Random Ramblings on my scribbly bibblies. I just dont understand life. Is it wrong to feel like nothing we dont self create is worth our time? I think about school, and so many other things. They are just things other people throw into my life and tell me i have to do so i can make it thru my life. Part of me says i should care about my hw and research paper and my grades....but then i realize i never fuckin decided this research paper would helo me out in life, im not a fuckin scientist, so why the hell should i fuckin care! It makes me more happy to sit here and drink my pink lemonade and eat popcorn and chips then to get a good grade on this paper or more or less turn it in. Cause this paper has already taken 3 hours of my life away from me. Do people understand this concept? or is it just me. I dont feel bad, or like im a lazy kid, just that im living my life how i wanna live it, and if living my life doesnt involve a fuckin research paper then im not gonna do it. Thats the simplest part of my life at the time. So many other things goin on and stuff i can't even truly explain to myself or to others. I just know it feels like there is battle in my head of what i should do and what i shouldnt do and im just not sure.
Does a person truly ever know what makes them happy? Is happiness just ignoring the truth which is that your not happy. Do other people make you happy, or do you make yourself happy. Is happiness just supposed to happen? Thats thing i dont understand. Like you can make yourself happy, but is it just cause your ignoring the bad stuff. Or is because you just are happy. Like my current situation makes me angry, like extremely angry, depressed, sometimes sad. So i think, how do i solve it, i cant change the past so does dealing with the situation mean i should just block it out and ignore it? Cause i know no one can tell me it isnt a bad situation cause it is. And no one can just pull happiness out of their pocket and hand it to me so i think about how i am supposed to get happy again. I say, my mind is good enough to block it out and ignore it, but then it just means that i never solved it. Im not trying to say i have a problem to deal with, im saying i dont understand feelings, cause its just something you can control.....so how do people say they are happy? Its just cause they made themselves happy. And when people are mad they just make themselves mad...so its never really true when someone says "That person makes me angry" This whole idea just boggles my mind to where i have to laugh cause now i feel like nothing matters ya know? Im controlling it all........... so where does life go from there?????
Music: "In My Place" by Coldplay
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