Semi-Groovy

I just installed Photoshop 7 last night and I messed around with a picture taken in Virginia. Semi-Groovy and 2/3rds cool. More experimentation is required :)

Sitting Up At School

Sitting here in my bio lab.. I havn't done much but there wasn't much to do.

I just learned that my Excel project doesn't need to be completed. Awesome.

Well, it's my birthday and I don't feel 20.
Strange how time opperates.

Nothing much else.

Have a good Tuesday everyone reading this.

Ramble

This is somewhat random but it needs to be said.. Inspired by Sting and The Police.

(Don't Stand So Close To Me)
On My Past: One and a half years... worthless. In the span of a week, she changed everything about herself. And for what? To have a one night stand, to get wasted, to forget what she had.
You know I did say I loved her.. but obviously I have no idea what that is. And for all of those times she said it back, I just laugh now.
You can forget about us being friends. You can forget about us hanging out. You can forget about us.

(Brand New Day)(Let Your Soul Be Your Pilot)
On My Future: Well, I'm fixated on a very special person. She's smart, mature, and very interesting. Going to class is no longer a chore. I'd be content with friendship, but I wonder if there's room for more.
I wish I could speak my mind and heart to her. But fears and insecurities, for some reason, keep me from "spilling my guts".
It would be easier to write my feelings but that doesn't fix the problem.
If we wern't as distant, I'd bug her all day. But I'll give her space and time. No one wants to be rushed.

I feel bad being stoned all the time around you so I'll cut back.
And if I could do anything to show you how I feel I would act.



That's enough rambling for now.

Random Thought:

Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety
You could end up as the only one
Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society
At night a candle's brighter than the sun

Takes more than combat gear to make a man
Takes more than a license for a gun
Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can
A gentleman will walk but never run

If, "Manners maketh man" as someone said
Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say

a picture taken over a week ago. another one those upnorth pictures. the experience was amplified greatly by the flouresent gloves. praise be to thee gloves.

All In A Cup Of Coffee

I wrote alot offline the other night... Enjoy!>>

Hmm... No music to listen to. I guess I will have to shut out the steady chatter of this fine coffee shop with my own free will. (damn)

Sirens go by, and a girl stands on the median inbetween the two lane race way on both sides of her. She holds a sign covered with red white and blue jibberish, maybe it was something about honk for kerry. The speaker she is holding aimed at her prey, she continues to pour out something that sounds like frustration. I think it must have been a last attempt to express herself, and inlfuence others, maybe even encourage. Her attempt was lost in the noise of the road, and I keep driving and all that i can think about is her struggle to be heard.....
Is this what it has come to? Are we all so distant, so numb to others that we feel we must go this far to be heard? I guess sometimes you can feel so far away that you want to scream, just to see if anyone cares.

I guess there is always the other side, which is where everyone hears you, and you yearn to be far away. I guess i embraced this girls desperate attempt to be heard, only cause i envy that she can be so far away, so able to step out of the norm, and be so perfect in her failure, and not care. I'm out in the no one can hear me realm, and right now, i like that no one can hear me.
Embrace the silence.

(two day's later, i'm back, and i remembered my headphones..end result> MUSIC)

Here I am again... Same usual vibes, and nothin to really show for it yet. Still waiting i guess, not sure what for, just something. I wake up in such a startle sometimes, im not really sure why. I think i dream of things back home, and some one laying next to me in bed, and then i wake up, and no one is there. So dillusioned, i wake up empty as if i left a piece of me back there in Flushing. Then i get hit with this huge mountain to climb through the morning to get stuff done, so i can finally head out into the city, or beyond, trying to find whatever it was that has left me so empty inside. I just wish i knew what it was, what ever it is that i haven't been able to find out here yet.

There are times where i think maybe whatever it was that i left behind was supposed to stay there. Maybe, it helps everyone back home more than it will help me. I think/hope i left something for everyone in that town to hold on to, for whatever reason. I think we are supposed to go through life, leaving a piece of ourselves everywhere we go, to build on our life as much as the lives of those around us. I think everyone has a need to interact with others, I know i need to. It's not always about what a person says as much as what you take from what they say, and how it influences you, or me. I think there is always a multi-directional way to percieve something. That's why I can't judge a person or moment in one instance. My perceptions for life are to invloved to make decisions that quick. But having a general basis for your beliefs is always useful.

Back to where I'm at physically, my reality at this point in time. "Fairgrounds Coffee", in Norfolk VA. An upper story spot, overlooking a Starbucks across the little downtown street. This place attracts a different crowd, its more of a haven for societie's individual's, one's who are trying to find their way, or drive on the other side of the street. It's a mixing bowl of the youth culture, and that's why i like it. Good coffee, artistic ideas, acoustic chemistry between the aspiring musicians, and artwork meant for a coffee shop. This is all the flip side version of the corporate coffee shop across the street. It attract's the stereotypical businessmen, or abstract peronality. So boring with a manufacturer's touch on everything from the coffee cop, to the expensive neon sign. Posers in there own artificial clone of a coffee shop. Each worker wearing the same black shirt and ball cap, and identical green apron, all labeled as slaves for big business, and a bad coffee franchise.

The fact that this place is right across the street is ironic. You can actually sit up here and look out the window, and see people walk up to the corner of the block and look back and forth at the two coffee shops, and see some turn and walk into starbucks, and ther other's come here. Normally, you know who will cross the street and come here, and who is just another slave to propoganda, and cheap advertisements, and vulnerable to the deception of that big corporation. They are prolly Bush fan's anyways. And I sure as hell don't want to see any of them today.

It all comes down to this : Do want to experience culture in its most influencial moment, or stay across the street and pay 3 times as much to have a label on your crappy coffee, so some rich spoiled person can buy more land to build more shit on, cut down more trees, which eventually will make there coffee cups that they won't recycle, and in the end donate hundreds of thousands of dollars to the Bush/Cheney administration and or the next republican party candidate in four years that supports wealthy corporation owners and fucks everyone like me and you in the end.

Yes, all that came from sitting here in the coffee shop, drinking my "usual" double vanilla latte'.
There is always more on the flip side my friend.

Random>>

"Blah Blah Blah" the monkey says to the banana.
"Now that's a fair trade," replies the potassium filled fruit.
{the cigarette burned down to the camel's toes, the ash now smoldering between my two fingers..}

I snap out of a daze. I'm sitting on a small couch in the woods. There is a blanket of snow on the forest floor. The branches on the trees are swaying in the wind, the woods are alive with creeks and moans, as i notice the branches curling downward like long boney fingers...

"Scott, come check this out," Brent says in the distance.

I trudge through the deep snow, bewildered at the beauty of the forest, the tim burton feel of a strange forest at night. Just as i walk around the trees and onto the patch of ice that has been cleared of all the snow, i slip and fall, and when i do i blink my eyes out of reflex, and when i open them....

{In my garage, sitting on couches with Mike and Brent.}

"You gonna pass that?" Someone says.

"Yeah man, I'm straight. I just had the craziest thought man! About the time in the woods when we found the ice patch."

"What are you talking about man?" Mike says in a confused tone.

Brent interupts with, "We gonna go on that bike ride or what?"

"Wait a minute... that hasn't happened yet, its still summer. What the hell man, How is that...hold on...." I say, as i lean my head down to think for a second.

{I open my eyes and im staring at the TV screen. Animatrix is playing, and i don't understand}

I look to my right, and i see Ben and Brent and me at the kitchen table. I hear my alternate self say, "Psychadelic crumpet." Eruption of laughter
At this point, My other self see's me sitting on the couch, and than i hear him think to himself, "that's weird."
I get up to go to the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror to gather my thoughts. When I open the door, im at brent's house. Bobby says, "Scott, your freakin me out, im never doing these with you again."

{Now, im looking at a small bag, contents looking something like a dried fungus}

As i look at the bag, i think to myself, "i wonder what these are gonna be like?"

Later in the Evening>>

I feel like the all american boy. I was Cruisin in my Jeep down the highway, crossing the chesapeake bay bridge, the ocean on the left of me, blairing The Darkness "I believe in a thing called love". Eating ten, all white meat' chicken nuggets. Trying to get my cell phone to charge, and heading to Best Buy. I bought a Coheed and Cambria, and a dispatch CD while i was there, and played a very out of tune guitar, and jammed on the keyboards for a bit. Then i went to Goodwill, and some other little thrift stores, trying on some funky shit you can only find at a second hand dealer outlet like that. My only alternative to this, was to go to Salsa dancing lessons my friend was going to. Since i found it weird that he invited me to go Salsa dancing (supposedly hot girls go there he said) i turned him down. I think its the first and only time someone will ever ask me to go do that. To me, thats an activity you have to really be inspired to go do, its not an impulsive choice ya know? It's no plan B for the night. Besides, i was enjoying be all american.

Im staring at the ocean right now, its windy like a frog's fart (whatever that means) My car has so much empty fast food bags in it, the car is covered in mud, my back seat is filled with random clothes, empty boxes, cd's and dvd's, and other random things you collect in a car after awhile. My guitar is back there somewhere, Two old airfreshners hanging in the mirror, along with some old guitar strings and my dog tags. In fact, the only place to even sit is in the driver's seat. I look around and can only thing one thing. "Home Sweet Home!" I seriously live in my jeep right now. I even have a computer in here! Which is obviously what i am typing on right now. But yeah, if any of you knew me well enough back home, and had the pleasure of riding in the Baiyo Mobile, you know that only ride comfortably with lots of random things in my car.

Stellar thoughts

Well, this post has been lost a few times, so I will do my best to re-create it.

There are days where i can get lost in my head, and days like today that they give me direction to move another step forward in life.

It's strange a a clear day can open your mind, and your thoughts are so far out there floating around. Complex theories on life, and conflicting thoughts, losing your mind in the breeze as its carries your creativity in to space at night. You think outside of the stars, and across the galaxy.

Days like today the clouds roll in, blocking your thoughts from leaving your head. Holding all those dreams, and artistic manifestations back from eternity. Space doesn't seem so infinate anymore. The clouds hold those stellar thoughts in a realistic boundary, and its that cage in the mind where you begin to understand the rodeo that was goin on the days before. The rain refreshes the earth with a new beginning, gives the life the pure necessities for growth. And as the rain stops to fall, and everything slows down, and the ground absorbs the rain, you realize the earth isn't such a dry boring place anymore.

I guess even when you can't understand the world at the moment of confusion, the time will come where it all makes sense. It's as simple as "Faith in Chaos." It's how we experience this whole spectrum of human emotion we all want to feel. The the otherside is rough, so is the inbetween, But without seeing it all, you'll never be able to relate to it, and know what its like to miss one feeling to the next.

"Hollywood, coffee shops, I love frank, soul sista, frank do call me" says the colored lady in the daytona 500 UPS sponsored jacket. As the long haired guitar player goes with the ad lib from the strange woman... the song goes on.....and in a ways, somehwere in this labyrinth of my mind, it makes sense.

and absent from myself...a little confusion cocktail, i think I'm beginning to understand..

It started there, is happening here, and will end somewhere where the toilet flushes in the other direction... Maybe