Mood: Default
Motivation: Very Low
Drenched, soaked in a confusion. I just started driving, took some time to clear my head. Somedays, im fresh with new ideas, and others, i find it hard to understand anything. And its so hard to find anyone on the same level as me when im in a daze. Hard to make those connections sometimes.
The air is so thick, the world seems so heavy, and the noise is so loud. The glow from the darkness can overwhelm me so quickly. Throwing me of balance, and the water is to choppy to see my reflection anymore.
I went in and out of my dreams last night. Endless sleep cycles, leaving myself somewhere between supersonic and a coma i couldn't fully wake up from. In a way, i feel like im in a coma, waiting for that first breath of air when you wake up. Hoping you slept through the worst of times, and will wake up and everything will be different, and people will be happy to see that you're finally awake.
I saw a homeless man this morning, standing in the rain, and all i wanted to do was stop and hear his story. Despite his less fortunate situation with money, i saw him as nothing different than myself. I did notice some differences between him and i. His face was more understanding, more accepting of his fate. He was weathered, and ragged from an adventure he has lived longer than i could imagine. There was a moment where i envied this man, and i kept driving despite the fact. I envy the fact that he can sit back and watch the world move around him, the fact that his mind isn't wrapped up in the program the rest of the world follows, a slave who's completely free from the man, and probably didnt understand greed. The only time he interacts with people is when they read the sign, and give a piece of them to him, even if its just a smile and a pocket full of change. He only sees the good in people.
I want to stand in the rain, and watch the world move around me. I dont like being part of the confusion, part of the problem, or part of the consumption. It rots the mind to live in the world today. As far as im concerned, the human race is a dying race. Not physically, but spiritually. We have built an un-natural world for ourselves, and its throwing everything off balance. The only thing left is to fall into the general routine of destruction. Destruction of the mind, if thats even there anymore, and i feel that most people have lost that already and its too late.
I wound up at in the parking lot of Mcdonalds around 8am, i think it was the fourth mcdonalds off the highway on Independenence Boulevard. not that it matters. I didn't feel like eating the food i bought so ended up feeding the parking lot seagulls, and some other small black birds. I fed them in tradition of many a mornings in Clio, outside of town when we use to skip school. Same results everytime. One bird stealing the whole sha-bang for a bit while the others hungrily chase the biscuit threw the air. Anyways, its a time honored tradition only a few of us understand.
-- {Somewhere, between sleep and waking}
"I saw it in the distance, but there was nowhere to go. The man next to me was counting backwards from ten, i was trusting his timing. The shockwave hit us in a flash, but instead of destroying everything in its radius, the blast was cold air, just a strong wind... Maybe even refreshing, maybe an explosion of something new. New feelings, new ideas, new experiences."
Its a new day, full of possibilities, possibilities i will chase after i do my laundry. I was driving to Mt Folly this morning, zoning out to my music, cruising at 55mph (cause thats as fast as i can go, otherwise my jeep feels like it will shake apart. I f'd it up last weekend doing a little offroading listening to some great four-wheeling anthem by ZZ Top... la grange i think.)
Anyways, i have driven this drive a a bunch of times, i love watching the roads change threw the fall, the trees getting naked for winter, the traffic clearing up since the beach rats are gone for the winter. Today, the road is empty, the trees were bare, and the air numbed my hand as i ashed my cigarette. There is something about this time of year that i love. Life just slows down, and there is this energy in the air. Some small particle reaction makes your body tingle, and you just feel buzzed. You get that pin needling feeling on your face, under the eyes, and on the tips of your cheeks. Times like that, i just take a deep breath, as big as i can, hoping i can hold a piece of that moment inside of me forever. Its moments like that, that make me who i am.
On another note...im coming home on the 28th. It's crazy, i spent a long time trying to get out, and here i am, being sucked back in. Honestly though, im looking forward to coming home. Its the last time i will get to see everyone before i go to experience another kind of adventure.
Besides that, i have nothing else to say besides is get ready to party like its 2005 when i come home. I want to hear everyones story when i come back, and maybe tell a few tales myself. But thats a given, being that i am a great storyteller and all. Anyways, see you all in ..... 7 almost 6 days now. Get plenty of sleep, and relax, cause we rollin all night and day when i come in town.
12.19.2004
12.18.2004
11.19.2004
Semi-Groovy
I just installed Photoshop 7 last night and I messed around with a picture taken in Virginia. Semi-Groovy and 2/3rds cool. More experimentation is required :)
11.16.2004
Sitting Up At School
Sitting here in my bio lab.. I havn't done much but there wasn't much to do.
I just learned that my Excel project doesn't need to be completed. Awesome.
Well, it's my birthday and I don't feel 20.
Strange how time opperates.
Nothing much else.
Have a good Tuesday everyone reading this.
I just learned that my Excel project doesn't need to be completed. Awesome.
Well, it's my birthday and I don't feel 20.
Strange how time opperates.
Nothing much else.
Have a good Tuesday everyone reading this.
11.14.2004
Ramble
This is somewhat random but it needs to be said.. Inspired by Sting and The Police.
(Don't Stand So Close To Me)
On My Past: One and a half years... worthless. In the span of a week, she changed everything about herself. And for what? To have a one night stand, to get wasted, to forget what she had.
You know I did say I loved her.. but obviously I have no idea what that is. And for all of those times she said it back, I just laugh now.
You can forget about us being friends. You can forget about us hanging out. You can forget about us.
(Brand New Day)(Let Your Soul Be Your Pilot)
On My Future: Well, I'm fixated on a very special person. She's smart, mature, and very interesting. Going to class is no longer a chore. I'd be content with friendship, but I wonder if there's room for more.
I wish I could speak my mind and heart to her. But fears and insecurities, for some reason, keep me from "spilling my guts".
It would be easier to write my feelings but that doesn't fix the problem.
If we wern't as distant, I'd bug her all day. But I'll give her space and time. No one wants to be rushed.
I feel bad being stoned all the time around you so I'll cut back.
And if I could do anything to show you how I feel I would act.
That's enough rambling for now.
Random Thought:
Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety
You could end up as the only one
Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society
At night a candle's brighter than the sun
Takes more than combat gear to make a man
Takes more than a license for a gun
Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can
A gentleman will walk but never run
If, "Manners maketh man" as someone said
Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say
(Don't Stand So Close To Me)
On My Past: One and a half years... worthless. In the span of a week, she changed everything about herself. And for what? To have a one night stand, to get wasted, to forget what she had.
You know I did say I loved her.. but obviously I have no idea what that is. And for all of those times she said it back, I just laugh now.
You can forget about us being friends. You can forget about us hanging out. You can forget about us.
(Brand New Day)(Let Your Soul Be Your Pilot)
On My Future: Well, I'm fixated on a very special person. She's smart, mature, and very interesting. Going to class is no longer a chore. I'd be content with friendship, but I wonder if there's room for more.
I wish I could speak my mind and heart to her. But fears and insecurities, for some reason, keep me from "spilling my guts".
It would be easier to write my feelings but that doesn't fix the problem.
If we wern't as distant, I'd bug her all day. But I'll give her space and time. No one wants to be rushed.
I feel bad being stoned all the time around you so I'll cut back.
And if I could do anything to show you how I feel I would act.
That's enough rambling for now.
Random Thought:
Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety
You could end up as the only one
Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society
At night a candle's brighter than the sun
Takes more than combat gear to make a man
Takes more than a license for a gun
Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can
A gentleman will walk but never run
If, "Manners maketh man" as someone said
Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say
11.07.2004
11.05.2004
All In A Cup Of Coffee
I wrote alot offline the other night... Enjoy!>>
Hmm... No music to listen to. I guess I will have to shut out the steady chatter of this fine coffee shop with my own free will. (damn)
Sirens go by, and a girl stands on the median inbetween the two lane race way on both sides of her. She holds a sign covered with red white and blue jibberish, maybe it was something about honk for kerry. The speaker she is holding aimed at her prey, she continues to pour out something that sounds like frustration. I think it must have been a last attempt to express herself, and inlfuence others, maybe even encourage. Her attempt was lost in the noise of the road, and I keep driving and all that i can think about is her struggle to be heard.....
Is this what it has come to? Are we all so distant, so numb to others that we feel we must go this far to be heard? I guess sometimes you can feel so far away that you want to scream, just to see if anyone cares.
I guess there is always the other side, which is where everyone hears you, and you yearn to be far away. I guess i embraced this girls desperate attempt to be heard, only cause i envy that she can be so far away, so able to step out of the norm, and be so perfect in her failure, and not care. I'm out in the no one can hear me realm, and right now, i like that no one can hear me.
Embrace the silence.
(two day's later, i'm back, and i remembered my headphones..end result> MUSIC)
Here I am again... Same usual vibes, and nothin to really show for it yet. Still waiting i guess, not sure what for, just something. I wake up in such a startle sometimes, im not really sure why. I think i dream of things back home, and some one laying next to me in bed, and then i wake up, and no one is there. So dillusioned, i wake up empty as if i left a piece of me back there in Flushing. Then i get hit with this huge mountain to climb through the morning to get stuff done, so i can finally head out into the city, or beyond, trying to find whatever it was that has left me so empty inside. I just wish i knew what it was, what ever it is that i haven't been able to find out here yet.
There are times where i think maybe whatever it was that i left behind was supposed to stay there. Maybe, it helps everyone back home more than it will help me. I think/hope i left something for everyone in that town to hold on to, for whatever reason. I think we are supposed to go through life, leaving a piece of ourselves everywhere we go, to build on our life as much as the lives of those around us. I think everyone has a need to interact with others, I know i need to. It's not always about what a person says as much as what you take from what they say, and how it influences you, or me. I think there is always a multi-directional way to percieve something. That's why I can't judge a person or moment in one instance. My perceptions for life are to invloved to make decisions that quick. But having a general basis for your beliefs is always useful.
Back to where I'm at physically, my reality at this point in time. "Fairgrounds Coffee", in Norfolk VA. An upper story spot, overlooking a Starbucks across the little downtown street. This place attracts a different crowd, its more of a haven for societie's individual's, one's who are trying to find their way, or drive on the other side of the street. It's a mixing bowl of the youth culture, and that's why i like it. Good coffee, artistic ideas, acoustic chemistry between the aspiring musicians, and artwork meant for a coffee shop. This is all the flip side version of the corporate coffee shop across the street. It attract's the stereotypical businessmen, or abstract peronality. So boring with a manufacturer's touch on everything from the coffee cop, to the expensive neon sign. Posers in there own artificial clone of a coffee shop. Each worker wearing the same black shirt and ball cap, and identical green apron, all labeled as slaves for big business, and a bad coffee franchise.
The fact that this place is right across the street is ironic. You can actually sit up here and look out the window, and see people walk up to the corner of the block and look back and forth at the two coffee shops, and see some turn and walk into starbucks, and ther other's come here. Normally, you know who will cross the street and come here, and who is just another slave to propoganda, and cheap advertisements, and vulnerable to the deception of that big corporation. They are prolly Bush fan's anyways. And I sure as hell don't want to see any of them today.
It all comes down to this : Do want to experience culture in its most influencial moment, or stay across the street and pay 3 times as much to have a label on your crappy coffee, so some rich spoiled person can buy more land to build more shit on, cut down more trees, which eventually will make there coffee cups that they won't recycle, and in the end donate hundreds of thousands of dollars to the Bush/Cheney administration and or the next republican party candidate in four years that supports wealthy corporation owners and fucks everyone like me and you in the end.
Yes, all that came from sitting here in the coffee shop, drinking my "usual" double vanilla latte'.
There is always more on the flip side my friend.
Random>>
"Blah Blah Blah" the monkey says to the banana.
"Now that's a fair trade," replies the potassium filled fruit.
{the cigarette burned down to the camel's toes, the ash now smoldering between my two fingers..}
I snap out of a daze. I'm sitting on a small couch in the woods. There is a blanket of snow on the forest floor. The branches on the trees are swaying in the wind, the woods are alive with creeks and moans, as i notice the branches curling downward like long boney fingers...
"Scott, come check this out," Brent says in the distance.
I trudge through the deep snow, bewildered at the beauty of the forest, the tim burton feel of a strange forest at night. Just as i walk around the trees and onto the patch of ice that has been cleared of all the snow, i slip and fall, and when i do i blink my eyes out of reflex, and when i open them....
{In my garage, sitting on couches with Mike and Brent.}
"You gonna pass that?" Someone says.
"Yeah man, I'm straight. I just had the craziest thought man! About the time in the woods when we found the ice patch."
"What are you talking about man?" Mike says in a confused tone.
Brent interupts with, "We gonna go on that bike ride or what?"
"Wait a minute... that hasn't happened yet, its still summer. What the hell man, How is that...hold on...." I say, as i lean my head down to think for a second.
{I open my eyes and im staring at the TV screen. Animatrix is playing, and i don't understand}
I look to my right, and i see Ben and Brent and me at the kitchen table. I hear my alternate self say, "Psychadelic crumpet." Eruption of laughter
At this point, My other self see's me sitting on the couch, and than i hear him think to himself, "that's weird."
I get up to go to the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror to gather my thoughts. When I open the door, im at brent's house. Bobby says, "Scott, your freakin me out, im never doing these with you again."
{Now, im looking at a small bag, contents looking something like a dried fungus}
As i look at the bag, i think to myself, "i wonder what these are gonna be like?"
Later in the Evening>>
I feel like the all american boy. I was Cruisin in my Jeep down the highway, crossing the chesapeake bay bridge, the ocean on the left of me, blairing The Darkness "I believe in a thing called love". Eating ten, all white meat' chicken nuggets. Trying to get my cell phone to charge, and heading to Best Buy. I bought a Coheed and Cambria, and a dispatch CD while i was there, and played a very out of tune guitar, and jammed on the keyboards for a bit. Then i went to Goodwill, and some other little thrift stores, trying on some funky shit you can only find at a second hand dealer outlet like that. My only alternative to this, was to go to Salsa dancing lessons my friend was going to. Since i found it weird that he invited me to go Salsa dancing (supposedly hot girls go there he said) i turned him down. I think its the first and only time someone will ever ask me to go do that. To me, thats an activity you have to really be inspired to go do, its not an impulsive choice ya know? It's no plan B for the night. Besides, i was enjoying be all american.
Im staring at the ocean right now, its windy like a frog's fart (whatever that means) My car has so much empty fast food bags in it, the car is covered in mud, my back seat is filled with random clothes, empty boxes, cd's and dvd's, and other random things you collect in a car after awhile. My guitar is back there somewhere, Two old airfreshners hanging in the mirror, along with some old guitar strings and my dog tags. In fact, the only place to even sit is in the driver's seat. I look around and can only thing one thing. "Home Sweet Home!" I seriously live in my jeep right now. I even have a computer in here! Which is obviously what i am typing on right now. But yeah, if any of you knew me well enough back home, and had the pleasure of riding in the Baiyo Mobile, you know that only ride comfortably with lots of random things in my car.
Hmm... No music to listen to. I guess I will have to shut out the steady chatter of this fine coffee shop with my own free will. (damn)
Sirens go by, and a girl stands on the median inbetween the two lane race way on both sides of her. She holds a sign covered with red white and blue jibberish, maybe it was something about honk for kerry. The speaker she is holding aimed at her prey, she continues to pour out something that sounds like frustration. I think it must have been a last attempt to express herself, and inlfuence others, maybe even encourage. Her attempt was lost in the noise of the road, and I keep driving and all that i can think about is her struggle to be heard.....
Is this what it has come to? Are we all so distant, so numb to others that we feel we must go this far to be heard? I guess sometimes you can feel so far away that you want to scream, just to see if anyone cares.
I guess there is always the other side, which is where everyone hears you, and you yearn to be far away. I guess i embraced this girls desperate attempt to be heard, only cause i envy that she can be so far away, so able to step out of the norm, and be so perfect in her failure, and not care. I'm out in the no one can hear me realm, and right now, i like that no one can hear me.
Embrace the silence.
(two day's later, i'm back, and i remembered my headphones..end result> MUSIC)
Here I am again... Same usual vibes, and nothin to really show for it yet. Still waiting i guess, not sure what for, just something. I wake up in such a startle sometimes, im not really sure why. I think i dream of things back home, and some one laying next to me in bed, and then i wake up, and no one is there. So dillusioned, i wake up empty as if i left a piece of me back there in Flushing. Then i get hit with this huge mountain to climb through the morning to get stuff done, so i can finally head out into the city, or beyond, trying to find whatever it was that has left me so empty inside. I just wish i knew what it was, what ever it is that i haven't been able to find out here yet.
There are times where i think maybe whatever it was that i left behind was supposed to stay there. Maybe, it helps everyone back home more than it will help me. I think/hope i left something for everyone in that town to hold on to, for whatever reason. I think we are supposed to go through life, leaving a piece of ourselves everywhere we go, to build on our life as much as the lives of those around us. I think everyone has a need to interact with others, I know i need to. It's not always about what a person says as much as what you take from what they say, and how it influences you, or me. I think there is always a multi-directional way to percieve something. That's why I can't judge a person or moment in one instance. My perceptions for life are to invloved to make decisions that quick. But having a general basis for your beliefs is always useful.
Back to where I'm at physically, my reality at this point in time. "Fairgrounds Coffee", in Norfolk VA. An upper story spot, overlooking a Starbucks across the little downtown street. This place attracts a different crowd, its more of a haven for societie's individual's, one's who are trying to find their way, or drive on the other side of the street. It's a mixing bowl of the youth culture, and that's why i like it. Good coffee, artistic ideas, acoustic chemistry between the aspiring musicians, and artwork meant for a coffee shop. This is all the flip side version of the corporate coffee shop across the street. It attract's the stereotypical businessmen, or abstract peronality. So boring with a manufacturer's touch on everything from the coffee cop, to the expensive neon sign. Posers in there own artificial clone of a coffee shop. Each worker wearing the same black shirt and ball cap, and identical green apron, all labeled as slaves for big business, and a bad coffee franchise.
The fact that this place is right across the street is ironic. You can actually sit up here and look out the window, and see people walk up to the corner of the block and look back and forth at the two coffee shops, and see some turn and walk into starbucks, and ther other's come here. Normally, you know who will cross the street and come here, and who is just another slave to propoganda, and cheap advertisements, and vulnerable to the deception of that big corporation. They are prolly Bush fan's anyways. And I sure as hell don't want to see any of them today.
It all comes down to this : Do want to experience culture in its most influencial moment, or stay across the street and pay 3 times as much to have a label on your crappy coffee, so some rich spoiled person can buy more land to build more shit on, cut down more trees, which eventually will make there coffee cups that they won't recycle, and in the end donate hundreds of thousands of dollars to the Bush/Cheney administration and or the next republican party candidate in four years that supports wealthy corporation owners and fucks everyone like me and you in the end.
Yes, all that came from sitting here in the coffee shop, drinking my "usual" double vanilla latte'.
There is always more on the flip side my friend.
Random>>
"Blah Blah Blah" the monkey says to the banana.
"Now that's a fair trade," replies the potassium filled fruit.
{the cigarette burned down to the camel's toes, the ash now smoldering between my two fingers..}
I snap out of a daze. I'm sitting on a small couch in the woods. There is a blanket of snow on the forest floor. The branches on the trees are swaying in the wind, the woods are alive with creeks and moans, as i notice the branches curling downward like long boney fingers...
"Scott, come check this out," Brent says in the distance.
I trudge through the deep snow, bewildered at the beauty of the forest, the tim burton feel of a strange forest at night. Just as i walk around the trees and onto the patch of ice that has been cleared of all the snow, i slip and fall, and when i do i blink my eyes out of reflex, and when i open them....
{In my garage, sitting on couches with Mike and Brent.}
"You gonna pass that?" Someone says.
"Yeah man, I'm straight. I just had the craziest thought man! About the time in the woods when we found the ice patch."
"What are you talking about man?" Mike says in a confused tone.
Brent interupts with, "We gonna go on that bike ride or what?"
"Wait a minute... that hasn't happened yet, its still summer. What the hell man, How is that...hold on...." I say, as i lean my head down to think for a second.
{I open my eyes and im staring at the TV screen. Animatrix is playing, and i don't understand}
I look to my right, and i see Ben and Brent and me at the kitchen table. I hear my alternate self say, "Psychadelic crumpet." Eruption of laughter
At this point, My other self see's me sitting on the couch, and than i hear him think to himself, "that's weird."
I get up to go to the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror to gather my thoughts. When I open the door, im at brent's house. Bobby says, "Scott, your freakin me out, im never doing these with you again."
{Now, im looking at a small bag, contents looking something like a dried fungus}
As i look at the bag, i think to myself, "i wonder what these are gonna be like?"
Later in the Evening>>
I feel like the all american boy. I was Cruisin in my Jeep down the highway, crossing the chesapeake bay bridge, the ocean on the left of me, blairing The Darkness "I believe in a thing called love". Eating ten, all white meat' chicken nuggets. Trying to get my cell phone to charge, and heading to Best Buy. I bought a Coheed and Cambria, and a dispatch CD while i was there, and played a very out of tune guitar, and jammed on the keyboards for a bit. Then i went to Goodwill, and some other little thrift stores, trying on some funky shit you can only find at a second hand dealer outlet like that. My only alternative to this, was to go to Salsa dancing lessons my friend was going to. Since i found it weird that he invited me to go Salsa dancing (supposedly hot girls go there he said) i turned him down. I think its the first and only time someone will ever ask me to go do that. To me, thats an activity you have to really be inspired to go do, its not an impulsive choice ya know? It's no plan B for the night. Besides, i was enjoying be all american.
Im staring at the ocean right now, its windy like a frog's fart (whatever that means) My car has so much empty fast food bags in it, the car is covered in mud, my back seat is filled with random clothes, empty boxes, cd's and dvd's, and other random things you collect in a car after awhile. My guitar is back there somewhere, Two old airfreshners hanging in the mirror, along with some old guitar strings and my dog tags. In fact, the only place to even sit is in the driver's seat. I look around and can only thing one thing. "Home Sweet Home!" I seriously live in my jeep right now. I even have a computer in here! Which is obviously what i am typing on right now. But yeah, if any of you knew me well enough back home, and had the pleasure of riding in the Baiyo Mobile, you know that only ride comfortably with lots of random things in my car.
11.01.2004
Stellar thoughts
Well, this post has been lost a few times, so I will do my best to re-create it.
There are days where i can get lost in my head, and days like today that they give me direction to move another step forward in life.
It's strange a a clear day can open your mind, and your thoughts are so far out there floating around. Complex theories on life, and conflicting thoughts, losing your mind in the breeze as its carries your creativity in to space at night. You think outside of the stars, and across the galaxy.
Days like today the clouds roll in, blocking your thoughts from leaving your head. Holding all those dreams, and artistic manifestations back from eternity. Space doesn't seem so infinate anymore. The clouds hold those stellar thoughts in a realistic boundary, and its that cage in the mind where you begin to understand the rodeo that was goin on the days before. The rain refreshes the earth with a new beginning, gives the life the pure necessities for growth. And as the rain stops to fall, and everything slows down, and the ground absorbs the rain, you realize the earth isn't such a dry boring place anymore.
I guess even when you can't understand the world at the moment of confusion, the time will come where it all makes sense. It's as simple as "Faith in Chaos." It's how we experience this whole spectrum of human emotion we all want to feel. The the otherside is rough, so is the inbetween, But without seeing it all, you'll never be able to relate to it, and know what its like to miss one feeling to the next.
"Hollywood, coffee shops, I love frank, soul sista, frank do call me" says the colored lady in the daytona 500 UPS sponsored jacket. As the long haired guitar player goes with the ad lib from the strange woman... the song goes on.....and in a ways, somehwere in this labyrinth of my mind, it makes sense.
and absent from myself...a little confusion cocktail, i think I'm beginning to understand..
It started there, is happening here, and will end somewhere where the toilet flushes in the other direction... Maybe
There are days where i can get lost in my head, and days like today that they give me direction to move another step forward in life.
It's strange a a clear day can open your mind, and your thoughts are so far out there floating around. Complex theories on life, and conflicting thoughts, losing your mind in the breeze as its carries your creativity in to space at night. You think outside of the stars, and across the galaxy.
Days like today the clouds roll in, blocking your thoughts from leaving your head. Holding all those dreams, and artistic manifestations back from eternity. Space doesn't seem so infinate anymore. The clouds hold those stellar thoughts in a realistic boundary, and its that cage in the mind where you begin to understand the rodeo that was goin on the days before. The rain refreshes the earth with a new beginning, gives the life the pure necessities for growth. And as the rain stops to fall, and everything slows down, and the ground absorbs the rain, you realize the earth isn't such a dry boring place anymore.
I guess even when you can't understand the world at the moment of confusion, the time will come where it all makes sense. It's as simple as "Faith in Chaos." It's how we experience this whole spectrum of human emotion we all want to feel. The the otherside is rough, so is the inbetween, But without seeing it all, you'll never be able to relate to it, and know what its like to miss one feeling to the next.
"Hollywood, coffee shops, I love frank, soul sista, frank do call me" says the colored lady in the daytona 500 UPS sponsored jacket. As the long haired guitar player goes with the ad lib from the strange woman... the song goes on.....and in a ways, somehwere in this labyrinth of my mind, it makes sense.
and absent from myself...a little confusion cocktail, i think I'm beginning to understand..
It started there, is happening here, and will end somewhere where the toilet flushes in the other direction... Maybe
10.27.2004
10.24.2004
my current profile..
i wish i could...
hold myself above the world and fall face first..
forgetting that the time spent with you was cursed.
i have nothing to hold on to and no one to blame,
and in my dreams, your always the same.
your running far ahead and laughing today,
but i stopped trying, and your fading away.
in my bed, im tossing and turning
from the pain in my heart that is still burning.
you lied, you cheated, you held the truth away from me,
you thought i would stay blind, but in fact, i see.
youve been gone so long that id rather not care,
and in reality, youve taken more than your fair share.
just remember....... for every action, there is an equal.. and opposite.. reaction.
hold myself above the world and fall face first..
forgetting that the time spent with you was cursed.
i have nothing to hold on to and no one to blame,
and in my dreams, your always the same.
your running far ahead and laughing today,
but i stopped trying, and your fading away.
in my bed, im tossing and turning
from the pain in my heart that is still burning.
you lied, you cheated, you held the truth away from me,
you thought i would stay blind, but in fact, i see.
youve been gone so long that id rather not care,
and in reality, youve taken more than your fair share.
just remember....... for every action, there is an equal.. and opposite.. reaction.
10.19.2004
10.13.2004
10.12.2004
10.11.2004
Wonderwall...Senselss, or sensible?
"All the roads we have to walk are winding"....
Ok, I know, You're thinking.. Oasis? But, yeah, it's the truth I guess. "There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how"
It's starting to cool off down here in VA. It's my favorite time of the year. Sweatshirts, jackets, beanies, the prime time of the year. The Fall always brings the greatest changes in the Year. End of the old, ready to freeze for awhile, lets everything slow down, before the new year, and we can feel fresh again.
It just feels good to get outside these last few days. Easy to breath, maybe its because I quit smoking, but, that might just be coincidence. Seriously, It feels like I have been sleeping for years now, analyzing dreams, finding answers. But now, the days seem like there is so much to offer that i hate sleeping. I feel like 8am is a late morning, and if any of you know me well, that is f'n incredible. To much to experience I guess. To much to live for, and sometimes, sitting and thinking about life isn't as good as testing your theories, and experiencing your life.
Maybe I spent enough time reflecting, and now its time to start living again, so I can get all mixed up in the things that make our lives so great to live!! (No not drugs) however they are a good accessory! But I'm talking about everything else inbetween this whole spectrum of humanity, insanity, and creativity, and most importantly... The Beauty, and the energy surrounding every moment we can see and feel.
"Nothing Takes the Past away like the future"
But, we will never forget how good it was, if we always remember how good it is.
... I think I will end it there for now... But there is so much to say, that I can't explain........
Ok, I know, You're thinking.. Oasis? But, yeah, it's the truth I guess. "There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how"
It's starting to cool off down here in VA. It's my favorite time of the year. Sweatshirts, jackets, beanies, the prime time of the year. The Fall always brings the greatest changes in the Year. End of the old, ready to freeze for awhile, lets everything slow down, before the new year, and we can feel fresh again.
It just feels good to get outside these last few days. Easy to breath, maybe its because I quit smoking, but, that might just be coincidence. Seriously, It feels like I have been sleeping for years now, analyzing dreams, finding answers. But now, the days seem like there is so much to offer that i hate sleeping. I feel like 8am is a late morning, and if any of you know me well, that is f'n incredible. To much to experience I guess. To much to live for, and sometimes, sitting and thinking about life isn't as good as testing your theories, and experiencing your life.
Maybe I spent enough time reflecting, and now its time to start living again, so I can get all mixed up in the things that make our lives so great to live!! (No not drugs) however they are a good accessory! But I'm talking about everything else inbetween this whole spectrum of humanity, insanity, and creativity, and most importantly... The Beauty, and the energy surrounding every moment we can see and feel.
"Nothing Takes the Past away like the future"
But, we will never forget how good it was, if we always remember how good it is.
... I think I will end it there for now... But there is so much to say, that I can't explain........
10.10.2004
10.06.2004
Biology 326... Cancelled
I came to school expecting to visit with my buddy in Bio, but the class was cancelled for today.
I'm kind of curious as to why, but I suppose it's for the better. Less notes I have to take, less on the exam, less for me to stare at on a later date.
Now the only problem is what to do with my remaining 40 some minutes?
Well, pretty much nothing as UM-flint sucks and is boring all day.
Bah, but I suppose it's pretty much the same at every other campus.
I'm sick of sitting here listening to everyone's conversations already so it's time for me to go.
Enjoy your day, friends.
I'm kind of curious as to why, but I suppose it's for the better. Less notes I have to take, less on the exam, less for me to stare at on a later date.
Now the only problem is what to do with my remaining 40 some minutes?
Well, pretty much nothing as UM-flint sucks and is boring all day.
Bah, but I suppose it's pretty much the same at every other campus.
I'm sick of sitting here listening to everyone's conversations already so it's time for me to go.
Enjoy your day, friends.
10.05.2004
tHE bIG 135
Well, as you can most likely figure from the title, this is post #135.
Looking back to 2.15.2003
{ First Blog of my life... what a terrible thing i have done.. }
Indeed what a terrible thing if today were opposite day.
From breakups to straight shooting, two bros have tried to make sense of the ignorance and confusion in their lives. And the truth be told, Freakship has helped in dark times. Just the act of writing out emotions can help you put transgressions into a different perspective. But I'd like to leave this post on a higher note instead of flailing cutdowns left and right.
I try to enjoy life for what it has to offer instead of the troubles that follow. Things get rough, but I'll try to keep shining. I can't imagine who I will be in 10 years and I would care not to know. The end result doesn't matter much to me anymore, just the stages inbetween that shape me. Guess you could say I'm in this transition.
Looking back to 2.15.2003
{ First Blog of my life... what a terrible thing i have done.. }
Indeed what a terrible thing if today were opposite day.
From breakups to straight shooting, two bros have tried to make sense of the ignorance and confusion in their lives. And the truth be told, Freakship has helped in dark times. Just the act of writing out emotions can help you put transgressions into a different perspective. But I'd like to leave this post on a higher note instead of flailing cutdowns left and right.
I try to enjoy life for what it has to offer instead of the troubles that follow. Things get rough, but I'll try to keep shining. I can't imagine who I will be in 10 years and I would care not to know. The end result doesn't matter much to me anymore, just the stages inbetween that shape me. Guess you could say I'm in this transition.
9.30.2004
9.29.2004
9.28.2004
Dear Diarrhea.
Dear Diarrhea,
Oh how wonderful you make me feel.
Sliding through my intestines, making me ill.
I just can't wait until I can privately fill,
The toilet which I will soon kill.
With the last final push comes some relief,
But the feeling is quite brief.
Followed by shockwaves of pain,
Sent directly to this fragile brain.
Dear diarrhea, you tease and you take,
But I'll do a courtesy flush for my own sake.
Thanks Diarrhea For Everything..
HAH, time for class.
Random Thought: "Pass the Split-Pea soup Grandma."
Oh how wonderful you make me feel.
Sliding through my intestines, making me ill.
I just can't wait until I can privately fill,
The toilet which I will soon kill.
With the last final push comes some relief,
But the feeling is quite brief.
Followed by shockwaves of pain,
Sent directly to this fragile brain.
Dear diarrhea, you tease and you take,
But I'll do a courtesy flush for my own sake.
Thanks Diarrhea For Everything..
HAH, time for class.
Random Thought: "Pass the Split-Pea soup Grandma."
9.27.2004
Will you be Forgotten?
"It's times like these, that you learn to live again." I guess that't the best way for to put things for now. I spent the last 6-8 monthes in an intricate, byzantine maze. For awhile, I had no sense of direction. I was just taking it all in, and waiting for something to jump out and grab me, to say "this is the way to go." But, the thing is, I had been feeling lost in a way. Now, I'm realizing that it isn't so much that I am lost, as much as it is exploring the unknown.
I know I speak about life, and having my world flipped upside down alot, but that is what this stage of my life is. I'd feel wrong not writing about. Thing is, I know I am not the only one experiencing the vast series of dilemas, and uncertainty. It is something that is an ongoing process from here on out in most of our lives. It's the "spread your wings" theory. We have had people showing us the way for our entire life, up until now. Now is the time to understand the way things work on your own. Make your own decisions, your own conclusions, and step and become you.
I have always said there is so much out in the world to experience, and I don't say that just to say it. I thought I was me back home, but stepping out of the norm, and experiencing "the path less traveled", and making my own path, has taught me so much that i never knew about myself. Being afraid of the things you may lose, or the things you don't know is no reason to stay in your familiar place. I guess its like a house plant, compared to a tree in the forest. Wait to be watered and hope someone doesn't forget, or take your chances in the forest, where so many trees and plants are growing towards the skies, and are surviving outside of your sheltered home.
Trust me, the things you hold most so close to you, will always be there. Your closest friends, your memories, and in my case, those things have become so much more important.
I just think everyone needs time alone, time to breath, and time to think. To many people let there comfort control them. Those people never let go. For me, the only way to let go was to leave.
For now, I just keep on going, taking it all in. Going with the flow, and not holding on to the things or people that got lost, and forgot who they were, and will be forgotten. I don't try and never tried to hide from anyone I knew, or disguise myself as someone i wasn't. I will never ignore the things and people who made me who I am. You are always who you are, here, or there, people will see you despite the clothes you wear, and the music you listen to. You can only build on the life you lived your whole life, don't try and start over, cause you will get lost. And people will never come looking, because you will be forgotten....
The rest, is unspoken for now...
I know I speak about life, and having my world flipped upside down alot, but that is what this stage of my life is. I'd feel wrong not writing about. Thing is, I know I am not the only one experiencing the vast series of dilemas, and uncertainty. It is something that is an ongoing process from here on out in most of our lives. It's the "spread your wings" theory. We have had people showing us the way for our entire life, up until now. Now is the time to understand the way things work on your own. Make your own decisions, your own conclusions, and step and become you.
I have always said there is so much out in the world to experience, and I don't say that just to say it. I thought I was me back home, but stepping out of the norm, and experiencing "the path less traveled", and making my own path, has taught me so much that i never knew about myself. Being afraid of the things you may lose, or the things you don't know is no reason to stay in your familiar place. I guess its like a house plant, compared to a tree in the forest. Wait to be watered and hope someone doesn't forget, or take your chances in the forest, where so many trees and plants are growing towards the skies, and are surviving outside of your sheltered home.
Trust me, the things you hold most so close to you, will always be there. Your closest friends, your memories, and in my case, those things have become so much more important.
I just think everyone needs time alone, time to breath, and time to think. To many people let there comfort control them. Those people never let go. For me, the only way to let go was to leave.
For now, I just keep on going, taking it all in. Going with the flow, and not holding on to the things or people that got lost, and forgot who they were, and will be forgotten. I don't try and never tried to hide from anyone I knew, or disguise myself as someone i wasn't. I will never ignore the things and people who made me who I am. You are always who you are, here, or there, people will see you despite the clothes you wear, and the music you listen to. You can only build on the life you lived your whole life, don't try and start over, cause you will get lost. And people will never come looking, because you will be forgotten....
The rest, is unspoken for now...
9.25.2004
9.24.2004
9.20.2004
9.17.2004
9.14.2004
A Little Something Called Life
normally i struggle throughout the day, combating thoughts that bring me down. but nowadays, my thoughts are on other, more important things.. like my own well-being. ive concentrated on everyone except me. and if i put more effort into making myself better, i wouldn't need to worry about how i treat people because i would be that guy in the midst, entertaining your family, laughing and bring the group up... i've had no real social life for some time now and that's is in the process of changing. i'm becoming me finally. free-willed, humorous, intelligent, and self-sufficient.
oh i can't wait until i rid myself of the negative things.
i've learned an important lesson in my life.
your not the person you think you are. your not the material things you surround yourself with, or the things you brag about to the opposite sex. you are the challenges you face. you are the troubles in your life. and the person you are depends on how you face everyday challenges.
and more importantly, your not the mask you hide behind. I've seen way too many people that act completely different around different groups or even individuals. its sick. be yourself, not what someone wants.
Who The Hell Are You Trying To Impress??
Bah.
anyway, if you find yourself in the slumps, pick yourself up and move on. you shouldn't worry your life away. try playing your life by ear for a while.
make plans like college, vacations, friends. but if something spontaneous happens, jump on its back and ride it.
hippie talk.
well i lost the direction of this blog but i guess that's what it's for.
Adios.
Random Thought: Dr. Gonzo licks mud sticks.
oh i can't wait until i rid myself of the negative things.
i've learned an important lesson in my life.
your not the person you think you are. your not the material things you surround yourself with, or the things you brag about to the opposite sex. you are the challenges you face. you are the troubles in your life. and the person you are depends on how you face everyday challenges.
and more importantly, your not the mask you hide behind. I've seen way too many people that act completely different around different groups or even individuals. its sick. be yourself, not what someone wants.
Who The Hell Are You Trying To Impress??
Bah.
anyway, if you find yourself in the slumps, pick yourself up and move on. you shouldn't worry your life away. try playing your life by ear for a while.
make plans like college, vacations, friends. but if something spontaneous happens, jump on its back and ride it.
hippie talk.
well i lost the direction of this blog but i guess that's what it's for.
Adios.
Random Thought: Dr. Gonzo licks mud sticks.
All things said and done. Life is a crazy bowl soggy cereal. Thats the best description i could come up with at this point in time. I'm not even sure if it makes sense. But nonetheless, with simple neurotic expressions like that, you can tell, my mind is like life, and has gone to shit.
Just been a long phase of change after change, and new situation to new situation, and new people, to newer people, and after awhile your brain just stops reacting to the new information. But it all keeps coming at you, new names, new places, new things to study, and all of which your supposed to be comprehending because they are all real important. But instead, i find myself doing the "smile and nod" and walking away going, ill ask about all that stuff tomorrow.
The small ironic part of my life, is that i yearn for success, but in the truth behind the mystery, im a truely lazy relaxed person. And i wish i could be a millionaire by sleeping all day. But i realized throughout high school that sleep doesnt make you rich, so, im trying the plan B. Which is a pain in the ass. Society has made life horrible for the inhabitants of this fine country, and planet. Work hard, make money, waste your life, only so you can afford your own god damn death. Sad, Sad, Sad
Anyways, random vent there. Felt like i had more to offer, something... delicious to the mind, something to divuldge yourselves in...but, i decided to poop out this turd of crap.
Anyways, pictures are fun! check them out, come back soon, as there will be more pictures and fun from the captain and the doctor.
Just been a long phase of change after change, and new situation to new situation, and new people, to newer people, and after awhile your brain just stops reacting to the new information. But it all keeps coming at you, new names, new places, new things to study, and all of which your supposed to be comprehending because they are all real important. But instead, i find myself doing the "smile and nod" and walking away going, ill ask about all that stuff tomorrow.
The small ironic part of my life, is that i yearn for success, but in the truth behind the mystery, im a truely lazy relaxed person. And i wish i could be a millionaire by sleeping all day. But i realized throughout high school that sleep doesnt make you rich, so, im trying the plan B. Which is a pain in the ass. Society has made life horrible for the inhabitants of this fine country, and planet. Work hard, make money, waste your life, only so you can afford your own god damn death. Sad, Sad, Sad
Anyways, random vent there. Felt like i had more to offer, something... delicious to the mind, something to divuldge yourselves in...but, i decided to poop out this turd of crap.
Anyways, pictures are fun! check them out, come back soon, as there will be more pictures and fun from the captain and the doctor.
9.12.2004
HURRAY
YEAH! i got the links back!
Hurray!
html is tricky.
tricky like that guy from mr. deeds.
Random Thought:
i am just a new born,
a stranger in this town.
where are all the good times?
who's gonna show this stranger around..
Hurray!
html is tricky.
tricky like that guy from mr. deeds.
Random Thought:
i am just a new born,
a stranger in this town.
where are all the good times?
who's gonna show this stranger around..
9.10.2004
The Time Has Come
well, the time to post again has finally come. today is a big day. i just found out ive been replaced at my old job. then not even 3 hours later.. i get offered an even better job. im no longer a picture framer, but a cook at the restaurant down the street. ill also be making around 2 whole dollars more. TWO WHOLE DOLLARS!!@#.
"movin on up" (movin on up),
"to the east side"
"we finally got a piece of the pie"
i think thats how it goes.
who cares..
oh yeah.. tonight is also important because my good friend BBrent is coming back into town and he brought a little something with him. my pupils will be very dilated tonight folks. G. G. G. Great fun tonight!
blah, anyway, im gonna go paint and listen to some up beat tones yaaaaal.
take care eh.
Random Thought(s):
me : i need more jennas in my life
me : sopdnfsd
jenna : i am few and far between
jenna : im not goin to lie.. pick of the litter right here
me : lol
me : you said it
jenna : you should come live with me
jenna : it would be great
me : we could be true sis and bro
jenna : yes, we could use the same hyperdermic needles
me : hell, theres nothing for me here.. i was considering transferin
jenna : and rub our blood together
me : gross jenna
jenna : LOL
me : there goes the line
me : haha
jenna : hahahahahaa
jenna : even online i go away from it
me : ive been smiling for like 10 mins now
me : thanks asshole
"movin on up" (movin on up),
"to the east side"
"we finally got a piece of the pie"
i think thats how it goes.
who cares..
oh yeah.. tonight is also important because my good friend BBrent is coming back into town and he brought a little something with him. my pupils will be very dilated tonight folks. G. G. G. Great fun tonight!
blah, anyway, im gonna go paint and listen to some up beat tones yaaaaal.
take care eh.
Random Thought(s):
me : i need more jennas in my life
me : sopdnfsd
jenna : i am few and far between
jenna : im not goin to lie.. pick of the litter right here
me : lol
me : you said it
jenna : you should come live with me
jenna : it would be great
me : we could be true sis and bro
jenna : yes, we could use the same hyperdermic needles
me : hell, theres nothing for me here.. i was considering transferin
jenna : and rub our blood together
me : gross jenna
jenna : LOL
me : there goes the line
me : haha
jenna : hahahahahaa
jenna : even online i go away from it
me : ive been smiling for like 10 mins now
me : thanks asshole
8.31.2004
CAputs.
We'll the big time.. "i thought this was going to work" "wanting it to last a few more atleast" has taken a break..
The train has come to a complete stop.. all passengers, dry your eyes and move along.. there's nothing to see here.
Although the feelings remain, they may soon fade. But there's always a place in me for her. It will take time to leave these feelings, and who knows, perhaps they will never dicipate and we both will regret everything in our 40's and want that time back.
I can't say anymore.
The train has come to a complete stop.. all passengers, dry your eyes and move along.. there's nothing to see here.
Although the feelings remain, they may soon fade. But there's always a place in me for her. It will take time to leave these feelings, and who knows, perhaps they will never dicipate and we both will regret everything in our 40's and want that time back.
I can't say anymore.
8.30.2004
Well,
Driving up the east coast, getting back home to some familiar surroundings. I have had alot of time to think about things. Some good advice from a crazy man at waffle house with no teeth.
"Be good, or at least be good at whatever you're good at doing."
Never doubt where you will find good advice i guess. Its kind of hard to put a finger on the feeling you get, driving thru the night, nothing but a little music playing, some
general conversation, and a little relaxation. Weird state of mind on this general cruise to my next point of stationary refelection. "Be on a constant state of departure while always arriving." When i first heard that saying, i just thought it was a crafty set of words, but now i understand what it means to live by it. I wish i could live by it in its entirety. Its hard though, especially when you want life to slow down. But life moves fast when your young, especially at during the points in life that you want to hold to forever. When your comfortable, when the rush has worn off for the night, and every enjoys eachother's presence. You dont even have to say it, cause everyone else is feeling the same thing. It's those moments that become our fondest memories, and stories we will remember for the rest of our lives. Its the people who forget those moments that end up wishing they would have held on. some people say forget the past, and live in the present, and i used to say that same thing. But experiencing the present and moving on to the future is only a result of times before. The past molds every moment after it happens. And naturally, you have to look back, to remember, so you don't forget. It took me awhile to understand that.
I' have just recently reported to Norfolk Naval Base in Virginia. Life's biggest change so far, and its strange doin it on my own, and alone. But, i guess thats how things are supposed to be for now. I have been dreaming of things, and after reflecting on the dreams, and looking into the symbolism behind them, they have been showing me there is gonna be change coming along in my life.
Anyways, everything has been a breath of fresh air lately. Hope all is the same for everyone else.
Scary Time.
well, the first day of school is today and im a little unsure about it.. not that i want to quit or anything, its just the fact of going there and seeing a lot of unknown faces. oh well though, that's life so i guess i'll just go there and get the first day over with.. noon till about 7.. nuts.
i have tuesday and thursday off with only one class on friday.. so not too bad.. but still a pain.
tuesday is my lab day, and i don't think they will give us a lab exercise without any knowlegde of anything so far.
well it's time for me to get ready and all that..
Random Thought: i shouldn't have taken that one hit this morning =/
i have tuesday and thursday off with only one class on friday.. so not too bad.. but still a pain.
tuesday is my lab day, and i don't think they will give us a lab exercise without any knowlegde of anything so far.
well it's time for me to get ready and all that..
Random Thought: i shouldn't have taken that one hit this morning =/
8.29.2004
time for me to tell a made-up story that's created as i sit here,
lets begin.
she walked into the saloon as her hair flowed down her back. patrons glared and drooled as her legs carried her to the pianist. she bent slightly and whispered to the hunched over man dressed in well worn clothes. the room continued the follow her with their stares. unaffected, she called for the bartender, signaling with her left hand towards the wall of liquor. index finger extended, her mouth opened a hair and she tried to speak but bit her tongue. she was not afraid, simply reserved. she grinned and grabbed the large bottle of alcohol and turned towards the drunks. her right hand remained hidden in the long brown trench coat. her grin turned to a smile and she began to speak. the piano began to play some western tune as the old man struck each key in succession. ... ...
kinda lost interest all of a sudden.
ill continue or make a new one soon.
perhaps another time then,
blah
Random Thought: im the only person left in flushing. and for what? i couldnt even tell you.
lets begin.
she walked into the saloon as her hair flowed down her back. patrons glared and drooled as her legs carried her to the pianist. she bent slightly and whispered to the hunched over man dressed in well worn clothes. the room continued the follow her with their stares. unaffected, she called for the bartender, signaling with her left hand towards the wall of liquor. index finger extended, her mouth opened a hair and she tried to speak but bit her tongue. she was not afraid, simply reserved. she grinned and grabbed the large bottle of alcohol and turned towards the drunks. her right hand remained hidden in the long brown trench coat. her grin turned to a smile and she began to speak. the piano began to play some western tune as the old man struck each key in succession. ... ...
kinda lost interest all of a sudden.
ill continue or make a new one soon.
perhaps another time then,
blah
Random Thought: im the only person left in flushing. and for what? i couldnt even tell you.
8.25.2004
i cant wait.. i get a nice fat check tomorrow morning then after that i only have one more night left to work.
school starts up soon after that but im kind of looking forward to it. oh well.
meet some new people, study my ass off, and hopefully make dean's list again.
but this time, im going to try it without as much krista and marijuana. we'll see how that works out though.
anyway, i need to get my ass in gear (metaphorically speaking) and get ready for work.
Just 2 More Nights!
Random Thoughts: I dont know what it is, but you cant trust the weather channel anymore.. they are always predicting shit that doesnt happen. like hail..
school starts up soon after that but im kind of looking forward to it. oh well.
meet some new people, study my ass off, and hopefully make dean's list again.
but this time, im going to try it without as much krista and marijuana. we'll see how that works out though.
anyway, i need to get my ass in gear (metaphorically speaking) and get ready for work.
Just 2 More Nights!
Random Thoughts: I dont know what it is, but you cant trust the weather channel anymore.. they are always predicting shit that doesnt happen. like hail..
8.22.2004
...and it all slows down, and you remember how easy it was to climb back into your head. You gain control again, and drift slowly into simplicity.
I found my spot again. And its one of those pure moments, and you can't help but be greatful.
I remember driving late at night around flushing, cruising alone in my car, watching it snow, listening to a little four tet, and just taking it all in. How can we get so lost sometimes, so outside of ourselves. You can't forget how happy you really are just to be alive, and be experiencing everything. I guess i found it easy to forget about the simplicity of it all. Made things difficult. Truth is.... its as simple as cruising in your car, late at night, empty roads, deep conversation, or alone listening to music that can fit the moment.
Thats when you find yourself, and forget about everything outside of you.
I found my spot again. And its one of those pure moments, and you can't help but be greatful.
I remember driving late at night around flushing, cruising alone in my car, watching it snow, listening to a little four tet, and just taking it all in. How can we get so lost sometimes, so outside of ourselves. You can't forget how happy you really are just to be alive, and be experiencing everything. I guess i found it easy to forget about the simplicity of it all. Made things difficult. Truth is.... its as simple as cruising in your car, late at night, empty roads, deep conversation, or alone listening to music that can fit the moment.
Thats when you find yourself, and forget about everything outside of you.
8.16.2004
8.15.2004
This is life in a nutshell i guess. Part of me wanted to hold on to everything that means so much, and the other offered an easy out. Cause at times, its not about what you want. So, i offered a way to try and give peace of mind, so they could be happy again.
There's so much to say, that i cant explain, and its so hard to speak, but it would be so easy if i could hold you close, and never had to let you go....
No one ever said life would be easy though, so i guess i dont have much to complain about. Besides, there are no regrets i guess. I just hope everything turns out right in the end, as i know it will, it always does. We can never be to sure why things happen for any such reason. Take them for what you will, and find light in any situation.
But for now, im still....dazed
There's so much to say, that i cant explain, and its so hard to speak, but it would be so easy if i could hold you close, and never had to let you go....
No one ever said life would be easy though, so i guess i dont have much to complain about. Besides, there are no regrets i guess. I just hope everything turns out right in the end, as i know it will, it always does. We can never be to sure why things happen for any such reason. Take them for what you will, and find light in any situation.
But for now, im still....dazed
8.12.2004
i dont know what it is but every time i listen to incubus (a crow left), i get this strong urge to write something or start painting a new picture. the strange part is, i progressively get more into it track after track.
the first song, for the most part, reminds me why i put up with brandon boyd and his shirtlessness. the songs build up takes me through a long subway tunnel. at the last beat hits in the intro, light forces its way into the tunnel, blinding everyone. if you could crawl inside my head and cozy up with some lightly salted popcorn, you would completely understand. but sadly, the rest of the song is masked by the lyric "fucking elvis".
############
FUCKAW~!
i just lost like 3/4 of my post.. 20 mins down the drain..
that pisses me off.
well, i guess its adios to my computer and i..
3 stories high and room to die.
"See You At The Bottom Iexplorer!!"
*mikes body floats gracefully then stops 15 feet above the ground..*
*he watches his computer slam and scatter on the cement-like-dirt.*
*mike screams and his body falls, and dies doing the most impressive elbow drop in history, destroying any remaining chunks of plastic and metal.*
the first song, for the most part, reminds me why i put up with brandon boyd and his shirtlessness. the songs build up takes me through a long subway tunnel. at the last beat hits in the intro, light forces its way into the tunnel, blinding everyone. if you could crawl inside my head and cozy up with some lightly salted popcorn, you would completely understand. but sadly, the rest of the song is masked by the lyric "fucking elvis".
############
FUCKAW~!
i just lost like 3/4 of my post.. 20 mins down the drain..
that pisses me off.
well, i guess its adios to my computer and i..
3 stories high and room to die.
"See You At The Bottom Iexplorer!!"
*mikes body floats gracefully then stops 15 feet above the ground..*
*he watches his computer slam and scatter on the cement-like-dirt.*
*mike screams and his body falls, and dies doing the most impressive elbow drop in history, destroying any remaining chunks of plastic and metal.*
7.31.2004
This giant shit ball is heading downhill and gaining momentum.
But to those who forgive and try to forget, there will be greener grass.
I hope this works out like I want it to.
I'll try to forgive and move on with you.
My feelings are too strong and true,
To let something else happen to me and you.
Give me a few days and I will post again..
Once this plane ride subsides through turbulence.
???Utterly Confused????ÔA?Æ?A????ê
But to those who forgive and try to forget, there will be greener grass.
I hope this works out like I want it to.
I'll try to forgive and move on with you.
My feelings are too strong and true,
To let something else happen to me and you.
Give me a few days and I will post again..
Once this plane ride subsides through turbulence.
???Utterly Confused????ÔA?Æ?A????ê
7.29.2004
7.20.2004
sleeping away the freshness of life, dreaming of the impossible, experiencing the disfunction of an able body spirit in the prison of youth the commander diving into the unspoken truths,
behind the oppsed who we call our leaders,who are above us in all the glory from the depths of hell. They speak of wisdom, of monkeys and birds, leading armies into battle with broken words.
spirits we are as we walk the earth, a chance at glory and infants birth,but there is no glory, only the old mans stories of the lies and the darkness that follows our dancing steps,into the party wearing shields, and swords drawn,
who am i to find the joker in myself, never understanging me, or the you, and the i,
i look sometimes and see a lost soul, yearning to live and understand, but away from the truths, away from everything that never was. What was there, im not sure, i thought, but forgot before i knew. Maybe the innocence of youth,didnt understand the complexity of my own mind, that creates a world, over analyzes, discusses, feeds, consumes, places above, and at times, has no clue what its doing, but has the liscense to drivesuch a simple bodied vehicle into the world.
cant find focus, purpose, but at times it makes sense, and sometimesnothing can be a comfort, because everything is dangerous, exhausted at times, and energized at others, depression? or weary of the answers? anxious....there are answers we will never see, never beleive never understandin my life, but the truths behind the predictions, behind the theories, behind the prayers is there, but what? what makes it all so unattainable? Why is it there, but gone, i look forward to the future buts theres fog, the past is dark as night, and now, its stormy. Hard to concentrate, and at times, i know there is soo much more to my existance than what i have been granted. The pointless battles of humanity, the evergrowing greed, the disease,and all this means nothing to me, yet, i have been taught the ways, and will put on the battle dress, and we will wage war on the world!! a war started long ago, that i am now a part of. So we can take the possessions of the world and call them our own, only to consume, and use and abuse them? To die in our glutony, and smoke our lungs, mistake loneliness for lust, knowing that passion is dust, and love is hard to find, its in the back of everyones minds, cant we give life a chance for once, the wicked and the cursed, have been dispursed into party. Unconscious as we are, we will never see the show. My thoughts are nocturnal, and they are fighting to be verbal, but concealed, i still yield, to share my mind. We never are who we truly want to be. why does our mind make us want something we are not? do we have choices, or our we dealt our own dilema?
lies, and cries for help, never recieved, never believed until now, that its nothing, that never was, i ask my self why, cause i didnt listen and opened my eyes, and now that i know, i can see it,feel it, hate it, and i question the perfection in this picture the people painted? is me who is wrong, or my ancestors ignorant ways, lack of an open mind, seeing the truths, living lies....
I try to paint that picture but it seems as if its just a replica other than my own masterpiece. I need a muse to inspire, to make me desire all the great things in this world. Maybe with age i will forget the rageand be able to turn the page and read on. The words for now make no sense. This was written by a crazy man,a helpless man, the book of life he wrote. But is it me or he who is crazy who disbelieves, whos words we heave,
moments of insanity....
the frequent lack of an open mind. its everywhere, and is nothing at the same time. I see beauty where others find frustration. self defense against a force that does not oppose. Have we made this situation, as well as the rest, something that they are not?who is to say who is right or wrong, and who will be banished, and who belongs.haha... sigh... i guess it can be as easy, or as complexed as i make it. Sometimes it feels good to do both. I think i just need to be free,and keep my open mind. sometimes, i am noticing the most free spirited individuals are reserved, myself included, but only cause society wont let us be free, or because we have been brainwashed to not think for ourselves, even though our instinctstry to point us in the right direction sometimes. I guess freedom has its tolls. to be free you must lose everything, and have nothing...i dont think you can be free from everything... its inconcievable. die trying i guess. even then we are bound to die...wow, thought bubble....question? Are we Ever FREE????????????
behind the oppsed who we call our leaders,who are above us in all the glory from the depths of hell. They speak of wisdom, of monkeys and birds, leading armies into battle with broken words.
spirits we are as we walk the earth, a chance at glory and infants birth,but there is no glory, only the old mans stories of the lies and the darkness that follows our dancing steps,into the party wearing shields, and swords drawn,
who am i to find the joker in myself, never understanging me, or the you, and the i,
i look sometimes and see a lost soul, yearning to live and understand, but away from the truths, away from everything that never was. What was there, im not sure, i thought, but forgot before i knew. Maybe the innocence of youth,didnt understand the complexity of my own mind, that creates a world, over analyzes, discusses, feeds, consumes, places above, and at times, has no clue what its doing, but has the liscense to drivesuch a simple bodied vehicle into the world.
cant find focus, purpose, but at times it makes sense, and sometimesnothing can be a comfort, because everything is dangerous, exhausted at times, and energized at others, depression? or weary of the answers? anxious....there are answers we will never see, never beleive never understandin my life, but the truths behind the predictions, behind the theories, behind the prayers is there, but what? what makes it all so unattainable? Why is it there, but gone, i look forward to the future buts theres fog, the past is dark as night, and now, its stormy. Hard to concentrate, and at times, i know there is soo much more to my existance than what i have been granted. The pointless battles of humanity, the evergrowing greed, the disease,and all this means nothing to me, yet, i have been taught the ways, and will put on the battle dress, and we will wage war on the world!! a war started long ago, that i am now a part of. So we can take the possessions of the world and call them our own, only to consume, and use and abuse them? To die in our glutony, and smoke our lungs, mistake loneliness for lust, knowing that passion is dust, and love is hard to find, its in the back of everyones minds, cant we give life a chance for once, the wicked and the cursed, have been dispursed into party. Unconscious as we are, we will never see the show. My thoughts are nocturnal, and they are fighting to be verbal, but concealed, i still yield, to share my mind. We never are who we truly want to be. why does our mind make us want something we are not? do we have choices, or our we dealt our own dilema?
lies, and cries for help, never recieved, never believed until now, that its nothing, that never was, i ask my self why, cause i didnt listen and opened my eyes, and now that i know, i can see it,feel it, hate it, and i question the perfection in this picture the people painted? is me who is wrong, or my ancestors ignorant ways, lack of an open mind, seeing the truths, living lies....
I try to paint that picture but it seems as if its just a replica other than my own masterpiece. I need a muse to inspire, to make me desire all the great things in this world. Maybe with age i will forget the rageand be able to turn the page and read on. The words for now make no sense. This was written by a crazy man,a helpless man, the book of life he wrote. But is it me or he who is crazy who disbelieves, whos words we heave,
moments of insanity....
the frequent lack of an open mind. its everywhere, and is nothing at the same time. I see beauty where others find frustration. self defense against a force that does not oppose. Have we made this situation, as well as the rest, something that they are not?who is to say who is right or wrong, and who will be banished, and who belongs.haha... sigh... i guess it can be as easy, or as complexed as i make it. Sometimes it feels good to do both. I think i just need to be free,and keep my open mind. sometimes, i am noticing the most free spirited individuals are reserved, myself included, but only cause society wont let us be free, or because we have been brainwashed to not think for ourselves, even though our instinctstry to point us in the right direction sometimes. I guess freedom has its tolls. to be free you must lose everything, and have nothing...i dont think you can be free from everything... its inconcievable. die trying i guess. even then we are bound to die...wow, thought bubble....question? Are we Ever FREE????????????
7.09.2004
Bee-man kicks my can which is his can and our can can aint your can but surprises can .. .. (umm) .. .. fart if you would like a tart made of homosexual heart.. (did that cross any lines?) ..but we're not hatin while masturbating without a glove making love to yourself in front of the fire getting higher with each toke, blowing smoke out four holes packing bowls with both feet, keeping my room neat.. OH NOO.. There Goes My Feet! crazy legs rolling around, slappin the ground, making some sound, ordering digital chinese food off e-bay..
sorry, that absolutely came out of nowhere.
i better call it quits for a bit.
Some random word: S[hingle]
sorry, that absolutely came out of nowhere.
i better call it quits for a bit.
Some random word: S[hingle]
7.08.2004
Just to let everyone know.. this is post number 102.
That deserves something but at the same time, nothing. And at that same special moment, the tradition of posting continues. How wonderful.
But sadly I must part from my computer screen early tonight. I need some sleep so I can be ready for work by 6:15. fun..
Anywho. Be kind. Rewind. Stay in tuned and you will be mooned with only the right cheek.
[.:>You're a Bitchy Bitch<:.]
Some Thoughts On Love: It's a wild ride.
That deserves something but at the same time, nothing. And at that same special moment, the tradition of posting continues. How wonderful.
But sadly I must part from my computer screen early tonight. I need some sleep so I can be ready for work by 6:15. fun..
Anywho. Be kind. Rewind. Stay in tuned and you will be mooned with only the right cheek.
[.:>You're a Bitchy Bitch<:.]
Some Thoughts On Love: It's a wild ride.
7.07.2004
I met a bar wench today, and she gave me cornbread and booze. I thought, im only 19, but her enormous...generosity.. told me i shouldn't complain. Anyways, seriously, i ate at the cracker barrel today. We had a class 04160 Entry Level ELINT (CTT A'School) party there. Why the cracker barrel? i dont know. My instructor has a wife he met in Japan who came with us, and lets just say Haiyuroko is still adjusting to our way of life. But yeah, the cracker barrel was fun. She didnt believe us about dipping food in ketchup. It was crazy, our waitress looked like an indian warrior from the back hovering a sweet 6ft and some odd inches above our ground, her name was Margo, and she was prolly in her mid 40's nd was missing a tooth, and she flirted with the marine in my class, and put my friend chris's face in her breasts. The whole time, i was choking on cornbread with laughter, then realized i was at a family resteraunt, and this behavior with the breasts was.. "out of the ordinary" to say the least. We then left and i went to a car wash to clean the car i borrowed, and when i pulled over to the Vacuum area, i noticed the fragrant, nose raping fragrance of human feces. I soon discovered a large pile of what most disgusted people would just call shit, but in the case, and unique structure, im gonna say poop.
((Sigh))
You know... sometimes, i just can't help but laugh at the world sometimes. I'd really like to just give a long awaited "THANK YOU" to all the strange people on this earth, cause sometimes, when i think my life sucks, i think about the guy, who took a shit next to the vacuum cleaner at the car wash on base, and realize whatever reason he had for doing this must have been shitty (no pun intended), but the even greater part of this mystery is, which branch he belongs to in our fearsome military. So have no fear, mr poopy pants is here...somewhere, waiting, plotting revenge on terrorists, and hopefully will help defend this country proudly.
Well, enough about that, but in response to my friend of all friends>>
"Yesterday i spoke to man, who said he could read my mind,
and as he spoke, he dove into the depths of time.
As he kept talking of the truths,
and the secrets of my youth,
i realized i was like he,
and could find the same problems with every mans social disease,
and i could find the same conclusions,
maybe the same solutions,
and when the words cut through me like a knife,
i realized the familiar pain of life,
with the words he dispenced, it all made sense...
we are all ill, but there are no pills
we live then we die, and its time to open your eyes,
forget about the past, because the future is vast,
its not always up to others to get you thru,
sometimes you have to make do, cause its all up to you...."
((Sigh))
You know... sometimes, i just can't help but laugh at the world sometimes. I'd really like to just give a long awaited "THANK YOU" to all the strange people on this earth, cause sometimes, when i think my life sucks, i think about the guy, who took a shit next to the vacuum cleaner at the car wash on base, and realize whatever reason he had for doing this must have been shitty (no pun intended), but the even greater part of this mystery is, which branch he belongs to in our fearsome military. So have no fear, mr poopy pants is here...somewhere, waiting, plotting revenge on terrorists, and hopefully will help defend this country proudly.
Well, enough about that, but in response to my friend of all friends>>
"Yesterday i spoke to man, who said he could read my mind,
and as he spoke, he dove into the depths of time.
As he kept talking of the truths,
and the secrets of my youth,
i realized i was like he,
and could find the same problems with every mans social disease,
and i could find the same conclusions,
maybe the same solutions,
and when the words cut through me like a knife,
i realized the familiar pain of life,
with the words he dispenced, it all made sense...
we are all ill, but there are no pills
we live then we die, and its time to open your eyes,
forget about the past, because the future is vast,
its not always up to others to get you thru,
sometimes you have to make do, cause its all up to you...."
7.06.2004
Ok people, time for a little experiment.
I'll listen to some music (incubus - a crow left..) and try to write some kind of poetry.
Toes...
Time flows like exposed toes,
Tossed in this void of senses.
Where enemies are not foes,
And borders aren't marked with fences.
Through the tall grass you'll see a sad man,
whose only problem was he couldn't say "I can.".
Leaning with his toes on the edge he stared down,
And began his free-fall towards town.
(Scott, feel free to respond to this, I know how much you like to rhyme)
A Random Word That Inspires Gas: Shard.. as in "Dude. . . I gotta shard."
I'll listen to some music (incubus - a crow left..) and try to write some kind of poetry.
Toes...
Time flows like exposed toes,
Tossed in this void of senses.
Where enemies are not foes,
And borders aren't marked with fences.
Through the tall grass you'll see a sad man,
whose only problem was he couldn't say "I can.".
Leaning with his toes on the edge he stared down,
And began his free-fall towards town.
(Scott, feel free to respond to this, I know how much you like to rhyme)
A Random Word That Inspires Gas: Shard.. as in "Dude. . . I gotta shard."
7.04.2004
Well,
I can officially say, freakship is gonna make a comeback. Dr. Gonzo is finally back. Took awhile, but hey, a new laptop is hard to come by.
Anyways, what can i say about my life other than its in transition. I think back to the endless nights i spent with jared driving around in the baiyo mobile discussing a barrage of endless topics, mostly about our lives. I miss those days. However, the change was needed, and i had to make some sacrifices to achieve my own personal goals.
I remember those nights, sitting in the elbow room, writing as fast as my hand could write in my journal about my life, and trying to get out of flushing. I yearned experience, i wanted to hear other people's stories for once, instead of writing about my own. I strive for experience, i think its the only way we can individualize ourselves away from the security of a stereotype, or clique. Im not saying all of us in flushing were stereotypes, but we definately were all alike. Just creative individuals trying to express ourselves, trying to find a deeper, more meaningful humanity that doesnt exist in flushing. This is why we all must go see the world seperately. Our creative genius is to small for that town. But like i said, we will all be back there someday sitting in the same old places, enjoying eachother's company, and telling the stories about the people we met, and the places we have seen. Truth be told, the times we spent there, so carefree our gone.
Trust me though, its time to let go, bend your knees, and jump, and all i can say is brace for impact, cause that jump into life is a rush, and than it hits you, and everything makes sense. You have to get out of the passive observer mode. You can't sit back and assume you know yourself, or you know the world. I thought i knew all that, or at least had a good grip on it. I didnt. There are things i know alot about, and things i feel that no one can take away, but trust me, until you step out of your reality, and into another, you dont know what lies all around you, outside of everything you've known.
Its a trip. Pupils dilated, sweaty palms, strange people, strange conversations, reflections of old memories, connections to space and time, past and present, future, than an every growing chuckle that errupts into a neverending laughter spell, and at times its quiet.........an instant becomes an eternity.........and for some moments you see the beauty, and other times you see the complexity. But for the most part, you can only generalize it all into two words....its either crazy, or weird. and the peak, i know will be chaos, it always is, but it will all slow down eventually, and then i know i'll be able to see the truth behind it all. You will all understand to, you just have to dare to be great. Let it all take hold, and run with it, dont try to stop it, or sleep it off, just let it take hold.....
I dunno, i guess, at times its hard to be out here, doin my thing, missing out on memorable moments back home. But, sometimes you have to sacrifice some things. Its gonna take me awhile to spit everything out that i have been thinking about for the last few monthes. I can assure you i dont regret leaving, but dont misjudge that. If you know me, you know i needed to be on the move for awhile, im not sure how long just yet..... i will never forget the times, even though the times will change, the friendships will always last. I guess the best way to describe it is, i know my connections with all my friends back home, with my family, but what about the connection to ourselves? that is what i think alot of us never understand, which is why we can get so lost sometimes, why we forget, and why people stop caring. Your life is yours... dont let it get away, chase that shit down and jump on it like a fuckin pitbull if you have to!!
Its 3am, and the nights almost over.
Life as i can best put it for now...
>>the Dr.
I can officially say, freakship is gonna make a comeback. Dr. Gonzo is finally back. Took awhile, but hey, a new laptop is hard to come by.
Anyways, what can i say about my life other than its in transition. I think back to the endless nights i spent with jared driving around in the baiyo mobile discussing a barrage of endless topics, mostly about our lives. I miss those days. However, the change was needed, and i had to make some sacrifices to achieve my own personal goals.
I remember those nights, sitting in the elbow room, writing as fast as my hand could write in my journal about my life, and trying to get out of flushing. I yearned experience, i wanted to hear other people's stories for once, instead of writing about my own. I strive for experience, i think its the only way we can individualize ourselves away from the security of a stereotype, or clique. Im not saying all of us in flushing were stereotypes, but we definately were all alike. Just creative individuals trying to express ourselves, trying to find a deeper, more meaningful humanity that doesnt exist in flushing. This is why we all must go see the world seperately. Our creative genius is to small for that town. But like i said, we will all be back there someday sitting in the same old places, enjoying eachother's company, and telling the stories about the people we met, and the places we have seen. Truth be told, the times we spent there, so carefree our gone.
Trust me though, its time to let go, bend your knees, and jump, and all i can say is brace for impact, cause that jump into life is a rush, and than it hits you, and everything makes sense. You have to get out of the passive observer mode. You can't sit back and assume you know yourself, or you know the world. I thought i knew all that, or at least had a good grip on it. I didnt. There are things i know alot about, and things i feel that no one can take away, but trust me, until you step out of your reality, and into another, you dont know what lies all around you, outside of everything you've known.
Its a trip. Pupils dilated, sweaty palms, strange people, strange conversations, reflections of old memories, connections to space and time, past and present, future, than an every growing chuckle that errupts into a neverending laughter spell, and at times its quiet.........an instant becomes an eternity.........and for some moments you see the beauty, and other times you see the complexity. But for the most part, you can only generalize it all into two words....its either crazy, or weird. and the peak, i know will be chaos, it always is, but it will all slow down eventually, and then i know i'll be able to see the truth behind it all. You will all understand to, you just have to dare to be great. Let it all take hold, and run with it, dont try to stop it, or sleep it off, just let it take hold.....
I dunno, i guess, at times its hard to be out here, doin my thing, missing out on memorable moments back home. But, sometimes you have to sacrifice some things. Its gonna take me awhile to spit everything out that i have been thinking about for the last few monthes. I can assure you i dont regret leaving, but dont misjudge that. If you know me, you know i needed to be on the move for awhile, im not sure how long just yet..... i will never forget the times, even though the times will change, the friendships will always last. I guess the best way to describe it is, i know my connections with all my friends back home, with my family, but what about the connection to ourselves? that is what i think alot of us never understand, which is why we can get so lost sometimes, why we forget, and why people stop caring. Your life is yours... dont let it get away, chase that shit down and jump on it like a fuckin pitbull if you have to!!
Its 3am, and the nights almost over.
Life as i can best put it for now...
>>the Dr.
6.18.2004
blah. its been a while since i posted, so i thought i might as well.
ive been thinking a lot about nothing lately and it doesnt make me feel useful. another waste of life to some. maybe its the fact that i dont have as many responsibilities as i did 2 months ago with school and all.
i dont know where im going with this but i have no real direction. perhaps that's the problem. or maybe the fact that there's too much stress in my life.
both sound convincing, but who really knows what's wrong with those of us. normally it takes an outsiders eye to locate your flaws.
well, i need to get ready for work.
ramble on..
Words that work: Sashay
ive been thinking a lot about nothing lately and it doesnt make me feel useful. another waste of life to some. maybe its the fact that i dont have as many responsibilities as i did 2 months ago with school and all.
i dont know where im going with this but i have no real direction. perhaps that's the problem. or maybe the fact that there's too much stress in my life.
both sound convincing, but who really knows what's wrong with those of us. normally it takes an outsiders eye to locate your flaws.
well, i need to get ready for work.
ramble on..
Words that work: Sashay
5.11.2004
yo
well, im in sunny pensacola florida.... no oranges or alligators where i am at, just rednecks and rebel flags.
but anyways, its good to be free! and guess what, i just booked a flight home for memorial day weekend, soooo, dont make plans cause the coolest kid flushing ever knew will be back....
ps. retards work in my cafeteria...
well, im in sunny pensacola florida.... no oranges or alligators where i am at, just rednecks and rebel flags.
but anyways, its good to be free! and guess what, i just booked a flight home for memorial day weekend, soooo, dont make plans cause the coolest kid flushing ever knew will be back....
ps. retards work in my cafeteria...
5.04.2004
4.19.2004
4.18.2004
Well, I think its safe to say the doctor will see you now. Yes ladies and gentleman, hold the applause, and give two thumbs up because the doctor is out of boot camp.
Wow, the things i realized while i was there. Turns out that once you quit smoking your lungs work properly. I found out i have a natural talent in running.
Other than that, wow, kind of a culture shock right now, i feel like a tamed animal trying to be released back into the wild. I actually listened to music yesterday and today for the first time in a few monthes, ate fast food, and enjoyed a cold refreshing mountain dew, and look at me now...using the internet!!
well, im gonna go and see what other amazing things i can do, but dont get discouraged because the doctor is back!!
Wow, the things i realized while i was there. Turns out that once you quit smoking your lungs work properly. I found out i have a natural talent in running.
Other than that, wow, kind of a culture shock right now, i feel like a tamed animal trying to be released back into the wild. I actually listened to music yesterday and today for the first time in a few monthes, ate fast food, and enjoyed a cold refreshing mountain dew, and look at me now...using the internet!!
well, im gonna go and see what other amazing things i can do, but dont get discouraged because the doctor is back!!
4.15.2004
4.08.2004
2.16.2004
I Hate Mondays...
Sorry, my last post was getting lonely.
Some words: Time is just a figment of our imagination. Sure, we have calendars, clocks, day and night, at el, but my point is this.. we are nothing.. not even dust. We eat, sleep, and drink our own sub-conscious. If a mile wide slab of rock (not slabchuck) came screaming towards us, would the universe blink? Nah.
Throughout history, only three supernovas have been witnessed in our galaxy; 1054, 1572, and in 1604. The Crab Nebula is the remains if the supernova of 1054.
Now put that into perspective. Obviously there have been more than just three supernovas in the universe. So one must wonder, if we (humans) are almost as rare/common as supernovas, then there is no doubt that we are not alone.
What does that have to do with time? Who gives a shit. But what I know, is that we are NOT thinking for ourselves.
Listening to one person, or people, or groups of people, or a society is not thinking for your own..
^^SO BE AN INDIVIDUAL!^^%i,ióΘz→h
Sorry, my last post was getting lonely.
Some words: Time is just a figment of our imagination. Sure, we have calendars, clocks, day and night, at el, but my point is this.. we are nothing.. not even dust. We eat, sleep, and drink our own sub-conscious. If a mile wide slab of rock (not slabchuck) came screaming towards us, would the universe blink? Nah.
Throughout history, only three supernovas have been witnessed in our galaxy; 1054, 1572, and in 1604. The Crab Nebula is the remains if the supernova of 1054.
Now put that into perspective. Obviously there have been more than just three supernovas in the universe. So one must wonder, if we (humans) are almost as rare/common as supernovas, then there is no doubt that we are not alone.
What does that have to do with time? Who gives a shit. But what I know, is that we are NOT thinking for ourselves.
Listening to one person, or people, or groups of people, or a society is not thinking for your own..
^^SO BE AN INDIVIDUAL!^^%i,ióΘz→h
2.02.2004
Well, Scott's leaving earlier.. and I don't quite know what to think.
There you go scott.. See you in like... FOUR FREAKIN YEARS!
I know I'll miss you.. but I can't imagine not being able to converse with you.
The times we've shared smiling, laughing, discussing our personal lives.
I have enormous amounts of trust, respect, and anything else a strong friendship would be built on.
I'm sitting in my computer class right now, but I guess I need to get to work.
Oh well..
Cya Bia
Some words: You better call me asshole! If you don't.. I.. will.. be.. sad.
There you go scott.. See you in like... FOUR FREAKIN YEARS!
I know I'll miss you.. but I can't imagine not being able to converse with you.
The times we've shared smiling, laughing, discussing our personal lives.
I have enormous amounts of trust, respect, and anything else a strong friendship would be built on.
I'm sitting in my computer class right now, but I guess I need to get to work.
Oh well..
Cya Bia
Some words: You better call me asshole! If you don't.. I.. will.. be.. sad.
1.21.2004
You know.. a funny thing happens when you receive bad news (really bad news)..
1) You stop whatever you're doing and just stare at whats infront of you.
2) Your mouth opens about an inch as the news sinks in.
3) You sit there with nothing to say as you listen to your heart pound faster and faster.
4) After three or four minutes, you remember the past memories that seem so vivid.
5) By the time the bad news is over, you're in tears.
6) Your muscles tighten and tears poor down your face.
Then you wake up the next morning and you don't know what to think. You're still stupified by the whole situation..
"Why? Why did I saw those things? Why didn't I love him more? I feel incomplete.."
(pause)(fending off tears)
But in the end.. nothing can be said to make you feel better. You just need time to get over it. You just need someone there to be there, to confort you, to hold you, to let you know your not alone.
But when you're a kid, your dad is your hero. He's a big tough man that doesn't take shit from anybody. You look up to him.
He teaches you things about life that you can only realize when your older.
(crying again)
I guess things will be different without him.
1) You stop whatever you're doing and just stare at whats infront of you.
2) Your mouth opens about an inch as the news sinks in.
3) You sit there with nothing to say as you listen to your heart pound faster and faster.
4) After three or four minutes, you remember the past memories that seem so vivid.
5) By the time the bad news is over, you're in tears.
6) Your muscles tighten and tears poor down your face.
Then you wake up the next morning and you don't know what to think. You're still stupified by the whole situation..
"Why? Why did I saw those things? Why didn't I love him more? I feel incomplete.."
(pause)(fending off tears)
But in the end.. nothing can be said to make you feel better. You just need time to get over it. You just need someone there to be there, to confort you, to hold you, to let you know your not alone.
But when you're a kid, your dad is your hero. He's a big tough man that doesn't take shit from anybody. You look up to him.
He teaches you things about life that you can only realize when your older.
(crying again)
I guess things will be different without him.
1.20.2004
Its like, in the end it all comes together, and you're glad that the sun is out and the fog and clouds have disappeared, and everything is clear. You made sense of everything you didnt understand, and you're left with the good vibrations for tomorrow.
Everyday is something new with all of us. Some people get trapped in the confusion, sometimes everyone's pace in life gets mixed together and we forget that we move at our own speed. It's when we get all mixed up in other peoples paces that we can't understand everything in our head, and we get all confused and stressed. You gotta stop sometimes, take your break, and look at all your situations and all the questions in your head and understand them. Thats when you can stretch you legs, put on your shoes and start moving forward again. We all gotta take a break sometimes, its good for you!
Change of subject here, and forgive me, it was a random thought, and have taken time to focus it all, so deal with me.
Some people say they hate war, and that the goverment doesnt care about what we as the people of the united states have to say. However, take a look at the sixties, and not in a poser "I love the sixties" attitude. The Vietnam war was something the people of the united states hated. We had a whole movement of hippies change the views of our country. Their pure essence hate for the war, and that peace and love were the true fuels behind life.
Now, let's look at something. Did we lose the war? I dont think we did, i think the people made a good enough point to our goverment, our peers and their children that the war was wrong. And eventually there opposing views made the war look bad, and horrible, and it escalated to the point where the US pulled out of vietnam and brought our people home.
As of now, it looks as though our generation has forgetten what the movement of the generation of the sixties fought for and proved. They proved that if the people want to be heard, they need to band together. And if we truly do believe that the war in Iraq is wrong, then there needs to be a movement against it. People will ban together.
Our generation lacks a non-political leader of the people. We lack the motivation to stand up on our own. We want someone else to stand up so others will follow. And im not saying i disagree with the war, im saying there is huge debate, and i hear people complain about it alot, and im telling you to stand up for what you believe. I think thats what we lack as people nowadays. I want to see people express themselves. But most people do is sit back and complain about other people, and therefore, there is never any real motivation behind their beliefs. And im not talking about just war. Altogether, we need to express ourselves with a real integrity, not this fake shit from indonesia that we are trying to sell to the people we complain to all the time.
This is America, A country built on people who stood up for themselves and expressed their views and didn't give up. We are a country full of half assed fakes using people's beliefs and structure from a few hundred years ago that we dont understand anymore. We are a bunch of posers. Its like we say we are a democracy, but are to lazy to get up and express how we feel anymore. The only person i see saying anything is Michael Moore, and instead of saying, im glad to see an american using democracy the way it should, most people say, what an asswhole, our Dictator knows whats best for us.
Anyways, hopefully that makes some sense. Cause, im awesome, and you guys are awesome, and i hope we are on the same level....
Everyday is something new with all of us. Some people get trapped in the confusion, sometimes everyone's pace in life gets mixed together and we forget that we move at our own speed. It's when we get all mixed up in other peoples paces that we can't understand everything in our head, and we get all confused and stressed. You gotta stop sometimes, take your break, and look at all your situations and all the questions in your head and understand them. Thats when you can stretch you legs, put on your shoes and start moving forward again. We all gotta take a break sometimes, its good for you!
Change of subject here, and forgive me, it was a random thought, and have taken time to focus it all, so deal with me.
Some people say they hate war, and that the goverment doesnt care about what we as the people of the united states have to say. However, take a look at the sixties, and not in a poser "I love the sixties" attitude. The Vietnam war was something the people of the united states hated. We had a whole movement of hippies change the views of our country. Their pure essence hate for the war, and that peace and love were the true fuels behind life.
Now, let's look at something. Did we lose the war? I dont think we did, i think the people made a good enough point to our goverment, our peers and their children that the war was wrong. And eventually there opposing views made the war look bad, and horrible, and it escalated to the point where the US pulled out of vietnam and brought our people home.
As of now, it looks as though our generation has forgetten what the movement of the generation of the sixties fought for and proved. They proved that if the people want to be heard, they need to band together. And if we truly do believe that the war in Iraq is wrong, then there needs to be a movement against it. People will ban together.
Our generation lacks a non-political leader of the people. We lack the motivation to stand up on our own. We want someone else to stand up so others will follow. And im not saying i disagree with the war, im saying there is huge debate, and i hear people complain about it alot, and im telling you to stand up for what you believe. I think thats what we lack as people nowadays. I want to see people express themselves. But most people do is sit back and complain about other people, and therefore, there is never any real motivation behind their beliefs. And im not talking about just war. Altogether, we need to express ourselves with a real integrity, not this fake shit from indonesia that we are trying to sell to the people we complain to all the time.
This is America, A country built on people who stood up for themselves and expressed their views and didn't give up. We are a country full of half assed fakes using people's beliefs and structure from a few hundred years ago that we dont understand anymore. We are a bunch of posers. Its like we say we are a democracy, but are to lazy to get up and express how we feel anymore. The only person i see saying anything is Michael Moore, and instead of saying, im glad to see an american using democracy the way it should, most people say, what an asswhole, our Dictator knows whats best for us.
Anyways, hopefully that makes some sense. Cause, im awesome, and you guys are awesome, and i hope we are on the same level....
1.04.2004
Well, now its 3:41 a.m. and I just got done doing some ( what I thought were going to be quick ) changes to the site.
Nothing drastic, but necessary to remain unlike the rest that seem to lack individuality ( that I've been told of.. ).
Now for some closure.
ertergtgdfgdf
"Get some sleep"
Spoken Words : Leave the drama behind you. Enjoy the simple pleasures in life. Do not complicate your life with people that you can not stand. Be yourself. Why be someone else? How else would you truely know what makes you happy?
Nothing drastic, but necessary to remain unlike the rest that seem to lack individuality ( that I've been told of.. ).
Now for some closure.
ertergtgdfgdf
"Get some sleep"
Spoken Words : Leave the drama behind you. Enjoy the simple pleasures in life. Do not complicate your life with people that you can not stand. Be yourself. Why be someone else? How else would you truely know what makes you happy?
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