Freak Ship

Well,

I can officially say, freakship is gonna make a comeback. Dr. Gonzo is finally back. Took awhile, but hey, a new laptop is hard to come by.

Anyways, what can i say about my life other than its in transition. I think back to the endless nights i spent with jared driving around in the baiyo mobile discussing a barrage of endless topics, mostly about our lives. I miss those days. However, the change was needed, and i had to make some sacrifices to achieve my own personal goals.

I remember those nights, sitting in the elbow room, writing as fast as my hand could write in my journal about my life, and trying to get out of flushing. I yearned experience, i wanted to hear other people's stories for once, instead of writing about my own. I strive for experience, i think its the only way we can individualize ourselves away from the security of a stereotype, or clique. Im not saying all of us in flushing were stereotypes, but we definately were all alike. Just creative individuals trying to express ourselves, trying to find a deeper, more meaningful humanity that doesnt exist in flushing. This is why we all must go see the world seperately. Our creative genius is to small for that town. But like i said, we will all be back there someday sitting in the same old places, enjoying eachother's company, and telling the stories about the people we met, and the places we have seen. Truth be told, the times we spent there, so carefree our gone.

Trust me though, its time to let go, bend your knees, and jump, and all i can say is brace for impact, cause that jump into life is a rush, and than it hits you, and everything makes sense. You have to get out of the passive observer mode. You can't sit back and assume you know yourself, or you know the world. I thought i knew all that, or at least had a good grip on it. I didnt. There are things i know alot about, and things i feel that no one can take away, but trust me, until you step out of your reality, and into another, you dont know what lies all around you, outside of everything you've known.

Its a trip. Pupils dilated, sweaty palms, strange people, strange conversations, reflections of old memories, connections to space and time, past and present, future, than an every growing chuckle that errupts into a neverending laughter spell, and at times its quiet.........an instant becomes an eternity.........and for some moments you see the beauty, and other times you see the complexity. But for the most part, you can only generalize it all into two words....its either crazy, or weird. and the peak, i know will be chaos, it always is, but it will all slow down eventually, and then i know i'll be able to see the truth behind it all. You will all understand to, you just have to dare to be great. Let it all take hold, and run with it, dont try to stop it, or sleep it off, just let it take hold.....

I dunno, i guess, at times its hard to be out here, doin my thing, missing out on memorable moments back home. But, sometimes you have to sacrifice some things. Its gonna take me awhile to spit everything out that i have been thinking about for the last few monthes. I can assure you i dont regret leaving, but dont misjudge that. If you know me, you know i needed to be on the move for awhile, im not sure how long just yet..... i will never forget the times, even though the times will change, the friendships will always last. I guess the best way to describe it is, i know my connections with all my friends back home, with my family, but what about the connection to ourselves? that is what i think alot of us never understand, which is why we can get so lost sometimes, why we forget, and why people stop caring. Your life is yours... dont let it get away, chase that shit down and jump on it like a fuckin pitbull if you have to!!

Its 3am, and the nights almost over.

Life as i can best put it for now...
>>the Dr.