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4.11.2003

Simplicity.... Thats what we all should live for. Not this mixed up world where chains bind us to the prison in which we built for ourselves. Thinking of what is now, and what is to come is all i do. There is nothing in the past that binds me from pursuing my current state or my future.

Inner thoughts of happiness, overcome with curiousity for tomorrow. My peace of mind is in myself, alone. I find my dreams are my exploration into my unconscious which i have brought out every night, and am eager to go to bed each and every time to see what my mind will unfold with its complexity. Theories to who we are, and why we are what we are.

We have created our world around us, despite the fact we feel like we are stuck here and are conforming to what surrounds us. Our mind find some way to be comfortable with man's creations. Our cd players, cars, tv's, computers. These things we create around ourselves to live and function. Each and everyone of us creates a space (our rooms normally) filled with these things. The space in which we fill with our creations is what makes us who we are. We make no

connection to them

, just pass them by like it is how we are supposed to live. We have seperate rooms in our houses...but why? Because we can only function certain ways in certain places. A bedroom to escape the choas of the house...when we want to interact with others we go to the ............. living ......... room. But .................who ............ ever decided we needed seperate rooms. Have you ever thought about why we had those seperate rooms. Its just something each person has imbedded in their minds.
Now think about this. Our every day world, is a prison in which we bound ourselves to. Our house is like an individual cell and the world is just a huge prison. We have told ourselves which areas we are welcome to, which places we can drive on, when we are allowed out in the world, and when we have to stay in our cell. When was the last time you filled a backpack full of the bare neccessities and just started walking. When you got tired you built a fire, and slept. ) You ( do this till you find your ultimate spot. This spot is where you create your house which you build from logs and whatnot. The answer is never. We are bound to the rules we made for ourselves. In fact we even have to have regulations on the house we build to meet the standards of people we will never see or meet or interact with.

Now there are also questions and things i have heard about, and now think about. Like what if our whole existance is a set path. Not because of god, not because of some other forces...but just particles that are reacting to eachother. Every movement is just because some particle hit another and made the random assortment. The more reactions that happen, the more defined things come. Did we end up where we re sitting right now because we chose too, or because some random events in microscopic particles moved us here. our hands moving causes particles to move around, moving a piece of dust that lands on top of a desk which we will eventually dust. Every thing we have done is just a reaction to something that happened before. So how are we so sure we are really choosing what we do???? Now think about this. You tell yourself you are hungary..but are you really choosing when your hungary? Or is your brain just doing this without your control. And when you question if you are in control of your life...you have to think that its just your brain telling you to question it... ... . ..... telling me to type it...telling me to move my fingers...so when i try to defy it...its the same result...my brain is just saying to defy it and to move my fingers and explain this to you as im doin. So now you ...or at least i feel as if i have no control of anything i do..which is weird. And why do we try to think that we...or i am a >>>> seperate being <<< then my brain? Which makes you >> <<< really >>> wonder what the hell makes you, you....

No this is the point where insomnia kicks in. Which is where i find myself quite often when these questions come to mind. And there is an ongoing search to find out the asnwers, but it seems impossible. I think this is where religion comes in... Its a easy way for us to forget about the impossible questions and just say "well there is a higher being that has the answers, and he..or they will expplain it to us when we die. But think about this..and dont be a ignorant christian, or whatever religion you are and say "Well the higher being has always been there since the beginning, and will always be there...he just is, and will always be" ....Honestly, if you believe that then your just closed minded. Im not denying that there is a higher being or that a higher being has the answers...i question where this higher being came from, and how he was created. How are we to know we are not the first, and that we are the beginning? Not that i believe that we are the beginning. We are just here by some reason which im sure will never be explained or understood in my lifetime.

These kind of questions are what brings me back to our prisons. Its impossible for us to understand infinate space..neverending space...and its also impossible to imagine nothing..and if there was nothing. And unconsciously we protect ourselves from having to think about these questions. Which is why we build our houses... they are an enclosed space, not to big to think outside off, and not to small to feel like there is nothing. We just have a sense of limits which assures us of beginning and end. This simple structure is easy for us to live with..Cause we can think outside of it , and inside. Another reason why we dont undertand our heads. How can such a small place hold so much information??? Its almost impossible to understand how are brain works.. How do some miniature cells create memories and store them for so long? Its just little particles and how many does it take to hold a memory?

Theres so much out there to learn and undertsand and yet we close ourselves off from it. One thing in life i will never understand. Instead all we do is create things to distract our mind from all this..thats why the only time you think of ?questions? like this is when you are alone..doing nothing................................


this prison

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