapers
running to no admission to whom im only pissing
off this time with no record no future to lucidly cast
(while listening to seal-crazy and being pissed off at dreams and my right ear.)
but hey, "music is in a world within itself"
with this inner light to guide you, the troubles of yesterday pass you by like a leaf.
a leaf as free and the birds in the sky.
freedom with all its currents,
high currents and low.
(as you can guess, im extremely random today; i think this started after my improve milkshake at midnight last night)
(this part, i was listening to steviewonder-sirduke)
but a part of me wants to be tied down, but with someone worth sharing with.
someone who knows what that "L" word MIGHT mean but cant find the person.
but dont get me wrong, im troubled myself.
we all are in some respect, mainly thanks to the past.
screw the past..
(while listening to 38special-secondchance)
so now for something a bit more serious.
i woke up today and my ear is umm.. under construction... atleast i think something is in there.. more than a drum. i hope it goes away.. its kind of like having an iche - in your sinus..
no good.
so for some reason, i need to rank, thank you freakship.
so for all of you reading this... dont take me the wrong way.. im a dude. id do anything for my friends (you know who you are). i know how to treat someone with common sense and a good personality. thanks to my past, im still a little shy although trying my best to work on that. i dont try to judge but its my nature, thanks to my father. but its the way i use that knowledge thats differs him from i.
and if you truely knew me, youd know i have a terrible love/hate for my father.
on a lighter note.. its raining, and i cant stop thinking of the sun.
Random Thought: (dont take this post too serious, it was a random, and i mean random, series of thoughts in my head. if you do want to take this too seriously, then take into consideration that i typed what i thought, withought deleting)
flip-flopped here and there, i could not find her anywhere
laying lucid landscapes luring lazy landscapers
playing with pitchforks, sickles, body scrapers
running to no admission to whom im only pissing
off this time with no record no future to lucidly cast
(while listening to seal-crazy and being pissed off at dreams and my right ear.)
but hey, "music is in a world within itself"
with this inner light to guide you, the troubles of yesterday pass you by like a leaf.
a leaf as free and the birds in the sky.
freedom with all its currents,
high currents and low.
(as you can guess, im extremely random today; i think this started after my improve milkshake at midnight last night)
(this part, i was listening to steviewonder-sirduke)
but a part of me wants to be tied down, but with someone worth sharing with.
someone who knows what that "L" word MIGHT mean but cant find the person.
but dont get me wrong, im troubled myself.
we all are in some respect, mainly thanks to the past.
screw the past..
(while listening to 38special-secondchance)
so now for something a bit more serious.
i woke up today and my ear is umm.. under construction... atleast i think something is in there.. more than a drum. i hope it goes away.. its kind of like having an iche - in your sinus..
no good.
so for some reason, i need to rank, thank you freakship.
so for all of you reading this... dont take me the wrong way.. im a dude. id do anything for my friends (you know who you are). i know how to treat someone with common sense and a good personality. thanks to my past, im still a little shy although trying my best to work on that. i dont try to judge but its my nature, thanks to my father. but its the way i use that knowledge thats differs him from i.
and if you truely knew me, youd know i have a terrible love/hate for my father.
on a lighter note.. its raining, and i cant stop thinking of the sun.
Random Thought: (dont take this post too serious, it was a random, and i mean random, series of thoughts in my head. if you do want to take this too seriously, then take into consideration that i typed what i thought, withought deleting)
3.19.2006
Rebuttle
I eat my cereal with lyrical mind, tapping my fingers to the grind , grooving like sir-mix'alot, but moving like a robot when you drop your tots on the spot. but in the end i cant mend what you bend cause that ain't proper....im just a doctor.
3.15.2006
Rhyme:. like we used to
if my name were Abbeeb, I would plant my evil seed, in the village in the town, and all that you surround, like a viking in my boat, with these men ive built a moat, dont try and strep[tococcus] your throat, because i am merely a goat..
time for school.
what is you got, Scott?
time for school.
what is you got, Scott?
2.11.2006
Some kind of philosophy
I guess I always wind up here; confused, because it's easy to get caught up in the "not so me". I once sat in a seminar, and at the time I was sitting there it didn't have the same value as it does now. Now, it makes sense. With every great form of art, there is great expression. A person finding some media to provide them the path to expression. Now I realize why I write, even though its not with proper grammer, and my high school english teacher would cry after reading my total lack of correct puntuation with my famous triple period sequence to mark my pause in thought...
Nonetheless, as i said, i always wind up here, because "there must be a way to change, so this is all or nothing".
Once again, i find myself mixed up, and off the trail i was heading down. I got here on my own demise though, so, i'm not totally confused, but wanting to kick myself in the butt for getting scared into it. "You never know what the future will bring, cause it don't mean a thing". I think that qoute sums it up the best. I have been doing alot of thinking lately, about the future, and planning for it, or at least trying to get an idea. And it always depresses me. Why live for something you will never get to. The future is always ahead of you, and you will never catch up to it. Lately, i feel like i have been doing that, and it makes me feel so helpless, and so repressed because i always want to be there. And the longer i think about there, i miss out on everything here. Never working towards what i want. I guess i am just living ahead of myself.
I had an awakening, somewhere between a spiritual awakening, and an existential philosophy. Trying to find myself in myself, and trying to find the value of value. Trying to find an astrological answer in a place where the city blinds out the stars. Except for Orions belt which i can see clearly off my back porch through the orange stained night off downtown Norfolk. The whistles at the shipyard every hour for a break, bringing me back to earth, making me keep my feet on the ground. Its not like it used to be, when i could go off into outer space, and look back at the earth and think it wasn't that big.
Here i am though, relapsing, looking strangly into the mirror every morning shaving myself away for them, and i don't know who it is anymore. I mean, i know who it is, but, i question how i keep forgetting me so frequently. The politics, and the war, and the death, and this parade of paranoia i watch on t.v. makes me so delierious. I watch these images and they become this real world episode season premiere that everyone sits back and watches. The next day gossiping about it like it's even worth mentioning. But its not, its just the filler for this huge void we all feel in our lives. And this is the thing that is bothering me lately.
Between my lack of understanding in present time, and the void fillers i find myself stocking up on, only so i can announce them at any chance to make a connection with people is...empty... We should all have binoculars, and be staring off into space at night as far as we can, and discussing the possibility of it all, and living now for us, not living for the future for them. Maybe i am exactly where i need to be, for a realization, but i understand here is not me, i don't judge it against anyone else because it is the right place for alot of people.
"What root did it grow from, whos doing this, whos killing us... robbing us of life and light, mocking us at the sight of what we might have known.... does our world benefit the earth, help the plants grow, and the sun to shine........................ is this darkness in you too, have you passed through this night?"
....."i think its strange..you never knew."
(This is another post...slightly premature and not ready...but i'll post it now):
As capable as we are of using our mind and reason, and applying interpretation and experience to our existance....we still try to apply logic to our lives.
Someone said to me, "You are trying to apply logic to a situation that doesn't have any again." At the time, i didn't realize the magnitude of these words, and the pure infinate manifestation of how simple it was, and how much it makes sense. There is logic to life if you want it, but in reality, there is no logic. We can make money, fall in love, climb the highest mountain, dive deep into our minds, industrialize our civilization, and move technology to the brink of a new explosion of ideas. Logic yes, because we can say, i want to create new things, or i want to experience love in my life, or i want adventure. Its all there at our fingertips if we want it, we can choose any one scenerio and live it out for our insignificant 70-80 years of walking talking and breathing, but there is no logic to the whole situation.
There is only existance... And every scenerio that is available, exists only because we exist. And thats the simplicity. We exist, and there is a mess of chaos out there, and somewhere in between falling asleep and waking up every day...there is an answer in there somewhere, a reason...something.
I guess i shouldn't say reality in general..but in my reality...there is no logic. There is only existance, and by knowing this, and knowing that i am here to experience and be myself in this reality, i don't strive for any real answers...just ideas, and theories. Experience.....
I got in a jesus freak talk earlier today with someone, and i regurgitated lots of things i normally do, but today, for some reason, it made more sense to me. I find myself deep in a mess i can't really explain now. It lies somewhere in the realm of dreaming, or not being fully awake, mistified by random quantum physics/mechanics, string theory, collective consciousness, and thoughts creating the architechtural structure of our reality. Somewhere in there is faith and beliefs. None necessarily correlating to any one god in any distant plane or form. The essence of an understanding is there....maybe the basics, but i don't tend to act like i know my life, and that it is how i should live and that its a better idea than anyone elses. I just know it feels right. And so far, every once in awhile, i get a small piece of text, or saying that fits into whatever stage i am at...and i feel like i am going in the right direction.
Take god for instance. We have God, and religion. Branching from those...are Faith. From what i have gathered, christians (those that beleive god is almighty, and jesus is our savior and the son of god) figure, there is one god, and then choose a religion (a set rule system/belief system) that as far as they know is the best interpretation of the gods word, and what he means for us to do with our lives so that when we die, we can be one with god.
To me, faith is not believing in god, and that he is our savior. Faith is something that is in our heart, its either there or not. Its not learned, its inside us...however strong or weak it may be. Faith to me, is waking up and being inspired to live my life, to lead my life in a way that does not interupt someones daily routine or reality. Faith to me is believing there is something far beyond us, and to not get distracted from the possibilties and categorize our world into simple chapters and appendices.
I have faith that there is something all around us, that is so deep and so complex of an existance we can't even pick up on it. God is just one of those answers for someone who feels like there is more, but gave up on trying to find it. Not to say god is wrong, but its not the answer, well at least not to me. But maybe a part of the answer or at least a tangent that will help someone understand it all.
Using our minds to influence the world around us a huge part of new age human development, only because we are starting to realize there is connections to everything all around us, and since the beginning of time. Magic, witchcraft, quantum physics, God, string theory...all very similiar, some being more in depth..some just focusing on one idea.
Collective conscious. One multidimensioned web of mind and spirit. We see this connection when we here people talk about god. Prayers, being us sending our thoughts to god consciously. Magic, and witchcraft, using your mind and spirit to influence your reality, string theory, actually mentally creating your day to day reality. They are all so vast on their own scale...but have alot of the same simularities. And i realize i may go off on a tangent and throw something out that doesn't make much sense because i don't fill in the gap with examples, but i am hoping to fill in those eventually...just a big jumble in my brain right now...and i am trying to at least make a basic outline.
the things that meant so much have gone away, decayed and faded, and i look forward to find something to hold on to, something to remind me of you, but i can't find truth, only abuse in the lonesome skies, where the sun won't rise, and dreams die, i'm over here on there side, trying to hide.
[Missing subtext inbetween the text.....inbetween the dreams, inbetween the thoughts] if i woulda left everything i just wrote, anyone who would have read it would have seriously called a psychiatrist for me.
It feels like i walk alone. I act as if i am one of them, but the truth is i am only me, deep beneath. Trying to hide when i am in the open, and running away towards the same beginning. Holding on to nothing anymore, just looking for something to hold on to. I fell fast and am beginning to stand up slowly, but knees keep buckling, and my hands keep shaking,
She made me stellar, bringing me away from this gravity that keeps pulling me down.
Nonetheless, as i said, i always wind up here, because "there must be a way to change, so this is all or nothing".
Once again, i find myself mixed up, and off the trail i was heading down. I got here on my own demise though, so, i'm not totally confused, but wanting to kick myself in the butt for getting scared into it. "You never know what the future will bring, cause it don't mean a thing". I think that qoute sums it up the best. I have been doing alot of thinking lately, about the future, and planning for it, or at least trying to get an idea. And it always depresses me. Why live for something you will never get to. The future is always ahead of you, and you will never catch up to it. Lately, i feel like i have been doing that, and it makes me feel so helpless, and so repressed because i always want to be there. And the longer i think about there, i miss out on everything here. Never working towards what i want. I guess i am just living ahead of myself.
I had an awakening, somewhere between a spiritual awakening, and an existential philosophy. Trying to find myself in myself, and trying to find the value of value. Trying to find an astrological answer in a place where the city blinds out the stars. Except for Orions belt which i can see clearly off my back porch through the orange stained night off downtown Norfolk. The whistles at the shipyard every hour for a break, bringing me back to earth, making me keep my feet on the ground. Its not like it used to be, when i could go off into outer space, and look back at the earth and think it wasn't that big.
Here i am though, relapsing, looking strangly into the mirror every morning shaving myself away for them, and i don't know who it is anymore. I mean, i know who it is, but, i question how i keep forgetting me so frequently. The politics, and the war, and the death, and this parade of paranoia i watch on t.v. makes me so delierious. I watch these images and they become this real world episode season premiere that everyone sits back and watches. The next day gossiping about it like it's even worth mentioning. But its not, its just the filler for this huge void we all feel in our lives. And this is the thing that is bothering me lately.
Between my lack of understanding in present time, and the void fillers i find myself stocking up on, only so i can announce them at any chance to make a connection with people is...empty... We should all have binoculars, and be staring off into space at night as far as we can, and discussing the possibility of it all, and living now for us, not living for the future for them. Maybe i am exactly where i need to be, for a realization, but i understand here is not me, i don't judge it against anyone else because it is the right place for alot of people.
"What root did it grow from, whos doing this, whos killing us... robbing us of life and light, mocking us at the sight of what we might have known.... does our world benefit the earth, help the plants grow, and the sun to shine........................ is this darkness in you too, have you passed through this night?"
....."i think its strange..you never knew."
(This is another post...slightly premature and not ready...but i'll post it now):
As capable as we are of using our mind and reason, and applying interpretation and experience to our existance....we still try to apply logic to our lives.
Someone said to me, "You are trying to apply logic to a situation that doesn't have any again." At the time, i didn't realize the magnitude of these words, and the pure infinate manifestation of how simple it was, and how much it makes sense. There is logic to life if you want it, but in reality, there is no logic. We can make money, fall in love, climb the highest mountain, dive deep into our minds, industrialize our civilization, and move technology to the brink of a new explosion of ideas. Logic yes, because we can say, i want to create new things, or i want to experience love in my life, or i want adventure. Its all there at our fingertips if we want it, we can choose any one scenerio and live it out for our insignificant 70-80 years of walking talking and breathing, but there is no logic to the whole situation.
There is only existance... And every scenerio that is available, exists only because we exist. And thats the simplicity. We exist, and there is a mess of chaos out there, and somewhere in between falling asleep and waking up every day...there is an answer in there somewhere, a reason...something.
I guess i shouldn't say reality in general..but in my reality...there is no logic. There is only existance, and by knowing this, and knowing that i am here to experience and be myself in this reality, i don't strive for any real answers...just ideas, and theories. Experience.....
I got in a jesus freak talk earlier today with someone, and i regurgitated lots of things i normally do, but today, for some reason, it made more sense to me. I find myself deep in a mess i can't really explain now. It lies somewhere in the realm of dreaming, or not being fully awake, mistified by random quantum physics/mechanics, string theory, collective consciousness, and thoughts creating the architechtural structure of our reality. Somewhere in there is faith and beliefs. None necessarily correlating to any one god in any distant plane or form. The essence of an understanding is there....maybe the basics, but i don't tend to act like i know my life, and that it is how i should live and that its a better idea than anyone elses. I just know it feels right. And so far, every once in awhile, i get a small piece of text, or saying that fits into whatever stage i am at...and i feel like i am going in the right direction.
Take god for instance. We have God, and religion. Branching from those...are Faith. From what i have gathered, christians (those that beleive god is almighty, and jesus is our savior and the son of god) figure, there is one god, and then choose a religion (a set rule system/belief system) that as far as they know is the best interpretation of the gods word, and what he means for us to do with our lives so that when we die, we can be one with god.
To me, faith is not believing in god, and that he is our savior. Faith is something that is in our heart, its either there or not. Its not learned, its inside us...however strong or weak it may be. Faith to me, is waking up and being inspired to live my life, to lead my life in a way that does not interupt someones daily routine or reality. Faith to me is believing there is something far beyond us, and to not get distracted from the possibilties and categorize our world into simple chapters and appendices.
I have faith that there is something all around us, that is so deep and so complex of an existance we can't even pick up on it. God is just one of those answers for someone who feels like there is more, but gave up on trying to find it. Not to say god is wrong, but its not the answer, well at least not to me. But maybe a part of the answer or at least a tangent that will help someone understand it all.
Using our minds to influence the world around us a huge part of new age human development, only because we are starting to realize there is connections to everything all around us, and since the beginning of time. Magic, witchcraft, quantum physics, God, string theory...all very similiar, some being more in depth..some just focusing on one idea.
Collective conscious. One multidimensioned web of mind and spirit. We see this connection when we here people talk about god. Prayers, being us sending our thoughts to god consciously. Magic, and witchcraft, using your mind and spirit to influence your reality, string theory, actually mentally creating your day to day reality. They are all so vast on their own scale...but have alot of the same simularities. And i realize i may go off on a tangent and throw something out that doesn't make much sense because i don't fill in the gap with examples, but i am hoping to fill in those eventually...just a big jumble in my brain right now...and i am trying to at least make a basic outline.
the things that meant so much have gone away, decayed and faded, and i look forward to find something to hold on to, something to remind me of you, but i can't find truth, only abuse in the lonesome skies, where the sun won't rise, and dreams die, i'm over here on there side, trying to hide.
[Missing subtext inbetween the text.....inbetween the dreams, inbetween the thoughts] if i woulda left everything i just wrote, anyone who would have read it would have seriously called a psychiatrist for me.
It feels like i walk alone. I act as if i am one of them, but the truth is i am only me, deep beneath. Trying to hide when i am in the open, and running away towards the same beginning. Holding on to nothing anymore, just looking for something to hold on to. I fell fast and am beginning to stand up slowly, but knees keep buckling, and my hands keep shaking,
She made me stellar, bringing me away from this gravity that keeps pulling me down.
2.08.2006
Random Pic Post
So yeah, I'm not going to school today, shame on me.
I swear I'll go tomorrow.....
Aaaannnyyway, Enjoy..
1.23.2006
1.13.2006
Friday the 13th
I would just like to remind everyone of what today is..
Superstition aside, I tend to enjoy these rare calender dates.
But I need to get some sleep, just thought I would pop on for a sec.
Take care, be safe, and beware of your karma.
Random Thought:
When all else has been done and said,
Along comes Mr. Oysterhead.
When all else has been done and said,
In walks Mr. Oysterhead.
He's an inspiration, he's an inspiration,
He's an inspiration to us all!
Superstition aside, I tend to enjoy these rare calender dates.
But I need to get some sleep, just thought I would pop on for a sec.
Take care, be safe, and beware of your karma.
Random Thought:
When all else has been done and said,
Along comes Mr. Oysterhead.
When all else has been done and said,
In walks Mr. Oysterhead.
He's an inspiration, he's an inspiration,
He's an inspiration to us all!
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