Mood: Default
Motivation: Very Low
Drenched, soaked in a confusion. I just started driving, took some time to clear my head. Somedays, im fresh with new ideas, and others, i find it hard to understand anything. And its so hard to find anyone on the same level as me when im in a daze. Hard to make those connections sometimes.
The air is so thick, the world seems so heavy, and the noise is so loud. The glow from the darkness can overwhelm me so quickly. Throwing me of balance, and the water is to choppy to see my reflection anymore.
I went in and out of my dreams last night. Endless sleep cycles, leaving myself somewhere between supersonic and a coma i couldn't fully wake up from. In a way, i feel like im in a coma, waiting for that first breath of air when you wake up. Hoping you slept through the worst of times, and will wake up and everything will be different, and people will be happy to see that you're finally awake.
I saw a homeless man this morning, standing in the rain, and all i wanted to do was stop and hear his story. Despite his less fortunate situation with money, i saw him as nothing different than myself. I did notice some differences between him and i. His face was more understanding, more accepting of his fate. He was weathered, and ragged from an adventure he has lived longer than i could imagine. There was a moment where i envied this man, and i kept driving despite the fact. I envy the fact that he can sit back and watch the world move around him, the fact that his mind isn't wrapped up in the program the rest of the world follows, a slave who's completely free from the man, and probably didnt understand greed. The only time he interacts with people is when they read the sign, and give a piece of them to him, even if its just a smile and a pocket full of change. He only sees the good in people.
I want to stand in the rain, and watch the world move around me. I dont like being part of the confusion, part of the problem, or part of the consumption. It rots the mind to live in the world today. As far as im concerned, the human race is a dying race. Not physically, but spiritually. We have built an un-natural world for ourselves, and its throwing everything off balance. The only thing left is to fall into the general routine of destruction. Destruction of the mind, if thats even there anymore, and i feel that most people have lost that already and its too late.
I wound up at in the parking lot of Mcdonalds around 8am, i think it was the fourth mcdonalds off the highway on Independenence Boulevard. not that it matters. I didn't feel like eating the food i bought so ended up feeding the parking lot seagulls, and some other small black birds. I fed them in tradition of many a mornings in Clio, outside of town when we use to skip school. Same results everytime. One bird stealing the whole sha-bang for a bit while the others hungrily chase the biscuit threw the air. Anyways, its a time honored tradition only a few of us understand.
-- {Somewhere, between sleep and waking}
"I saw it in the distance, but there was nowhere to go. The man next to me was counting backwards from ten, i was trusting his timing. The shockwave hit us in a flash, but instead of destroying everything in its radius, the blast was cold air, just a strong wind... Maybe even refreshing, maybe an explosion of something new. New feelings, new ideas, new experiences."
Its a new day, full of possibilities, possibilities i will chase after i do my laundry. I was driving to Mt Folly this morning, zoning out to my music, cruising at 55mph (cause thats as fast as i can go, otherwise my jeep feels like it will shake apart. I f'd it up last weekend doing a little offroading listening to some great four-wheeling anthem by ZZ Top... la grange i think.)
Anyways, i have driven this drive a a bunch of times, i love watching the roads change threw the fall, the trees getting naked for winter, the traffic clearing up since the beach rats are gone for the winter. Today, the road is empty, the trees were bare, and the air numbed my hand as i ashed my cigarette. There is something about this time of year that i love. Life just slows down, and there is this energy in the air. Some small particle reaction makes your body tingle, and you just feel buzzed. You get that pin needling feeling on your face, under the eyes, and on the tips of your cheeks. Times like that, i just take a deep breath, as big as i can, hoping i can hold a piece of that moment inside of me forever. Its moments like that, that make me who i am.
On another note...im coming home on the 28th. It's crazy, i spent a long time trying to get out, and here i am, being sucked back in. Honestly though, im looking forward to coming home. Its the last time i will get to see everyone before i go to experience another kind of adventure.
Besides that, i have nothing else to say besides is get ready to party like its 2005 when i come home. I want to hear everyones story when i come back, and maybe tell a few tales myself. But thats a given, being that i am a great storyteller and all. Anyways, see you all in ..... 7 almost 6 days now. Get plenty of sleep, and relax, cause we rollin all night and day when i come in town.
