12.23.2003
12.18.2003
Remember how life can…
Make you feel alive?
The numbers 24, 7, 12, 52, and 365 mean nothing. Cause everything is in slow motion. You remember to breath and time collapses. There is no pace, and everything is still, but there is this movement about everything. You can’t even have self expression cause it won’t give you the poetic justice you need to feel.
I indulge in this, and I can’t begin to explain. The point where everything is making sense, the point where nothing matters cause you understand it all. When the day is gone, your body is numb, before you’re asleep, as you wind down. When you lose yourself in the world and just keep driving. You feel as though the night is endless and you don’t want the world to wake up yet, you just want to keep driving. A feeling better than any drug, better than any story, cause its only this moment that you will feel it, and you either grasp it and hold on and never forget, or it fades. You forget, and you are lost.
But all you can do is remember to breath, and you feel alive, and there is no illusion in front of your eyes. Peace of mind that is lost to everyone’s daily obsessions. The real fantasy in life is that you can’t have anything if you succeeded in gaining it. The best you can do is lose yourself in that fantasy and know that this is far better.
You look back on the illusions of your life. You find your obsessions and destroy them with free will. Cause this is your life, which is yours to create. Don’t let them stop you, don’t let the distractions work their way into everything. You are alive….. and that is more powerful than??? Everything!
See the light in everything, cause when you’re lost in the dark no one can help u but yourself. The fact that we all know this is what is amazing. We all want it, but we want other people to bring us out of the dark. But all they can do is show us the way, we have to make that step… one blind step into the light.
When was the last time you really felt alive?
Make you feel alive?
The numbers 24, 7, 12, 52, and 365 mean nothing. Cause everything is in slow motion. You remember to breath and time collapses. There is no pace, and everything is still, but there is this movement about everything. You can’t even have self expression cause it won’t give you the poetic justice you need to feel.
I indulge in this, and I can’t begin to explain. The point where everything is making sense, the point where nothing matters cause you understand it all. When the day is gone, your body is numb, before you’re asleep, as you wind down. When you lose yourself in the world and just keep driving. You feel as though the night is endless and you don’t want the world to wake up yet, you just want to keep driving. A feeling better than any drug, better than any story, cause its only this moment that you will feel it, and you either grasp it and hold on and never forget, or it fades. You forget, and you are lost.
But all you can do is remember to breath, and you feel alive, and there is no illusion in front of your eyes. Peace of mind that is lost to everyone’s daily obsessions. The real fantasy in life is that you can’t have anything if you succeeded in gaining it. The best you can do is lose yourself in that fantasy and know that this is far better.
You look back on the illusions of your life. You find your obsessions and destroy them with free will. Cause this is your life, which is yours to create. Don’t let them stop you, don’t let the distractions work their way into everything. You are alive….. and that is more powerful than??? Everything!
See the light in everything, cause when you’re lost in the dark no one can help u but yourself. The fact that we all know this is what is amazing. We all want it, but we want other people to bring us out of the dark. But all they can do is show us the way, we have to make that step… one blind step into the light.
When was the last time you really felt alive?
12.14.2003
And now im back from outer space.
Life intrigues me. There is never any way to know what will happen next. To say in the least, everything happens for a reason. Let me acknowledge that one more time.. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!
You may not know it at the time, or it may not be understood at the time it happens, or as it happens.. But nonetheless, there is purpose behind every situation we are dealt. You just have to take what you can learn from it, and it's that understanding that makes one wise.
Wisdom: not knowing the facts but understanding the truths behind every day events.
I don't claim to be wise, but i can readily admit im trying to learn. But it is weird that when i look at everything that happens to me, incuding the things i hate, i see the truth behind them. And it seems like after all this time that i have been dealt the chocolate covered pretzel handshake, it has really just been a lesson to be learnt. And i see that now. This is where accepting the truths are key. >>
Its like, everyday situations there are two choices. 1) being that you want something to happen and you over analyze it to make it sound like its right. and 2) what you know is the right thing to do, and know that it is wrong to do anything else besides deny choice 1.
These two choices either make or break you. Not right away, but in the end. You can be wise and always choose #2... or you can be ignorant and try to justify choice #1. End result, the wisdom is either there, or needed to be learned. The only way, to never gain, is to deny.
Its all a game we play, a learning experience, but the answers are out there....
the wise once said "Don't get lost in denial, cause you'll never find the truth"
Life intrigues me. There is never any way to know what will happen next. To say in the least, everything happens for a reason. Let me acknowledge that one more time.. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!
You may not know it at the time, or it may not be understood at the time it happens, or as it happens.. But nonetheless, there is purpose behind every situation we are dealt. You just have to take what you can learn from it, and it's that understanding that makes one wise.
Wisdom: not knowing the facts but understanding the truths behind every day events.
I don't claim to be wise, but i can readily admit im trying to learn. But it is weird that when i look at everything that happens to me, incuding the things i hate, i see the truth behind them. And it seems like after all this time that i have been dealt the chocolate covered pretzel handshake, it has really just been a lesson to be learnt. And i see that now. This is where accepting the truths are key. >>
Its like, everyday situations there are two choices. 1) being that you want something to happen and you over analyze it to make it sound like its right. and 2) what you know is the right thing to do, and know that it is wrong to do anything else besides deny choice 1.
These two choices either make or break you. Not right away, but in the end. You can be wise and always choose #2... or you can be ignorant and try to justify choice #1. End result, the wisdom is either there, or needed to be learned. The only way, to never gain, is to deny.
Its all a game we play, a learning experience, but the answers are out there....
the wise once said "Don't get lost in denial, cause you'll never find the truth"
And now im back from outer space.
Life intrigues me. There is never any way to know what will happen next. To say in the least, everything happens for a reason. Let me acknowledge that one more time.. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!
You may not know it at the time, or it may not be understood at the time it happens, or as it happens.. But nonetheless, there is purpose behind every situation we are dealt. You just have to take what you can learn from it, and it's that understanding that makes one wise.
Wisdom: not knowing the facts but understanding the truths behind every day events.
I don't claim to be wise, but i can readily admit im trying to learn. But it is weird that when i look at everything that happens to me, incuding the things i hate, i see the truth behind them. And it seems like after all this time that i have been dealt the chocolate covered pretzel handshake, it has really just been a lesson to be learnt. And i see that now. This is where accepting the truths are key. >>
Its like, everyday situations there are two choices. 1) being that you want something to happen and you over analyze it to make it sound like its right. and 2) what you know is the right thing to do, and know that it is wrong to do anything else besides deny choice 1.
These two choices either make or break you. Not right away, but in the end. You can be wise and always choose #2... or you can be ignorant and try to justify choice #1. End result, the wisdom is either there, or needed to be learned. The only way, to never gain, is to deny.
Its all a game we play, a learning experience, but the answers are out there....
the wise once said "Don't get lost in denial, cause you'll never find the truth"
Life intrigues me. There is never any way to know what will happen next. To say in the least, everything happens for a reason. Let me acknowledge that one more time.. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!
You may not know it at the time, or it may not be understood at the time it happens, or as it happens.. But nonetheless, there is purpose behind every situation we are dealt. You just have to take what you can learn from it, and it's that understanding that makes one wise.
Wisdom: not knowing the facts but understanding the truths behind every day events.
I don't claim to be wise, but i can readily admit im trying to learn. But it is weird that when i look at everything that happens to me, incuding the things i hate, i see the truth behind them. And it seems like after all this time that i have been dealt the chocolate covered pretzel handshake, it has really just been a lesson to be learnt. And i see that now. This is where accepting the truths are key. >>
Its like, everyday situations there are two choices. 1) being that you want something to happen and you over analyze it to make it sound like its right. and 2) what you know is the right thing to do, and know that it is wrong to do anything else besides deny choice 1.
These two choices either make or break you. Not right away, but in the end. You can be wise and always choose #2... or you can be ignorant and try to justify choice #1. End result, the wisdom is either there, or needed to be learned. The only way, to never gain, is to deny.
Its all a game we play, a learning experience, but the answers are out there....
the wise once said "Don't get lost in denial, cause you'll never find the truth"
12.12.2003
Man, i had such a ...weird day. I hated it, i was confused by it, then i was...enthralled by it. I have had way to much stuff on my mind lately. I think i took it out on people here and there, and i apologize for that.
I hate it when i realize i have been wrong. Feel free to send me insults at my home address. I deserve them.
Dude...i really want some Timmy O's right now!! Who's coming with me...
I hate it when i realize i have been wrong. Feel free to send me insults at my home address. I deserve them.
Dude...i really want some Timmy O's right now!! Who's coming with me...
12.11.2003
"We have been living life in a bubble
We have to get out before it explodes.
Remember when i wrote about writing at our breaking points of insanity or creativity....Well.. id say im leaning toward insanity.
There is nothing worse than breakdown. You can feel it building to that point. And you hold back and deny it for as long as you can. Trying to ignore, trying to forget. Only thing you can forget is how to breath. Thats when you know you have to let go. And it all hits you at once and you let everything flow through. A waterfall of emotions hits you... then you let go.... and it all comes out and there is release. Open up your eyes, open up your eyes.
I felt as though everything had built up inside of me for a long time. Years even. And things that i dealt with on a day to day basis never seemed that bad till today. Something about the words sparked a flame inside me. It hurt, and i realized, i havent been happy. I needed release. I was lost, and can't decide if i still am or not. Silent refection now. I just needed to see something good, see someone who could witness me, someone who could show me reality. But there was no one. i wanted to see you soooo bad. " i looked in your direction, and you paid me no attention do you? I know you dont listen to me, cause you say you see right thru me dont you?"
i didnt have anyone, and thats what i think really set everything off cause there was no where to turn.
"oh no, whats this, a spider web and im caught in the middle
so i turn to run, and thought of all the stupid things ive done
and i never meant to cause you touble
and i never meant to do you wrong
but i wonder if i ever caused you trouble
oh i never meant to do you harm."
I think i see things in other people, that are reflections of things i have seen before that hurt me. It ruins me knowing outcomes of situations before they happen cause i have seen them before. I only stress those beliefs when i see them again in my life. And i try soo so hard to change it, but its hard. " Nobody said it was easy" and i think thats what i have to realize cause i thought it was. There is so much i feel, and so much i want to express, but my actions are lost to some people. I find myself wanting to give up all the time. And thats what got me here. I ignore my own beliefs sometimes. And i always wind up here. Breakdown. You have to think everything thru so you can understand it. Its not about giving up, giving up is a way to ignore the fact that you have to accept everything for what it is and that you can't change the world. But you can never stop trying. Sometimes the best you can do is express yourself to the world and the world take that expression as it will. even if it doesnt change it, you feel better knowing its out there.
I feel like i actually woke up, and that things on some level make sense to me. I think i just numbed away everything for so long with certain things. And i think the reality of those things and what they took away is really starting to show. Call me a loser for saying they ruin you, maybe not alltogether, but they take away a part of you. And the reality of getting it all back can be alot to handle. Its like i was locked up in a room with the doors open. There was so much outside, of them but it was comforting inside as well, cause i didnt have to deal with what was outside. Thats where sleep came into play. Sleeping all the time cause i always felt tired, and always feel tired. I think it was just an easy escape from things. But the more i slept the more my dreams started making sense. There is to much truth in them now to deny them. I read back over them now and i see a reality i cant ignore.
I dont know what the general outcome is i guess. Or if today was a chance to understand myself or not. I just know it feels really good. I had my guard up for so long, and when i can sit here and admit that i just feel relieved. I can't live life like that, it doesnt make me happy. Just letting it go, letting my guard down. Maybe i am naive, maybe im ignorant. But i know what i want in life.
My day started horrible. I was hungover, i had a dentist appointment (which some of you know how much i despise dentists..well the evil ones at least) and i had to get up early for that,a dn knew i had to work tonight. Then i got in an argument with my mom, and it set me off...not angry...but really hurt for reasons im still trying to understand and explain to all of you. But i was hurt..and i tried to deny it and say i was better than that. I came to the computer to write about how pissed i was and i put on music and starting to talk to jess about it and i couldnt even type..cause i realized i wasnt pissed..i was hurt...my hands were shaking and i fought as hard as i could to deny it still..which made it worse. I just ran out of my house and started driving...couldnt even speak if i wanted to. and i was still trying to figure it all out of what the hell was making me feel like that. Then, like i said, it all hit me, and i just let go. I was just trying to hide everything that has built up for years. something i was listening to...coldplay ..yeah anyways " Come on yeah, come on yeah, Everythings not lost" Like i said, call me a loser, i dont care.
After my very sad drive i stopped to get gas cause i was about to run out. And i stopped in some small lil gas station and i filled up and went in to pay. The girl looked at me and prolly noticed something was wrong cause she gave me one of those double looks, like she was reading me. And she hands me my change, and looked at me and said very sincerely, "i hope you have a good day" ... and i honestly truly appretieted it and was like " thank you...you too" Got in my car and laughed at the fact that its the simple things in life, like a girl in a gas station saying have a good day and meaning it, that makes me realize, its not so bad. I drove home the whole time just so amazed and then i started noticing everything. It was just good to know that someone i didnt even know cared enough to say something to make my day better. But like, my day has been like all over the place, and i just feel...... normal... which is good!
I could talk for hours right now about what i feel like right now. It may not be the happiest stuff to talk about, but i just dont think people do this anymore. I think we all feel empty, and i think we all want people to listen. I wont try to make you listen, but if your reading this...then well, either you think im a loser, or you understand where im at and can level with me.
I won't let you down, and i won't turn away. Cause i saw sparks. and i felt everything we all do, and i dont want to let it go.I think i will have to leave you with two more qoutes for the time being.
one for me>
"i wanna fly, and not come down
and live my life, and have friends around"
And this one feels right for all of you>
Look at the stars, Look how they shine for you
We have to get out before it explodes.
Remember when i wrote about writing at our breaking points of insanity or creativity....Well.. id say im leaning toward insanity.
There is nothing worse than breakdown. You can feel it building to that point. And you hold back and deny it for as long as you can. Trying to ignore, trying to forget. Only thing you can forget is how to breath. Thats when you know you have to let go. And it all hits you at once and you let everything flow through. A waterfall of emotions hits you... then you let go.... and it all comes out and there is release. Open up your eyes, open up your eyes.
I felt as though everything had built up inside of me for a long time. Years even. And things that i dealt with on a day to day basis never seemed that bad till today. Something about the words sparked a flame inside me. It hurt, and i realized, i havent been happy. I needed release. I was lost, and can't decide if i still am or not. Silent refection now. I just needed to see something good, see someone who could witness me, someone who could show me reality. But there was no one. i wanted to see you soooo bad. " i looked in your direction, and you paid me no attention do you? I know you dont listen to me, cause you say you see right thru me dont you?"
i didnt have anyone, and thats what i think really set everything off cause there was no where to turn.
"oh no, whats this, a spider web and im caught in the middle
so i turn to run, and thought of all the stupid things ive done
and i never meant to cause you touble
and i never meant to do you wrong
but i wonder if i ever caused you trouble
oh i never meant to do you harm."
I think i see things in other people, that are reflections of things i have seen before that hurt me. It ruins me knowing outcomes of situations before they happen cause i have seen them before. I only stress those beliefs when i see them again in my life. And i try soo so hard to change it, but its hard. " Nobody said it was easy" and i think thats what i have to realize cause i thought it was. There is so much i feel, and so much i want to express, but my actions are lost to some people. I find myself wanting to give up all the time. And thats what got me here. I ignore my own beliefs sometimes. And i always wind up here. Breakdown. You have to think everything thru so you can understand it. Its not about giving up, giving up is a way to ignore the fact that you have to accept everything for what it is and that you can't change the world. But you can never stop trying. Sometimes the best you can do is express yourself to the world and the world take that expression as it will. even if it doesnt change it, you feel better knowing its out there.
I feel like i actually woke up, and that things on some level make sense to me. I think i just numbed away everything for so long with certain things. And i think the reality of those things and what they took away is really starting to show. Call me a loser for saying they ruin you, maybe not alltogether, but they take away a part of you. And the reality of getting it all back can be alot to handle. Its like i was locked up in a room with the doors open. There was so much outside, of them but it was comforting inside as well, cause i didnt have to deal with what was outside. Thats where sleep came into play. Sleeping all the time cause i always felt tired, and always feel tired. I think it was just an easy escape from things. But the more i slept the more my dreams started making sense. There is to much truth in them now to deny them. I read back over them now and i see a reality i cant ignore.
I dont know what the general outcome is i guess. Or if today was a chance to understand myself or not. I just know it feels really good. I had my guard up for so long, and when i can sit here and admit that i just feel relieved. I can't live life like that, it doesnt make me happy. Just letting it go, letting my guard down. Maybe i am naive, maybe im ignorant. But i know what i want in life.
My day started horrible. I was hungover, i had a dentist appointment (which some of you know how much i despise dentists..well the evil ones at least) and i had to get up early for that,a dn knew i had to work tonight. Then i got in an argument with my mom, and it set me off...not angry...but really hurt for reasons im still trying to understand and explain to all of you. But i was hurt..and i tried to deny it and say i was better than that. I came to the computer to write about how pissed i was and i put on music and starting to talk to jess about it and i couldnt even type..cause i realized i wasnt pissed..i was hurt...my hands were shaking and i fought as hard as i could to deny it still..which made it worse. I just ran out of my house and started driving...couldnt even speak if i wanted to. and i was still trying to figure it all out of what the hell was making me feel like that. Then, like i said, it all hit me, and i just let go. I was just trying to hide everything that has built up for years. something i was listening to...coldplay ..yeah anyways " Come on yeah, come on yeah, Everythings not lost" Like i said, call me a loser, i dont care.
After my very sad drive i stopped to get gas cause i was about to run out. And i stopped in some small lil gas station and i filled up and went in to pay. The girl looked at me and prolly noticed something was wrong cause she gave me one of those double looks, like she was reading me. And she hands me my change, and looked at me and said very sincerely, "i hope you have a good day" ... and i honestly truly appretieted it and was like " thank you...you too" Got in my car and laughed at the fact that its the simple things in life, like a girl in a gas station saying have a good day and meaning it, that makes me realize, its not so bad. I drove home the whole time just so amazed and then i started noticing everything. It was just good to know that someone i didnt even know cared enough to say something to make my day better. But like, my day has been like all over the place, and i just feel...... normal... which is good!
I could talk for hours right now about what i feel like right now. It may not be the happiest stuff to talk about, but i just dont think people do this anymore. I think we all feel empty, and i think we all want people to listen. I wont try to make you listen, but if your reading this...then well, either you think im a loser, or you understand where im at and can level with me.
I won't let you down, and i won't turn away. Cause i saw sparks. and i felt everything we all do, and i dont want to let it go.I think i will have to leave you with two more qoutes for the time being.
one for me>
"i wanna fly, and not come down
and live my life, and have friends around"
And this one feels right for all of you>
Look at the stars, Look how they shine for you
12.10.2003
I swear to god.. the goverment plays games with my head...its one big mind fuck. Good news which always turns out to be bad. And everyday i have gained nothing. Its a daily obsession of me trying to figure out what to do, and if i made the right choice. but the thoughts all come together in an orgy, and it turns out to be one big mind fuck.
Cookies sound good...an milk. and yum, rock candy! No more thinking tonight...just awesomeness and insomniac tv!
Cookies sound good...an milk. and yum, rock candy! No more thinking tonight...just awesomeness and insomniac tv!
12.09.2003
I wish i could shine, but the glow has faded. Sometimes the light can hurt, sometimes it can blind you so you can't see clearly. Sometimes there is more light in the darkness anyways. Things are simple there. There is no confusion, just the question of what could be out there.
Can you shine your light my way? I need your light, i can't see, and there is so much i wish i could see. So many places i wish i could be. But im running blindly in the darkness, and i know i can't get there like this.
lost in the darkness, its all i know.
Can you shine your light my way? I need your light, i can't see, and there is so much i wish i could see. So many places i wish i could be. But im running blindly in the darkness, and i know i can't get there like this.
lost in the darkness, its all i know.
12.05.2003
12.03.2003
I can see how everything changes. But only from a place like this. The balance to change so everything falls into equilibrium, the tides shift to make up for the off axis tilt we have all thrown , and perfect line the world tried to walk is no more.
Whispers have grown loud, and the noise has gone quiet, but i still feel like i can't hear the cries of everything that was or is meant to be. But i know now that change is inevitable and that the tides will shift so there is balance and structure.
How does life make you feel?
"Now my head just aches,
when i think of
the things that i shouldn't have done
But life is for living, we all know
and i dont want to live it alone"
- 'Everythings Not Lost
Whispers have grown loud, and the noise has gone quiet, but i still feel like i can't hear the cries of everything that was or is meant to be. But i know now that change is inevitable and that the tides will shift so there is balance and structure.
How does life make you feel?
"Now my head just aches,
when i think of
the things that i shouldn't have done
But life is for living, we all know
and i dont want to live it alone"
- 'Everythings Not Lost
12.01.2003
I dunno... i just dont know what i should do. There is choice A, and choice B, and im just not sure which one makes sense...
I guess its all hard to explain. There are things you want to happen, things you wished happened, and things that you want to happen but can't be sure if your able to accomplish. And maybe even things you want to happen but in some aspects aren't qualified to let happen.
Like i said, i dunno, i just dont know. I wish i did though. Then of course i would go with choice A, which is what everything in me says to do, and not choice B which is what my conscience says to do. and all in all, they are both the right thing to do.
Time for bed and the endless quest for the answers!
I guess its all hard to explain. There are things you want to happen, things you wished happened, and things that you want to happen but can't be sure if your able to accomplish. And maybe even things you want to happen but in some aspects aren't qualified to let happen.
Like i said, i dunno, i just dont know. I wish i did though. Then of course i would go with choice A, which is what everything in me says to do, and not choice B which is what my conscience says to do. and all in all, they are both the right thing to do.
Time for bed and the endless quest for the answers!
11.30.2003
Alls i need to say is Tarantino is the shit. I have watched Jackie Brown twice since i bought it yesterday. I go out for the day after thanksgiving sales and i end up buying all dvds that weren't even on sale. But, you gotta buy quality shit. So i got some tarantino masterpieces. They were all proud purchases.
Hasn't been to much goin on lately. I finally took the time to just chill. Its been healthy so far....
I think people get caught up on goin out and partying to much. It seems like no one can hang out unless there is more than 4 people involved. Which sucks, cause i just like to have a decent conversation here and there. Be it between me and one other person ya know. I think its just cause some people lack that skill that makes them need a big group gathering. That way they can be passive observers to the others that are taking time to talk about something interesting. This in most cases is ok, unless you are just being stuck up about it.
What do you all think of chocolate chip cookies? I tend to believe they are awesome, and by awesome i mean they go good with milk and insomniac tv.
Last night was a great conlcusion to a long lasting argument. No good music has came out since grunge..and by grunge im talking about Pearl Jam spotlight time. If you weren't a band by 95 then its guaranteed that you suck. Sorry. Its just that back in the decades of good music they were all trying to change the world, or influence a culture, or help people understand. Bands were a way of thinking and understanding. And now........ i catagorize everyone in the
"(( fart sound)) section" All tehse new age rockers whining about their lives...you are missing the point of your music. YES, you write about your life. NO, you don't whine about it or write a song about the girl that dumped you. You write about how an incident made you feel, and writing good lyrics wont do you justice, you have to make the song have feeling so when everyone who happens to hear your music can tell that in that one guitar lick, that single note, they can feel exactly how you felt. If your songs arent that in depth to you, they arent gonna be to anyone else, and therefore, your just a bunch of kids in a band trying to be cool with your birthday or christmas presents your parents bought you cause you wanted to be in a band.
Now im not saying you all suck, or that everyone since 95 sucks... im saying, you are misguided on what music is. And i feel bad knowing that all of you have it in you to be way better. Which is the truth, if you can play, you can be better. When you have people write you letters about how your music influenced them or helped them, or made them feel good knowing someone else feels the same way about what your song was about, then congradulations you reached Awesome.
Here is a good clue to know if you fall into the "((fart sound)) section" if you arent around in 2-3 years, and people arent still listening to you when your dead, you accomplished nothing and wasted your time.
Sorry to vent, but i said i didnt like super drag and someone said the music i listen to sucks as well... and my comment was " I trashed a shitty band, and you are trashing an ENTIRE FUCKING ERA OF MUSIC!!! So, i guess we will see how awesome super drag is in 20 years and how many radio stations play them compared to what i listen too. Better yet, how about you ask how many people know super drag. Keep a tab too. I go and ask everyone if they know who pink floyd is, or Jimi hendrix. Actually...shit, i hope im not the only one who these people are..i might feel stupid trying to uphold them as better then super drag. Ah well, 20 years, i guess we will see................
By the way Rolling Stone...your top 500 greatest albums ever was rigged, i think all your editors jerk off to the beatles.
Hasn't been to much goin on lately. I finally took the time to just chill. Its been healthy so far....
I think people get caught up on goin out and partying to much. It seems like no one can hang out unless there is more than 4 people involved. Which sucks, cause i just like to have a decent conversation here and there. Be it between me and one other person ya know. I think its just cause some people lack that skill that makes them need a big group gathering. That way they can be passive observers to the others that are taking time to talk about something interesting. This in most cases is ok, unless you are just being stuck up about it.
What do you all think of chocolate chip cookies? I tend to believe they are awesome, and by awesome i mean they go good with milk and insomniac tv.
Last night was a great conlcusion to a long lasting argument. No good music has came out since grunge..and by grunge im talking about Pearl Jam spotlight time. If you weren't a band by 95 then its guaranteed that you suck. Sorry. Its just that back in the decades of good music they were all trying to change the world, or influence a culture, or help people understand. Bands were a way of thinking and understanding. And now........ i catagorize everyone in the
"(( fart sound)) section" All tehse new age rockers whining about their lives...you are missing the point of your music. YES, you write about your life. NO, you don't whine about it or write a song about the girl that dumped you. You write about how an incident made you feel, and writing good lyrics wont do you justice, you have to make the song have feeling so when everyone who happens to hear your music can tell that in that one guitar lick, that single note, they can feel exactly how you felt. If your songs arent that in depth to you, they arent gonna be to anyone else, and therefore, your just a bunch of kids in a band trying to be cool with your birthday or christmas presents your parents bought you cause you wanted to be in a band.
Now im not saying you all suck, or that everyone since 95 sucks... im saying, you are misguided on what music is. And i feel bad knowing that all of you have it in you to be way better. Which is the truth, if you can play, you can be better. When you have people write you letters about how your music influenced them or helped them, or made them feel good knowing someone else feels the same way about what your song was about, then congradulations you reached Awesome.
Here is a good clue to know if you fall into the "((fart sound)) section" if you arent around in 2-3 years, and people arent still listening to you when your dead, you accomplished nothing and wasted your time.
Sorry to vent, but i said i didnt like super drag and someone said the music i listen to sucks as well... and my comment was " I trashed a shitty band, and you are trashing an ENTIRE FUCKING ERA OF MUSIC!!! So, i guess we will see how awesome super drag is in 20 years and how many radio stations play them compared to what i listen too. Better yet, how about you ask how many people know super drag. Keep a tab too. I go and ask everyone if they know who pink floyd is, or Jimi hendrix. Actually...shit, i hope im not the only one who these people are..i might feel stupid trying to uphold them as better then super drag. Ah well, 20 years, i guess we will see................
By the way Rolling Stone...your top 500 greatest albums ever was rigged, i think all your editors jerk off to the beatles.
11.12.2003
So anyways, i slept for about 18 hours since last night. Got out of bed around 7:30 tonight. I guess there is alot on my mind i dont wanna deal with so i just slept as long as i could to ignore it.
Probably the only thing i can really concentrate on is this weird stage of my life. Its like limbo. I stuck inbetween high school and the rest of my life. Only cause some of the people that work for our goverment are a bunch of losers. And they enjoy taking their sweet god damn time on getting me into the military.
My constant dilema is the fact that i am stuck. Stuck in flushing, stuck in a shitty job, and no promise on paper that its going to change. I feel like one of those kids who graduates high school and does nothing with there life after it.
I guess the whole problem with me in flushing isnt that bad, in fact it could be far worse. I could have no plan of attack on what i was doing. But what really bothers me is the lack of good company. Its strange ya know, forgetting all your best friends, them forgetting you. But the difference between them and me is they moved on. I got left behind, which is what bothers me. Everyone moved out before me, everyone met new friends and great people and are having new experiences to fill the void they left behind. Then there is my situation, i have this huge void, but nothing to replace it with, and i just feel empty.
Emptyness is the worse thing in the world. Cause there is no real motivation behind it. You yearn for the change everyone else had, and you know its on its way....but it seems really fuckin far away so you tend to obsess on how long and far away it is, which makes it all that much worse.
Even when your friends that left want to see you and have you come visit them it just doesnt help much. Cause your going to just meet their new friends and never really know any of them on a personal level and you come home feeling just as empty.
Now this isnt a pity me exerpt, or anything of that magnitude. I need to document the dilema so i can reflect upon it. And its not anything i consider important, but rather annoying that i am stuck in the situation and i am not a "stay in one place" type person. I just want to get out, and keep going, and look back at this stage of limbo and say " I never wanna fucking be there again "
My inspiration to make something of myself, inspiration to keep going and never stop, and to realize that there is more outside of this hellhole i call.. Flushing, Michigan
>>>> by the way, i dont forget my good company that i once had. In fact, i remember them all to perfectly. the town isnt the same without them, the coffee doesnt taste as good, the nights are optionless, and the conversations go nowhere nowadays. But i idolize those memories and wouldn't change them for the world, cause there wasnt better company out there than i had here. And if any of you guys/girls read this, and i never see you again, then good luck on everything, and i shall leave you with a qoute from a very respectable cartoon super hero....
"The power is yours"
Probably the only thing i can really concentrate on is this weird stage of my life. Its like limbo. I stuck inbetween high school and the rest of my life. Only cause some of the people that work for our goverment are a bunch of losers. And they enjoy taking their sweet god damn time on getting me into the military.
My constant dilema is the fact that i am stuck. Stuck in flushing, stuck in a shitty job, and no promise on paper that its going to change. I feel like one of those kids who graduates high school and does nothing with there life after it.
I guess the whole problem with me in flushing isnt that bad, in fact it could be far worse. I could have no plan of attack on what i was doing. But what really bothers me is the lack of good company. Its strange ya know, forgetting all your best friends, them forgetting you. But the difference between them and me is they moved on. I got left behind, which is what bothers me. Everyone moved out before me, everyone met new friends and great people and are having new experiences to fill the void they left behind. Then there is my situation, i have this huge void, but nothing to replace it with, and i just feel empty.
Emptyness is the worse thing in the world. Cause there is no real motivation behind it. You yearn for the change everyone else had, and you know its on its way....but it seems really fuckin far away so you tend to obsess on how long and far away it is, which makes it all that much worse.
Even when your friends that left want to see you and have you come visit them it just doesnt help much. Cause your going to just meet their new friends and never really know any of them on a personal level and you come home feeling just as empty.
Now this isnt a pity me exerpt, or anything of that magnitude. I need to document the dilema so i can reflect upon it. And its not anything i consider important, but rather annoying that i am stuck in the situation and i am not a "stay in one place" type person. I just want to get out, and keep going, and look back at this stage of limbo and say " I never wanna fucking be there again "
My inspiration to make something of myself, inspiration to keep going and never stop, and to realize that there is more outside of this hellhole i call.. Flushing, Michigan
>>>> by the way, i dont forget my good company that i once had. In fact, i remember them all to perfectly. the town isnt the same without them, the coffee doesnt taste as good, the nights are optionless, and the conversations go nowhere nowadays. But i idolize those memories and wouldn't change them for the world, cause there wasnt better company out there than i had here. And if any of you guys/girls read this, and i never see you again, then good luck on everything, and i shall leave you with a qoute from a very respectable cartoon super hero....
"The power is yours"
11.11.2003
I want all the answers to the questions i know no one has figured out yet. by that i mean they can't even contemplate the question either. In all seriousness, there is alot i wish i knew, and wish i could understand, but its everyones misfortune in life that we will never know. But the people who ponder the impossible all have that connection. You can see it in a person when you meet them. Thats how most of us gather our friendships. We are all at different states of consciousness, and sometimes you have to be around certain people that are at your level, just so you don't feel to far out there.
Major tom to ground control?
its always nice to snap back to reality when your mind gets wondering away from itself. Sometimes i catch myself....way way out there, in some distant depth of the universe, and i could be sitting there, right next to you, but my mind is so far away. Its scary letting your mind do that sometimes. I think thats what TV was made for, keeping your head in the room staring at how ever many inches of screen you bought. All this so your mind wont think outside of the room, or the house, or the atmosphere......or beyond even what we know exists.
I just want everyone to understand, and accept, and believe....
Major tom to ground control?
its always nice to snap back to reality when your mind gets wondering away from itself. Sometimes i catch myself....way way out there, in some distant depth of the universe, and i could be sitting there, right next to you, but my mind is so far away. Its scary letting your mind do that sometimes. I think thats what TV was made for, keeping your head in the room staring at how ever many inches of screen you bought. All this so your mind wont think outside of the room, or the house, or the atmosphere......or beyond even what we know exists.
I just want everyone to understand, and accept, and believe....
11.04.2003
Concert in the bedroom....
Late night tim hortons...
black light and robotskull...
fruity loops then bed.....
The story of my night ladies and gentlemen. But hey, what did u do that is so much better huh? I yearn for the latenight snacks and freedom for self expression. Others detune themselves from life and zone to insomniac tv. Shows about crack heads and cop chases, and infomercials filled with the secret and answer to weight loss, and baldness.
Its that where you find answers? In tv? at 3 in the morning?
sickening...
f3qbq6$% ^W&NU^$U A%N%Q^QN%^YNSE%Y%Q^ @
Late night tim hortons...
black light and robotskull...
fruity loops then bed.....
The story of my night ladies and gentlemen. But hey, what did u do that is so much better huh? I yearn for the latenight snacks and freedom for self expression. Others detune themselves from life and zone to insomniac tv. Shows about crack heads and cop chases, and infomercials filled with the secret and answer to weight loss, and baldness.
Its that where you find answers? In tv? at 3 in the morning?
sickening...
f3qbq6$% ^W&NU^$U A%N%Q^QN%^YNSE%Y%Q^ @
11.02.2003
10.30.2003
%&*%#W^(&#&(@#%(* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Yeah..im pissed
But im not gonna take it out on anyone... but yeah
So anyways, everythings different now, it sucks.
You ever wonder why you can get so caught up on something you shouldn't? and when you realize how worthless it is to pursue you still try. And even when you know you gotta just forget about it you cant. Well thats how i feel. Its hopeless. So fuck it.
Halloween is gonna be a blast. CMU is where its at this year. kegs, jungle juice, and ice luge...what more can you ask for in a party? Hopefully freaky girls who like nine inch nails. But my luck it will be stupid ass sorority girls. But the ice luge will make up for it.
You know somethin...off the subject, but i really admire late night workers at 24 hour food places like tim hortons. The guy who works there is the shit. No matter how messed up i am he still takes my order with pride and is always eager to please. No matter how many times he has to tell me what kind of donuts or cookies he still has left. I think i am gonna give him a trophy or something.
Well, now that all else failed, and i have officially given up...im going to bed. it was fun while it lasted, and so sad that its gone. goodnight
Yeah..im pissed
But im not gonna take it out on anyone... but yeah
So anyways, everythings different now, it sucks.
You ever wonder why you can get so caught up on something you shouldn't? and when you realize how worthless it is to pursue you still try. And even when you know you gotta just forget about it you cant. Well thats how i feel. Its hopeless. So fuck it.
Halloween is gonna be a blast. CMU is where its at this year. kegs, jungle juice, and ice luge...what more can you ask for in a party? Hopefully freaky girls who like nine inch nails. But my luck it will be stupid ass sorority girls. But the ice luge will make up for it.
You know somethin...off the subject, but i really admire late night workers at 24 hour food places like tim hortons. The guy who works there is the shit. No matter how messed up i am he still takes my order with pride and is always eager to please. No matter how many times he has to tell me what kind of donuts or cookies he still has left. I think i am gonna give him a trophy or something.
Well, now that all else failed, and i have officially given up...im going to bed. it was fun while it lasted, and so sad that its gone. goodnight
10.29.2003
10.27.2003
Sorry to post twice in one night, but when i need to write i need to write.
It always boggles my mind when everything is just how you want it and maybe things are starting to fall into place, or into a better place, that the unexpected happens.
Sometimes the only real struggle i have is trying to read certain individuals. Some people are just really hard to judge. I think thats why some of us have problems with change. They dont wanna have to read people, and do the whole trial and error thing. It sucks though and i can see why everyone gets frustrated with it.
You spend so much time predicting a situation and you predict right up till everything is where you want it. Then a person throws something at ya that you never expected and you lose all your plans up till that point and start from ground zero and work back to where you were or move onto a new situation. Thats the other difficult part. Is sometime you want everything to come together one way and it never does, and you keep trying and trying. Its situations like that where you need to start over and move to something else. But like i said, sometimes you just keep trying cause something says you should even though it seems so god damn stupid and wrong.
On a lighter not, i get work off for a week, my brother is home from overseas, and to say in the least, im in my spot!!!
Coolest thing about coming down here was goin out on my brothers ship for two days. I went to the smoke deck at night and you could look all around in everydirection and alls i saw was water, sky and stars. Being there i realized my insignificance, but understood my importance, and was in awe of everythings simplicity.
Don't forget the simplicity everyone.....don't forget it..
It always boggles my mind when everything is just how you want it and maybe things are starting to fall into place, or into a better place, that the unexpected happens.
Sometimes the only real struggle i have is trying to read certain individuals. Some people are just really hard to judge. I think thats why some of us have problems with change. They dont wanna have to read people, and do the whole trial and error thing. It sucks though and i can see why everyone gets frustrated with it.
You spend so much time predicting a situation and you predict right up till everything is where you want it. Then a person throws something at ya that you never expected and you lose all your plans up till that point and start from ground zero and work back to where you were or move onto a new situation. Thats the other difficult part. Is sometime you want everything to come together one way and it never does, and you keep trying and trying. Its situations like that where you need to start over and move to something else. But like i said, sometimes you just keep trying cause something says you should even though it seems so god damn stupid and wrong.
On a lighter not, i get work off for a week, my brother is home from overseas, and to say in the least, im in my spot!!!
Coolest thing about coming down here was goin out on my brothers ship for two days. I went to the smoke deck at night and you could look all around in everydirection and alls i saw was water, sky and stars. Being there i realized my insignificance, but understood my importance, and was in awe of everythings simplicity.
Don't forget the simplicity everyone.....don't forget it..
10.26.2003
Well, not to much goin on lately. My first break from work in monthes and im in VA beach. Not to mention there are a bunch of jersey girls here with us. ot
I am not sure how many of you people out there believe in paranormal activity but after last night i do. They told me the house was haunted and last night i was the last one awake in the house and was watching tv when all these strange noises started up. Not normal noises either, it was weird.
Anyways, im gonna go and eat my donuts now, more to come soon.
I am not sure how many of you people out there believe in paranormal activity but after last night i do. They told me the house was haunted and last night i was the last one awake in the house and was watching tv when all these strange noises started up. Not normal noises either, it was weird.
Anyways, im gonna go and eat my donuts now, more to come soon.
10.19.2003
Thought of this earlier?
leivelvileilleivleivevilevillievililivllilvielivleivleilivelivelivelivelivelevlievlielvilevievleivlileivlievevlievilevlievlielivelili
crazy
I feel the urge to disappear for a few years. Go see the world. Only to come back and tell of the stories of the people i met and the things i saw... Hoping to prove to everyone that there is more to our lives then "This"
I think most kids in the point in there life are starting to understand its their time to add their input into the world. Most of us have left the nest, others are just about at that point. Everyone is searching for what they really wanna do. Some want to survive, some want to live, and others just want to prosper. I think i am one of the ones who wants to live. As in do everything i can in my lifetime. Not be held back. I don't want to own, i want to maintain, and provide, and create.
Random ramblings..... sorry
The key, which inspires, and immortalizes creativity....
Open.. numbed
and there....... perfect
Sways and bends , climbs to perfect...
then better. sways, to a roll.
down down down down
holding in that indescribable mood, forever moved
"Threated by shadows at night
and Exposed in the light"
Did we forget everything, or find nothing?
and then we fell.. wide eyed and sharp stares
Blinding..
"remember when we were young
we shined like the sun.."
Where do i go from here?
leivelvileilleivleivevilevillievililivllilvielivleivleilivelivelivelivelivelevlievlielvilevievleivlileivlievevlievilevlievlielivelili
crazy
I feel the urge to disappear for a few years. Go see the world. Only to come back and tell of the stories of the people i met and the things i saw... Hoping to prove to everyone that there is more to our lives then "This"
I think most kids in the point in there life are starting to understand its their time to add their input into the world. Most of us have left the nest, others are just about at that point. Everyone is searching for what they really wanna do. Some want to survive, some want to live, and others just want to prosper. I think i am one of the ones who wants to live. As in do everything i can in my lifetime. Not be held back. I don't want to own, i want to maintain, and provide, and create.
Random ramblings..... sorry
The key, which inspires, and immortalizes creativity....
Open.. numbed
and there....... perfect
Sways and bends , climbs to perfect...
then better. sways, to a roll.
down down down down
holding in that indescribable mood, forever moved
"Threated by shadows at night
and Exposed in the light"
Did we forget everything, or find nothing?
and then we fell.. wide eyed and sharp stares
Blinding..
"remember when we were young
we shined like the sun.."
Where do i go from here?
10.17.2003
Fuck the indescribable urge to do what i want. Fuck eveyone that can't sit and chill, and especially, capital FUCK anyone who watches the USA made for tv movie about the D.C. Sniper. Fucking sick fucks. Imagine what the people who lost family in that incident will think when they are channel surfing and catch a seen of some actor portraying their love one get sniped.
It's a mad mad world out there and i hope you all have the conscience arsenal needed to battle it.
I need it, i want it, i like it, i felt it, i touched it, i tasted it.
Its just the way it is, perfect blue sky, clouds out the corner of the eye,
And when it all comes down, I don't despise, cause my life is mine.
Parallel universe, and multidimensioned rooms in the center of my head,
all i hear is the "hushhh"
but i feel like the "AHHHH"
All i needed was your touch
And when i ask myself if i'd need it, if id want it, if i could feel it, and if i could touch it, or taste it again...
Its like dream, nothin is what it seems..........
It's a mad mad world out there and i hope you all have the conscience arsenal needed to battle it.
I need it, i want it, i like it, i felt it, i touched it, i tasted it.
Its just the way it is, perfect blue sky, clouds out the corner of the eye,
And when it all comes down, I don't despise, cause my life is mine.
Parallel universe, and multidimensioned rooms in the center of my head,
all i hear is the "hushhh"
but i feel like the "AHHHH"
All i needed was your touch
And when i ask myself if i'd need it, if id want it, if i could feel it, and if i could touch it, or taste it again...
Its like dream, nothin is what it seems..........
9.18.2003
9.12.2003
Here's what i have come to conclude, and maybe its re-stating an already made conclusion.
We are the maker's of our own current state of being.... now think about it and tell me im wrong. We walk through life as if our situation is the cause of some body elses misjustice to us. But who the fuck are we to blame others, or the world, or christ for the shit we are being dealt. Is it some lame half assed lazy attempt to deny our insecurities and flaws?
Fuck the people who complain about lifes uncanny way of mistreatment. And if you wanna point fingers about how everyone else causes you grief then your forgetting what the basis principles to society are. You'd definately realize that to all the lack of shit you do, your causing everyone else the grief and stress of dealing with you. Im sick of punk and emo music whining about how they hate life. I think life is more important to talk about how it fuckin is a waste of time and how the fuckin world shits on them. I look as them as people who gave up, but some how manage to make their way through life cause they are gods to all the other fuckin whiners. Every gets dealt shit in life, its the people who stop whining and keep going that get where they want to be.
And yes i agree that getting where they want to be isnt neccasarily meaning money. But guess what, if all you wanna do is relax and watch tv, they you gotta fuckin work for 45 years till you retire.... ( When you really are to fuckin weak and lazy and thats all you can do)
But till you reach that point, stop crying yourself to sleep, and hating the world and damning everyone to hell, and get up and deal with it like everyone else. Cause the more you shun it away the more and more distant your happiness will get........
>> Advice from the Doctor
>>Mood Music: CKY ' 96 Quite bitter Beings'
We are the maker's of our own current state of being.... now think about it and tell me im wrong. We walk through life as if our situation is the cause of some body elses misjustice to us. But who the fuck are we to blame others, or the world, or christ for the shit we are being dealt. Is it some lame half assed lazy attempt to deny our insecurities and flaws?
Fuck the people who complain about lifes uncanny way of mistreatment. And if you wanna point fingers about how everyone else causes you grief then your forgetting what the basis principles to society are. You'd definately realize that to all the lack of shit you do, your causing everyone else the grief and stress of dealing with you. Im sick of punk and emo music whining about how they hate life. I think life is more important to talk about how it fuckin is a waste of time and how the fuckin world shits on them. I look as them as people who gave up, but some how manage to make their way through life cause they are gods to all the other fuckin whiners. Every gets dealt shit in life, its the people who stop whining and keep going that get where they want to be.
And yes i agree that getting where they want to be isnt neccasarily meaning money. But guess what, if all you wanna do is relax and watch tv, they you gotta fuckin work for 45 years till you retire.... ( When you really are to fuckin weak and lazy and thats all you can do)
But till you reach that point, stop crying yourself to sleep, and hating the world and damning everyone to hell, and get up and deal with it like everyone else. Cause the more you shun it away the more and more distant your happiness will get........
>> Advice from the Doctor
>>Mood Music: CKY ' 96 Quite bitter Beings'
7.30.2003
7.29.2003
ive been doing some thinking.. and ive come to the conclusion that most people in this world lack the common sense and basic understanding that is needed to function and live in this society.. althought it does sicken me to know how many important people in this " society " do lack what is needed ( or should i say was needed ) to function.
what i mean by that is.. society only changes with the majority of the generations.. right now i would have to say that the elderly rule the world. basically, anyone over the ripe old age of, oh lets say.. 55.. have no real say unless their parents hold with them some key and or link of great importance in the current or just past society.
anyway.. thats what i have been thinking about as of late..
and scott.. i apologize for my absense from this great vent we call freak ship. but my life is in transition.. things change.. others things are lost or left behind.
the sad thing about me no longer having ties or childhood strongholds in the place we, as of late, called home.. Flushing... is that i will only miss a certain few... i will not bore you with details or names, because dont forget, this is flushing and people love to have reasons to spread dirt on people or exhange dialoge such as " Mike said so-and-so will be one of the few that he will truely miss. " but its true.. i will only miss a few faces and memories of the others will be kept with me til the grave. im not saying that i will charish each and every insignificant memory about people that had no real important grip on me, but more like.. i will remember them, for those are the memories that have made me the person that i am.. and will shape the person that i will be for the years to come..
maybe im just rambling..
eeYAAaRRR
Mood... just got back from seeing pirates of the carribean for the second time. Thanks Clio
Signing out..
This is Ground Control to Major Tom
Please Respond Major Tom...
what i mean by that is.. society only changes with the majority of the generations.. right now i would have to say that the elderly rule the world. basically, anyone over the ripe old age of, oh lets say.. 55.. have no real say unless their parents hold with them some key and or link of great importance in the current or just past society.
anyway.. thats what i have been thinking about as of late..
and scott.. i apologize for my absense from this great vent we call freak ship. but my life is in transition.. things change.. others things are lost or left behind.
the sad thing about me no longer having ties or childhood strongholds in the place we, as of late, called home.. Flushing... is that i will only miss a certain few... i will not bore you with details or names, because dont forget, this is flushing and people love to have reasons to spread dirt on people or exhange dialoge such as " Mike said so-and-so will be one of the few that he will truely miss. " but its true.. i will only miss a few faces and memories of the others will be kept with me til the grave. im not saying that i will charish each and every insignificant memory about people that had no real important grip on me, but more like.. i will remember them, for those are the memories that have made me the person that i am.. and will shape the person that i will be for the years to come..
maybe im just rambling..
eeYAAaRRR
Mood... just got back from seeing pirates of the carribean for the second time. Thanks Clio
Signing out..
This is Ground Control to Major Tom
Please Respond Major Tom...
7.25.2003
Damn...mike never posts anything new.. i mean c'mon mike.. Me and the Captain make it happen! Lately, minus the captain though.
Anyways, im eating cantelope right now. Yum. And im still wearing my work clothes from tonight so i smell like all sorts of food. So between the cantelope (which is very delicious i can assure you) and the smell of my clothes...im assuming i have a very hearty dinner!
It just crossed my mind that i should inform you of my day. I slept till 11am, studied some crap for my recruiters, went to work from 5-10:30, watched the part in Young guns where they trip on peyote, picked up my guitar at decaire's house, and am now where i sit, eating cantelope and writing on Freakship!
Bet that makes you wanna hang out with me eh? Anyways, back to the cantelope. It's pretty good. Ripened just enough, good texture, and sweet too. I say this is the best damn cantelope i have ever eaten! And trust me, i have eaten alot of cantelope in my day. Which reminds of the story once when i fell off my bike and got all scraped up..............
This one time i was riding my new bike that i got for christmas. It was like 25 degrees outside and i was in 3rd grade. I got one of dem new stunt bikes. More or less a BMX bike, but i called it a stunt bike back then. Maybe because i used to do crazy stunts with it which is where this story is going.....
Anyways, my old neighborhood was like one big steep hill, and at the bottom of the hill was where my house was, only my driveway went the opposite angle of the road so it went back up. Well, i was good at riding with no hands so i decided to go from the top of my neighborhood (about 5 blocks all together) all the way down to my house and up the drive way. So anyways, im going through the neighborhood and slowly gaining speed...ALOT of speed and i get to my driveway and shoot about halfway up it when i hit a huge patch of acorns since we had maple trees next to the drive way. My front tire shoots sideways to some retarded angle and i flip over the handle bars and skid up my drive way till i stoppped. Needless to say, i was very stupid and very hurt and never tried that crazy shit again.
((Sighs))
music: I Wanna Rock 'Twisted Sister'
Anyways, im eating cantelope right now. Yum. And im still wearing my work clothes from tonight so i smell like all sorts of food. So between the cantelope (which is very delicious i can assure you) and the smell of my clothes...im assuming i have a very hearty dinner!
It just crossed my mind that i should inform you of my day. I slept till 11am, studied some crap for my recruiters, went to work from 5-10:30, watched the part in Young guns where they trip on peyote, picked up my guitar at decaire's house, and am now where i sit, eating cantelope and writing on Freakship!
Bet that makes you wanna hang out with me eh? Anyways, back to the cantelope. It's pretty good. Ripened just enough, good texture, and sweet too. I say this is the best damn cantelope i have ever eaten! And trust me, i have eaten alot of cantelope in my day. Which reminds of the story once when i fell off my bike and got all scraped up..............
This one time i was riding my new bike that i got for christmas. It was like 25 degrees outside and i was in 3rd grade. I got one of dem new stunt bikes. More or less a BMX bike, but i called it a stunt bike back then. Maybe because i used to do crazy stunts with it which is where this story is going.....
Anyways, my old neighborhood was like one big steep hill, and at the bottom of the hill was where my house was, only my driveway went the opposite angle of the road so it went back up. Well, i was good at riding with no hands so i decided to go from the top of my neighborhood (about 5 blocks all together) all the way down to my house and up the drive way. So anyways, im going through the neighborhood and slowly gaining speed...ALOT of speed and i get to my driveway and shoot about halfway up it when i hit a huge patch of acorns since we had maple trees next to the drive way. My front tire shoots sideways to some retarded angle and i flip over the handle bars and skid up my drive way till i stoppped. Needless to say, i was very stupid and very hurt and never tried that crazy shit again.
((Sighs))
music: I Wanna Rock 'Twisted Sister'
7.23.2003
Ok..sorry to write to much in one night...some ppl get lazy and only read the post at the top..but be assured there is great fun underneath this post.
Anyways, i just checked my horoscope that i get emailed to me every day. I signed up for it in like 96 and the fucking website keeps sending to me. I woulda thought they wouldn't went bankrupt, or gotten bored after a million years but they still send it. Out of pity i checked it. Here's what it said>>>
"You bail someone out of a dumb mistake
by making him or her look like a hero.
Most people will recognize you as the
real mastermind. Romance gets a boost
from an unexpected source. "
Now what the hell does that mean anyways? If anyone can decipher, feel free to im me (Fultonst1)
Anyways, i just checked my horoscope that i get emailed to me every day. I signed up for it in like 96 and the fucking website keeps sending to me. I woulda thought they wouldn't went bankrupt, or gotten bored after a million years but they still send it. Out of pity i checked it. Here's what it said>>>
"You bail someone out of a dumb mistake
by making him or her look like a hero.
Most people will recognize you as the
real mastermind. Romance gets a boost
from an unexpected source. "
Now what the hell does that mean anyways? If anyone can decipher, feel free to im me (Fultonst1)
Damn... Heaven forbid that everytime i have some great masterpiece written the internet has no will to respond. Thus loosing every great word of advice i had to write!!! A new beginning, i think yes, i must write something else to fill the emptyness before me.
Blank...As i stare into oblivian. My mind raced all night after the the threats bestowed upon my life. Not threats of death, or bodily harm, but threats of war from tyranny, from a dictator far worse than the world has seen. I speak of the everlasting parental figure i call.... MY MOM!!!
I was made aware tonight that i could be spending the last few times at my house. This for the most part, doesn't really bother me. As some young waitress said at work " Oh My God, you have to find your own apartment, and pay your own bills, and be forced to grow up" I took this to heart cause its all so true. It is time to move away from the people who have taken care of me. I have accomplished everything society has told me to accomplish by this day and age. I got my driver's liscense, i got a job, im not a virgin, and i completed high school. Its time to finish growing up. Its time to get out on my own! With this all in mind i was inspired to write a song>>>
I fed the dog, and mowed the lawn
But your evil still did spawn
I washed the dishes and cleaned my room
and you still decided to deal out your doom
So mom i think its time
For me to speak my mind
Mom, I don't wear diapers anymore
Why did you cheat on dad you stupid whore
My time with you has been such a bore
its time for WAR...
My life was filled with lies
When it came to love you never tried
And even though im almost gone
you havent tried to bond
So mom i think its time
For me to speak my mind
Mom, I don't wear diapers anymore
Why did you cheat on dad you stupid whore
My time with you has been such a bore
its time for WAR...
Blank...As i stare into oblivian. My mind raced all night after the the threats bestowed upon my life. Not threats of death, or bodily harm, but threats of war from tyranny, from a dictator far worse than the world has seen. I speak of the everlasting parental figure i call.... MY MOM!!!
I was made aware tonight that i could be spending the last few times at my house. This for the most part, doesn't really bother me. As some young waitress said at work " Oh My God, you have to find your own apartment, and pay your own bills, and be forced to grow up" I took this to heart cause its all so true. It is time to move away from the people who have taken care of me. I have accomplished everything society has told me to accomplish by this day and age. I got my driver's liscense, i got a job, im not a virgin, and i completed high school. Its time to finish growing up. Its time to get out on my own! With this all in mind i was inspired to write a song>>>
I fed the dog, and mowed the lawn
But your evil still did spawn
I washed the dishes and cleaned my room
and you still decided to deal out your doom
So mom i think its time
For me to speak my mind
Mom, I don't wear diapers anymore
Why did you cheat on dad you stupid whore
My time with you has been such a bore
its time for WAR...
My life was filled with lies
When it came to love you never tried
And even though im almost gone
you havent tried to bond
So mom i think its time
For me to speak my mind
Mom, I don't wear diapers anymore
Why did you cheat on dad you stupid whore
My time with you has been such a bore
its time for WAR...
7.22.2003
!@#$!@$! you like that.....? #$%#!$%^ there, how about that? what thats not good enough? Well how bout some of this !@#!@#************************ yeah i bet you are questioning why you were talking jabba...
But it isnt gonna stop here........ !#!@#@#@#!@ i can do that all night and never get tired of it......
You bastard...... Thinking you can always get away with this. But now, some one has turned the tables and WAM!
you get a little bit of %^&(&*(^$!$$!$!%&%^*(&(IE%&*%&^%&@%^%& THAT IN YOUR FACE!
Junkopalinoheartydairymealforyourstomachthatyoucanthandlecauseyourlactoseintolerantfoooooooo!!!
But it isnt gonna stop here........ !#!@#@#@#!@ i can do that all night and never get tired of it......
You bastard...... Thinking you can always get away with this. But now, some one has turned the tables and WAM!
you get a little bit of %^&(&*(^$!$$!$!%&%^*(&(IE%&*%&^%&@%^%& THAT IN YOUR FACE!
Junkopalinoheartydairymealforyourstomachthatyoucanthandlecauseyourlactoseintolerantfoooooooo!!!
7.19.2003
all i have to say is... lol. great points dr.
i may not post as much, but it doesnt mean i dont care about the chicken sandwich in your hand. because i do. and i can prove it to you. all in due time.
im at a high point in my life at the moment.. lots of money, good friends, people i can relate to, and last but not least, almost total freedom to do whatever the fuck i please.
althought most of my life is a blur to me, i still look back and smile. ive had a fucked up family. ive had a fucked up life.. but who hasnt...
the only thing keeping me going is a brighter tomorrow and a girl. ( awww.... i dont want to hear it ) i speak the truth and if you dont understand that or would like express your confusion with dialog.. feel free to step in line to eat my ass.. cracka!
nuff..
Mood: unknown
i may not post as much, but it doesnt mean i dont care about the chicken sandwich in your hand. because i do. and i can prove it to you. all in due time.
im at a high point in my life at the moment.. lots of money, good friends, people i can relate to, and last but not least, almost total freedom to do whatever the fuck i please.
althought most of my life is a blur to me, i still look back and smile. ive had a fucked up family. ive had a fucked up life.. but who hasnt...
the only thing keeping me going is a brighter tomorrow and a girl. ( awww.... i dont want to hear it ) i speak the truth and if you dont understand that or would like express your confusion with dialog.. feel free to step in line to eat my ass.. cracka!
nuff..
Mood: unknown
7.18.2003
Well Hello There!!! Apparently if your reading this, you are on your way to enjoying what the creative individuals here at Freakship have to say, or you are checking it out for the first time. Let me explain something that some individuals have yet to understand, considering the emails and comments i have gotten.
Freakship is kind of our way to express the necessary evils within our heads. We enjoy writing what we think about to share our personality with each and every adventageous reader. Here are some things to take into account while reading.......
1) These are our thoughts, not yours, so don't try to steal them.
2) Things written are sometimes at our breaking points of insanity or creativity. Or maybe we are in a bad mood. So don't judge us upon one entry. And if you have questions or comments... Email me at (Fultonst1@aol.com) or the Captain with the contact button located at the top of the screen. Be assured, we do like to hear what you have to say.
3) Nothing is to be taken personal in this text. Yes we do get out of hand sometimes, but only because we don't hold back from the flow, we just let it come and try to write it as fast as we can. We only do this so we don't screw you guys out of what we truly want to say as human beings.
4) We are not always right, nor are we trying to make thing the same way as us. We merely enjoy writing our interpretations of life as we see it in all aspects.
5) Last but not least, keep reading, cause eventually we will write something that is mind provoking even to you!
Don't hate us because we are honest, hate us because we don't shower and smell bad, and eat all your food when we come to your house.
Mood music: "Us and Them" Pink Floyd
Freakship is kind of our way to express the necessary evils within our heads. We enjoy writing what we think about to share our personality with each and every adventageous reader. Here are some things to take into account while reading.......
1) These are our thoughts, not yours, so don't try to steal them.
2) Things written are sometimes at our breaking points of insanity or creativity. Or maybe we are in a bad mood. So don't judge us upon one entry. And if you have questions or comments... Email me at (Fultonst1@aol.com) or the Captain with the contact button located at the top of the screen. Be assured, we do like to hear what you have to say.
3) Nothing is to be taken personal in this text. Yes we do get out of hand sometimes, but only because we don't hold back from the flow, we just let it come and try to write it as fast as we can. We only do this so we don't screw you guys out of what we truly want to say as human beings.
4) We are not always right, nor are we trying to make thing the same way as us. We merely enjoy writing our interpretations of life as we see it in all aspects.
5) Last but not least, keep reading, cause eventually we will write something that is mind provoking even to you!
Don't hate us because we are honest, hate us because we don't shower and smell bad, and eat all your food when we come to your house.
Mood music: "Us and Them" Pink Floyd
I love Mountain Dew!!! Its my morning drink, and i think i am getting addicted to it. Sweet Sweet Addiction!! A love interest in carbonated water and flavored syrup.
I have arised at an early hour this morning. Early for me me is noon. I got to see the sun directly above my head this morning when i went out back to play with my dog. Normally the sun is at the evening sky's mid drift spot showing the bare part the violet and orange back drop behind the sun's last warming light of the day.
The nightlife is pure exctasy for me. I night of pure oppertunity to do what i want. And rest assured i love my day as much as night. But the nightlife just has more to offer most of the time. Yeah there is always something to do during the day, but it seems as though everything you do during the day has the ultimate purpose of prepping for the night. The night is where you reflect on how busy your day was and sit down to relax, and talk to friends who have gathered at the nearest empty house. So i say screw the day sometimes. Sleep all day so you can enjoy the prime relaxation time.
I just noticed something that makes me angry. The simplest most restarded thing in the world. The Buddy info on AIM. What the hell, ppl put such pointless shit in there. Write something that has purpose, some sort of adive and wisdom you hold that you can share with the world. Not pointless crap like > Favorite song: I have nothing creative to write in here< or > I love my girlfriend< yes these maybe sweet to yourself or to your girlfriend..but what about all the other individuals who look at your info to see some wisdom so they can better understand who you are.
All im saying is please, please, and im begging you! Write something worth reading, because im really pissed that i got up this early and all i can do to waste time is read shit in profiles like some qoute from Blink182, or everyone putting in there profile that they love their girlfriend (by the way very un-original and not sweet since EVERYONE DOES IT) and last but not least....the fucking stupid hyperlinks to a page that shows who looked at your website. God almighty i hope you people are proud of that cause no one else is...everyone clicks it and gets to that page and then damns whoever put it in their profile to hell. Not only cause we dont care who reads your profile, but you turn out to waste the5 seconds that we wont get back now.
SO PLEASE DONT BE SO UNORIGINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <<
I have arised at an early hour this morning. Early for me me is noon. I got to see the sun directly above my head this morning when i went out back to play with my dog. Normally the sun is at the evening sky's mid drift spot showing the bare part the violet and orange back drop behind the sun's last warming light of the day.
The nightlife is pure exctasy for me. I night of pure oppertunity to do what i want. And rest assured i love my day as much as night. But the nightlife just has more to offer most of the time. Yeah there is always something to do during the day, but it seems as though everything you do during the day has the ultimate purpose of prepping for the night. The night is where you reflect on how busy your day was and sit down to relax, and talk to friends who have gathered at the nearest empty house. So i say screw the day sometimes. Sleep all day so you can enjoy the prime relaxation time.
I just noticed something that makes me angry. The simplest most restarded thing in the world. The Buddy info on AIM. What the hell, ppl put such pointless shit in there. Write something that has purpose, some sort of adive and wisdom you hold that you can share with the world. Not pointless crap like > Favorite song: I have nothing creative to write in here< or > I love my girlfriend< yes these maybe sweet to yourself or to your girlfriend..but what about all the other individuals who look at your info to see some wisdom so they can better understand who you are.
All im saying is please, please, and im begging you! Write something worth reading, because im really pissed that i got up this early and all i can do to waste time is read shit in profiles like some qoute from Blink182, or everyone putting in there profile that they love their girlfriend (by the way very un-original and not sweet since EVERYONE DOES IT) and last but not least....the fucking stupid hyperlinks to a page that shows who looked at your website. God almighty i hope you people are proud of that cause no one else is...everyone clicks it and gets to that page and then damns whoever put it in their profile to hell. Not only cause we dont care who reads your profile, but you turn out to waste the5 seconds that we wont get back now.
SO PLEASE DONT BE SO UNORIGINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <<
7.17.2003
ok...I just woke up, its about 4pm. But really i just wanna jot down my dream i had. It will make no sense to you cause its just in pieces.
Vacationing with some friends guys i know and some girls i dont know. the only girl i knew was Nida
(knee-duh) She's a re-occurring dream character lately.
We are at some hotel and we all interact with eachother in the city, and the hotel rooms before we would go to bed each night. The town seemed to resemble vegas, minus the gambling.
I remember there being another place we visited with the whole group for a few nights. It was almost like some big house on a huge lake. We had a boat to use. Like a big huge as boat we had a prom. Boat got messed up so we had a little raft we were messing around on. Got popped and me and few ppl had to swim through some swamp like area. Weird thing is i can remember in detail like how it smelled, and i put on goggles and went under and can remember what i saw.
Anyways, vacation is coming to an end, and i know i will never see these girls again. I realized i havent even really made an attempt to talk to them this whole time. even though i wanted to. So i see Nida and this other girl downstairs on a couch and rush down there to talk. I sit there and realize they are kinda fondling eachothers bodies and just kinda moaning. And honestly this isnt a perveted thing, its not like some sick porno shit. Its like two girls knowing how to please the other. It was almost an art form of some sort. And you know they slowly stripped down in front of me, and moving closer. Never asked me to join but the invitation was there with no words. So there was a quote at this point, some sort of wisdom never said or thought...just there in the dream... "The pure essence of sex, cannot be controlled"
Now dont think this is some perverted mess. Cause its not. Its just some symbol in a dream. the dream was alot more than the two girls at the end, its just that was the last thing that happened before i woke up, so its harder to go back and review other parts for what they meant. Everyone has dreams every night that go ignored. I have been trying to decipher mine lately. Only cause the times that i do this i always understand my life a bit more.
I enjoy my sleep cause my dreams are getting much more detailed. Im starting to get more and more of a sense when im in a dream, but i always seem to wake up when i do. Definately more dream shit to come.
Feel free to email comments about Dr. Gonzo's posts anytime at: (Fultonst1@aol.com)
Vacationing with some friends guys i know and some girls i dont know. the only girl i knew was Nida
(knee-duh) She's a re-occurring dream character lately.
We are at some hotel and we all interact with eachother in the city, and the hotel rooms before we would go to bed each night. The town seemed to resemble vegas, minus the gambling.
I remember there being another place we visited with the whole group for a few nights. It was almost like some big house on a huge lake. We had a boat to use. Like a big huge as boat we had a prom. Boat got messed up so we had a little raft we were messing around on. Got popped and me and few ppl had to swim through some swamp like area. Weird thing is i can remember in detail like how it smelled, and i put on goggles and went under and can remember what i saw.
Anyways, vacation is coming to an end, and i know i will never see these girls again. I realized i havent even really made an attempt to talk to them this whole time. even though i wanted to. So i see Nida and this other girl downstairs on a couch and rush down there to talk. I sit there and realize they are kinda fondling eachothers bodies and just kinda moaning. And honestly this isnt a perveted thing, its not like some sick porno shit. Its like two girls knowing how to please the other. It was almost an art form of some sort. And you know they slowly stripped down in front of me, and moving closer. Never asked me to join but the invitation was there with no words. So there was a quote at this point, some sort of wisdom never said or thought...just there in the dream... "The pure essence of sex, cannot be controlled"
Now dont think this is some perverted mess. Cause its not. Its just some symbol in a dream. the dream was alot more than the two girls at the end, its just that was the last thing that happened before i woke up, so its harder to go back and review other parts for what they meant. Everyone has dreams every night that go ignored. I have been trying to decipher mine lately. Only cause the times that i do this i always understand my life a bit more.
I enjoy my sleep cause my dreams are getting much more detailed. Im starting to get more and more of a sense when im in a dream, but i always seem to wake up when i do. Definately more dream shit to come.
Feel free to email comments about Dr. Gonzo's posts anytime at: (Fultonst1@aol.com)
7.16.2003
Well,
It has been awhile since my last confession.....
My summer has been a blur of sleeping threw the majority of the day and partying till the sun comes up, sometimes just hanging out till the sun comes up. It seems as though i have already began to lose touch with so many individuals who were my comorades during the last 6 or seven years of school. At the time of our last gathering in the hell hole we all once visited 6 hours a day i felt as though the transition of our lives into the future would be a bad thing. As of now the feelings have been numbed away with my own goals and satisfaction i take being alone.
Taking the last couple monthes to myself has been my time of rehabilitation and re-visitation to who i actually was. The true essence of my individuality was taken away by the standards and expectations of the small cultish society of flushing senior high. The only thing i gained was the sense of losing life's true purpose which is the freedom to do what we choose.
Now that i know from here on out the places i visit and the people i meet and the torturing of my spirits will be self enflicted. Thats what gives me the integrity to wake up, knowing that im in control, and the day is mine to choose. I say fuck the expectations of your peers and your elders, you are only what you create, and if you aren't the one sculping your individuality then your gonna be another pin prick in the voodoo doll named society that the goverment likes to play with. Living a dull and boring life doing infomercials at 3am, pretending that some one actually gives a shit about you or what your trying to sell.
Unfortunately, i realized the other night when this was all in persepective that i know the guys and girls who will be the ones doing these infomercials. These are the kids who always wanted to fit in, the ones who strived so hard to impress people they aren't gonna see ever again. They never understood that they only need to do is impress themselves, and thats the truth. There are leaders, and there are followers. If you don't know which one you are, it prolly means your a follower.
Don't live your life thinking about what you once had, or lost. Consider what you do have and be thankful for it.
I heard a great explanation of the wizard of oz once. Everyone remembers the famous line from the movie "There's no place like home", but yet if you think about the movie it is almost a contradiction to the story. At home its black and white, and some lady is trying to kill your dog, But oz was this great technocolor dream world full of surprises. You made great friends along the way with people you never even met................. So don't be afraid of living your life how you want to, don't hold back cause your leaving everything you once knew. Be true to yourself, and then let your life fall into place.
I think i have rambled on enough for now. To much wisdom at one time might overwhelm your pea shaped brains. I wouldnt want that pea to crumble under the pressure so i'll leave with something very simple that will impress any young adult who hasn't used their brain all summer like myself.>>>>
You can put a pool ball in your mouth, but you can't get it back out.
Mood music: 'Coldplay' "Everythings Not Lost"
It has been awhile since my last confession.....
My summer has been a blur of sleeping threw the majority of the day and partying till the sun comes up, sometimes just hanging out till the sun comes up. It seems as though i have already began to lose touch with so many individuals who were my comorades during the last 6 or seven years of school. At the time of our last gathering in the hell hole we all once visited 6 hours a day i felt as though the transition of our lives into the future would be a bad thing. As of now the feelings have been numbed away with my own goals and satisfaction i take being alone.
Taking the last couple monthes to myself has been my time of rehabilitation and re-visitation to who i actually was. The true essence of my individuality was taken away by the standards and expectations of the small cultish society of flushing senior high. The only thing i gained was the sense of losing life's true purpose which is the freedom to do what we choose.
Now that i know from here on out the places i visit and the people i meet and the torturing of my spirits will be self enflicted. Thats what gives me the integrity to wake up, knowing that im in control, and the day is mine to choose. I say fuck the expectations of your peers and your elders, you are only what you create, and if you aren't the one sculping your individuality then your gonna be another pin prick in the voodoo doll named society that the goverment likes to play with. Living a dull and boring life doing infomercials at 3am, pretending that some one actually gives a shit about you or what your trying to sell.
Unfortunately, i realized the other night when this was all in persepective that i know the guys and girls who will be the ones doing these infomercials. These are the kids who always wanted to fit in, the ones who strived so hard to impress people they aren't gonna see ever again. They never understood that they only need to do is impress themselves, and thats the truth. There are leaders, and there are followers. If you don't know which one you are, it prolly means your a follower.
Don't live your life thinking about what you once had, or lost. Consider what you do have and be thankful for it.
I heard a great explanation of the wizard of oz once. Everyone remembers the famous line from the movie "There's no place like home", but yet if you think about the movie it is almost a contradiction to the story. At home its black and white, and some lady is trying to kill your dog, But oz was this great technocolor dream world full of surprises. You made great friends along the way with people you never even met................. So don't be afraid of living your life how you want to, don't hold back cause your leaving everything you once knew. Be true to yourself, and then let your life fall into place.
I think i have rambled on enough for now. To much wisdom at one time might overwhelm your pea shaped brains. I wouldnt want that pea to crumble under the pressure so i'll leave with something very simple that will impress any young adult who hasn't used their brain all summer like myself.>>>>
You can put a pool ball in your mouth, but you can't get it back out.
Mood music: 'Coldplay' "Everythings Not Lost"
6.16.2003
6.07.2003
Clarity. What a great tool in successful relationships.
clarity
\Clar"i*ty\ n : free from obscurity and easy to understand; the comprehensibility of clear expression
Keep things simple and fun. If things are complicated, it is in the best interests of the two people to be very clear.
To most people this is a no brainer. But to those in relationships, some things are lost and others are looked over.
Refering to "her/him" makes this discussion more general.
Random Thought: I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings
Good Book.... i hear :)
Edited 3.27.05
clarity
\Clar"i*ty\ n : free from obscurity and easy to understand; the comprehensibility of clear expression
Keep things simple and fun. If things are complicated, it is in the best interests of the two people to be very clear.
To most people this is a no brainer. But to those in relationships, some things are lost and others are looked over.
Refering to "her/him" makes this discussion more general.
Random Thought: I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings
Good Book.... i hear :)
Edited 3.27.05
6.04.2003
Damn, a blink of an eye and the last 18 years go by. I can't decide where or what i wanna be. I just know that i am myself, and at a temporary standstill in my life. Relaxation and a whole lot of it!
I am eager to see whats next. To see if what i dream about my life becoming happens. But i know my place, and hope to find myself where i want to be the next time i blink. That place doesnt necessarily involve money, or wealth, but it does involve happiness, and peace of mind, and that i make a mark in the world and know i didnt waste my time here.
Keep your spirits high for what tomorrow brings. nigga
I am eager to see whats next. To see if what i dream about my life becoming happens. But i know my place, and hope to find myself where i want to be the next time i blink. That place doesnt necessarily involve money, or wealth, but it does involve happiness, and peace of mind, and that i make a mark in the world and know i didnt waste my time here.
Keep your spirits high for what tomorrow brings. nigga
5.27.2003
i no longer feel the need to achieve things that others expect of me. from here on out, i am what i am. i wont change for anyone but me. i wont strive to reach my goals unless i want to. bottom line.
im sick of people acting one way to someone then totally changing everything they feel is right or believe in to "impress" another. it makes no sense to me. if someone cant accept you for who you are, then you should have no room for them in your life.
emotions are just electrical impulses understood in you brain. if you let someone make you mad, guess what, they now have more control over you then you do. if someone makes you happy, its not them making you happy, its you making yourself happy...
any of this making sense?
if it doesnt, then im sorry but maybe you should do some deep thinking..
thats all i can pull out of my head for one day.
more to come.. soon.. i hope.
Audioslave - What You Are
im sick of people acting one way to someone then totally changing everything they feel is right or believe in to "impress" another. it makes no sense to me. if someone cant accept you for who you are, then you should have no room for them in your life.
emotions are just electrical impulses understood in you brain. if you let someone make you mad, guess what, they now have more control over you then you do. if someone makes you happy, its not them making you happy, its you making yourself happy...
any of this making sense?
if it doesnt, then im sorry but maybe you should do some deep thinking..
thats all i can pull out of my head for one day.
more to come.. soon.. i hope.
Audioslave - What You Are
5.11.2003
5.05.2003
Random Ramblings on my scribbly bibblies. I just dont understand life. Is it wrong to feel like nothing we dont self create is worth our time? I think about school, and so many other things. They are just things other people throw into my life and tell me i have to do so i can make it thru my life. Part of me says i should care about my hw and research paper and my grades....but then i realize i never fuckin decided this research paper would helo me out in life, im not a fuckin scientist, so why the hell should i fuckin care! It makes me more happy to sit here and drink my pink lemonade and eat popcorn and chips then to get a good grade on this paper or more or less turn it in. Cause this paper has already taken 3 hours of my life away from me. Do people understand this concept? or is it just me. I dont feel bad, or like im a lazy kid, just that im living my life how i wanna live it, and if living my life doesnt involve a fuckin research paper then im not gonna do it. Thats the simplest part of my life at the time. So many other things goin on and stuff i can't even truly explain to myself or to others. I just know it feels like there is battle in my head of what i should do and what i shouldnt do and im just not sure.
Does a person truly ever know what makes them happy? Is happiness just ignoring the truth which is that your not happy. Do other people make you happy, or do you make yourself happy. Is happiness just supposed to happen? Thats thing i dont understand. Like you can make yourself happy, but is it just cause your ignoring the bad stuff. Or is because you just are happy. Like my current situation makes me angry, like extremely angry, depressed, sometimes sad. So i think, how do i solve it, i cant change the past so does dealing with the situation mean i should just block it out and ignore it? Cause i know no one can tell me it isnt a bad situation cause it is. And no one can just pull happiness out of their pocket and hand it to me so i think about how i am supposed to get happy again. I say, my mind is good enough to block it out and ignore it, but then it just means that i never solved it. Im not trying to say i have a problem to deal with, im saying i dont understand feelings, cause its just something you can control.....so how do people say they are happy? Its just cause they made themselves happy. And when people are mad they just make themselves mad...so its never really true when someone says "That person makes me angry" This whole idea just boggles my mind to where i have to laugh cause now i feel like nothing matters ya know? Im controlling it all........... so where does life go from there?????
Music: "In My Place" by Coldplay
Does a person truly ever know what makes them happy? Is happiness just ignoring the truth which is that your not happy. Do other people make you happy, or do you make yourself happy. Is happiness just supposed to happen? Thats thing i dont understand. Like you can make yourself happy, but is it just cause your ignoring the bad stuff. Or is because you just are happy. Like my current situation makes me angry, like extremely angry, depressed, sometimes sad. So i think, how do i solve it, i cant change the past so does dealing with the situation mean i should just block it out and ignore it? Cause i know no one can tell me it isnt a bad situation cause it is. And no one can just pull happiness out of their pocket and hand it to me so i think about how i am supposed to get happy again. I say, my mind is good enough to block it out and ignore it, but then it just means that i never solved it. Im not trying to say i have a problem to deal with, im saying i dont understand feelings, cause its just something you can control.....so how do people say they are happy? Its just cause they made themselves happy. And when people are mad they just make themselves mad...so its never really true when someone says "That person makes me angry" This whole idea just boggles my mind to where i have to laugh cause now i feel like nothing matters ya know? Im controlling it all........... so where does life go from there?????
Music: "In My Place" by Coldplay
5.04.2003
4.18.2003
4.11.2003
Simplicity.... Thats what we all should live for. Not this mixed up world where chains bind us to the prison in which we built for ourselves. Thinking of what is now, and what is to come is all i do. There is nothing in the past that binds me from pursuing my current state or my future.
Inner thoughts of happiness, overcome with curiousity for tomorrow. My peace of mind is in myself, alone. I find my dreams are my exploration into my unconscious which i have brought out every night, and am eager to go to bed each and every time to see what my mind will unfold with its complexity. Theories to who we are, and why we are what we are.
We have created our world around us, despite the fact we feel like we are stuck here and are conforming to what surrounds us. Our mind find some way to be comfortable with man's creations. Our cd players, cars, tv's, computers. These things we create around ourselves to live and function. Each and everyone of us creates a space (our rooms normally) filled with these things. The space in which we fill with our creations is what makes us who we are. We make no
connection to them
, just pass them by like it is how we are supposed to live. We have seperate rooms in our houses...but why? Because we can only function certain ways in certain places. A bedroom to escape the choas of the house...when we want to interact with others we go to the ............. living ......... room. But .................who ............ ever decided we needed seperate rooms. Have you ever thought about why we had those seperate rooms. Its just something each person has imbedded in their minds.
Now think about this. Our every day world, is a prison in which we bound ourselves to. Our house is like an individual cell and the world is just a huge prison. We have told ourselves which areas we are welcome to, which places we can drive on, when we are allowed out in the world, and when we have to stay in our cell. When was the last time you filled a backpack full of the bare neccessities and just started walking. When you got tired you built a fire, and slept. ) You ( do this till you find your ultimate spot. This spot is where you create your house which you build from logs and whatnot. The answer is never. We are bound to the rules we made for ourselves. In fact we even have to have regulations on the house we build to meet the standards of people we will never see or meet or interact with.
Now there are also questions and things i have heard about, and now think about. Like what if our whole existance is a set path. Not because of god, not because of some other forces...but just particles that are reacting to eachother. Every movement is just because some particle hit another and made the random assortment. The more reactions that happen, the more defined things come. Did we end up where we re sitting right now because we chose too, or because some random events in microscopic particles moved us here. our hands moving causes particles to move around, moving a piece of dust that lands on top of a desk which we will eventually dust. Every thing we have done is just a reaction to something that happened before. So how are we so sure we are really choosing what we do???? Now think about this. You tell yourself you are hungary..but are you really choosing when your hungary? Or is your brain just doing this without your control. And when you question if you are in control of your life...you have to think that its just your brain telling you to question it... ... . ..... telling me to type it...telling me to move my fingers...so when i try to defy it...its the same result...my brain is just saying to defy it and to move my fingers and explain this to you as im doin. So now you ...or at least i feel as if i have no control of anything i do..which is weird. And why do we try to think that we...or i am a >>>> seperate being <<< then my brain? Which makes you >> <<< really >>> wonder what the hell makes you, you....
No this is the point where insomnia kicks in. Which is where i find myself quite often when these questions come to mind. And there is an ongoing search to find out the asnwers, but it seems impossible. I think this is where religion comes in... Its a easy way for us to forget about the impossible questions and just say "well there is a higher being that has the answers, and he..or they will expplain it to us when we die. But think about this..and dont be a ignorant christian, or whatever religion you are and say "Well the higher being has always been there since the beginning, and will always be there...he just is, and will always be" ....Honestly, if you believe that then your just closed minded. Im not denying that there is a higher being or that a higher being has the answers...i question where this higher being came from, and how he was created. How are we to know we are not the first, and that we are the beginning? Not that i believe that we are the beginning. We are just here by some reason which im sure will never be explained or understood in my lifetime.
These kind of questions are what brings me back to our prisons. Its impossible for us to understand infinate space..neverending space...and its also impossible to imagine nothing..and if there was nothing. And unconsciously we protect ourselves from having to think about these questions. Which is why we build our houses... they are an enclosed space, not to big to think outside off, and not to small to feel like there is nothing. We just have a sense of limits which assures us of beginning and end. This simple structure is easy for us to live with..Cause we can think outside of it , and inside. Another reason why we dont undertand our heads. How can such a small place hold so much information??? Its almost impossible to understand how are brain works.. How do some miniature cells create memories and store them for so long? Its just little particles and how many does it take to hold a memory?
Theres so much out there to learn and undertsand and yet we close ourselves off from it. One thing in life i will never understand. Instead all we do is create things to distract our mind from all this..thats why the only time you think of ?questions? like this is when you are alone..doing nothing................................
this prison
Inner thoughts of happiness, overcome with curiousity for tomorrow. My peace of mind is in myself, alone. I find my dreams are my exploration into my unconscious which i have brought out every night, and am eager to go to bed each and every time to see what my mind will unfold with its complexity. Theories to who we are, and why we are what we are.
We have created our world around us, despite the fact we feel like we are stuck here and are conforming to what surrounds us. Our mind find some way to be comfortable with man's creations. Our cd players, cars, tv's, computers. These things we create around ourselves to live and function. Each and everyone of us creates a space (our rooms normally) filled with these things. The space in which we fill with our creations is what makes us who we are. We make no
connection to them
, just pass them by like it is how we are supposed to live. We have seperate rooms in our houses...but why? Because we can only function certain ways in certain places. A bedroom to escape the choas of the house...when we want to interact with others we go to the ............. living ......... room. But .................who ............ ever decided we needed seperate rooms. Have you ever thought about why we had those seperate rooms. Its just something each person has imbedded in their minds.
Now think about this. Our every day world, is a prison in which we bound ourselves to. Our house is like an individual cell and the world is just a huge prison. We have told ourselves which areas we are welcome to, which places we can drive on, when we are allowed out in the world, and when we have to stay in our cell. When was the last time you filled a backpack full of the bare neccessities and just started walking. When you got tired you built a fire, and slept. ) You ( do this till you find your ultimate spot. This spot is where you create your house which you build from logs and whatnot. The answer is never. We are bound to the rules we made for ourselves. In fact we even have to have regulations on the house we build to meet the standards of people we will never see or meet or interact with.
Now there are also questions and things i have heard about, and now think about. Like what if our whole existance is a set path. Not because of god, not because of some other forces...but just particles that are reacting to eachother. Every movement is just because some particle hit another and made the random assortment. The more reactions that happen, the more defined things come. Did we end up where we re sitting right now because we chose too, or because some random events in microscopic particles moved us here. our hands moving causes particles to move around, moving a piece of dust that lands on top of a desk which we will eventually dust. Every thing we have done is just a reaction to something that happened before. So how are we so sure we are really choosing what we do???? Now think about this. You tell yourself you are hungary..but are you really choosing when your hungary? Or is your brain just doing this without your control. And when you question if you are in control of your life...you have to think that its just your brain telling you to question it... ... . ..... telling me to type it...telling me to move my fingers...so when i try to defy it...its the same result...my brain is just saying to defy it and to move my fingers and explain this to you as im doin. So now you ...or at least i feel as if i have no control of anything i do..which is weird. And why do we try to think that we...or i am a >>>> seperate being <<< then my brain? Which makes you >> <<< really >>> wonder what the hell makes you, you....
No this is the point where insomnia kicks in. Which is where i find myself quite often when these questions come to mind. And there is an ongoing search to find out the asnwers, but it seems impossible. I think this is where religion comes in... Its a easy way for us to forget about the impossible questions and just say "well there is a higher being that has the answers, and he..or they will expplain it to us when we die. But think about this..and dont be a ignorant christian, or whatever religion you are and say "Well the higher being has always been there since the beginning, and will always be there...he just is, and will always be" ....Honestly, if you believe that then your just closed minded. Im not denying that there is a higher being or that a higher being has the answers...i question where this higher being came from, and how he was created. How are we to know we are not the first, and that we are the beginning? Not that i believe that we are the beginning. We are just here by some reason which im sure will never be explained or understood in my lifetime.
These kind of questions are what brings me back to our prisons. Its impossible for us to understand infinate space..neverending space...and its also impossible to imagine nothing..and if there was nothing. And unconsciously we protect ourselves from having to think about these questions. Which is why we build our houses... they are an enclosed space, not to big to think outside off, and not to small to feel like there is nothing. We just have a sense of limits which assures us of beginning and end. This simple structure is easy for us to live with..Cause we can think outside of it , and inside. Another reason why we dont undertand our heads. How can such a small place hold so much information??? Its almost impossible to understand how are brain works.. How do some miniature cells create memories and store them for so long? Its just little particles and how many does it take to hold a memory?
Theres so much out there to learn and undertsand and yet we close ourselves off from it. One thing in life i will never understand. Instead all we do is create things to distract our mind from all this..thats why the only time you think of ?questions? like this is when you are alone..doing nothing................................
this prison
4.10.2003
4.08.2003
Flint was extra special this morning. I had to go down there at 7:30 this morning to take care of some personal things involving black women. Talk about an adventure. I was attacked by two bums, three crack whores, and a dog with only three legs. Well, not really, but if you would want that to happen to someone like yourself, Flint is the place. That would be nothing compared to the horrors I saw last time I was in the great city of Flint. When I was pulling onto Saginaw Street from this other crazy road, a very crazy-ass old lady walked out infront oh my car. That's not the bad part. The worst of it all was she was pointing at me and talking to herself. And I know this because as she continued to walk across the road, she kept talking to herself. Ok, now to describe her. She was, I would say mid 50's, stalky, long grey hair which was very greasy and matted down, a dark-grey outfit that suited her nicely, and holes in the cloth that added the extra touch of perfection.
Anyway, my day has gone by fairly slowly. But I am not complaining just quite yet.
I didn't get much sleep.
I have had a headache all day.
I had to talk to a probation officer.
I had to drive to Flint.
I missed 4 hours of school. ( two of which was not by choice )
aND mY vAGINA iS sTILL bLEEDING!
jk yall
Random Thought: Pie is only good if you want it to be. Take this into consideration when playing darts. It might just save a life.
Anyway, my day has gone by fairly slowly. But I am not complaining just quite yet.
I didn't get much sleep.
I have had a headache all day.
I had to talk to a probation officer.
I had to drive to Flint.
I missed 4 hours of school. ( two of which was not by choice )
aND mY vAGINA iS sTILL bLEEDING!
jk yall
Random Thought: Pie is only good if you want it to be. Take this into consideration when playing darts. It might just save a life.
4.07.2003
What is an open mind? A mind which welcomes new ideas. A mind which invites new ideas in for a visit. A mind which introduces new ideas to the company which has already arrived. A mind which is most comfortable in mixed company. A mind which prizes silence and reflection. A mind which recognizes that later is often better than sooner. An open mind is somewhat like silly putty. Do you remember thatwonderful ball of clay-like substance that you could bounce, roll and applyto comics as a child?
An open mind is playful and willing to be silly because the best ideas often hide deep within our minds away from our watchful, judgmental selves. Although our personalities contain the conflicting voices of both a clownand a critic, the critic usually prevails in our culture. The critic's voice keeps warning us not to appear foolish in front of our peers, not to offer up any outrageous ideas, and yet that is precisely how we end up with the most inventive and imaginative solutions to problems. We need to learn how to lock up the critic at times so the clown can play without restraint. We must prevent our internal critic from blocking our own thinking or attacking the ideas of others.
An open mind can bounce around in what might often seem like a haphazard fashion. When building something new, we must be willing to entertain unusual combinations and connections. The human mind, at its best, is especially powerful in jumping intuitively to discover unusual relationships and possibilities. An open mind quickly picks up the good ideas of other people, much like silly putty copying the image from a page of colored comics. The open mind is always hungry, looking for some new thoughts to add to its collection. The open mind knows that its own thinking is almost always incomplete. An open mind takes pride in learning from others. It would rather listen than speak. It loves to ask questions like, "How did you come up with that idea? Can you tell me more about your thinking? How did you know that? What areyour premises? What evidence did you find?"
The open mind has "in-sight" - evaluating the quality of its own thinking to see gaps which might be filled. The open mind trains the clown and the critic to cooperate so that judgment and critique alternate with playful idea generation. Ideas have at least three major aspects which can usually be modified and improved:
1. Ideas are based upon premises of one kind or another. Many people come to their ideas (judgments or conclusions) without ever explicitly examining the premises which lie underneath those conclusions. Premises are basic beliefs which act for an idea as the foundation of a building or the roots of a tree. Collections of premises are often called assumptions or mind-sets (Drucker, 1992) or paradigms (Barker, 1992) or mental models (Senge, 1991). Sometimes our thinking comes to us already packaged without our even knowing which premises and assumptions lie below the surface, butan open mind knows that all such premises must be re-examined with some frequency to see if they are serving us well and truly match our basic belief systems.
2. Ideas are based upon evidence. Many of our ideas emerge from experience. We collect data, look for patterns and seek laws to help uspredict the future. Unfortunately, we all too often collect evidence electively. Once people begin to hold an idea, research has shown that they begin to screen out data which might create dissonance, evidence which might "call into question" the value of the idea. An open mind looks at thequality of its evidence with the same dispassionate attitude it applies to its premises and assumptions. Mindful of the three little pigs which built houses of straw, twigs and brick, the open mind seeks bricks and mortar which can withstand the huffing and puffing of the most aggressive wolf.
The open mind asks, "What evidence do I need to gather? Do I know enough? Has anything changed since I last gathered evidence? Is there new data? Is my data complete?"
3. Ideas are based upon logic. Our conclusions and ideasshould flow from logical connections between our premises and our evidence. The open mind keeps asking of its ideas, "Is this logical? Does this makesense? Does this follow from the evidence I gathered? Have I identifiedall the key factors?
Random Advice: Keep all this in mind. An open mind is a key to understanding the world.....
An open mind is playful and willing to be silly because the best ideas often hide deep within our minds away from our watchful, judgmental selves. Although our personalities contain the conflicting voices of both a clownand a critic, the critic usually prevails in our culture. The critic's voice keeps warning us not to appear foolish in front of our peers, not to offer up any outrageous ideas, and yet that is precisely how we end up with the most inventive and imaginative solutions to problems. We need to learn how to lock up the critic at times so the clown can play without restraint. We must prevent our internal critic from blocking our own thinking or attacking the ideas of others.
An open mind can bounce around in what might often seem like a haphazard fashion. When building something new, we must be willing to entertain unusual combinations and connections. The human mind, at its best, is especially powerful in jumping intuitively to discover unusual relationships and possibilities. An open mind quickly picks up the good ideas of other people, much like silly putty copying the image from a page of colored comics. The open mind is always hungry, looking for some new thoughts to add to its collection. The open mind knows that its own thinking is almost always incomplete. An open mind takes pride in learning from others. It would rather listen than speak. It loves to ask questions like, "How did you come up with that idea? Can you tell me more about your thinking? How did you know that? What areyour premises? What evidence did you find?"
The open mind has "in-sight" - evaluating the quality of its own thinking to see gaps which might be filled. The open mind trains the clown and the critic to cooperate so that judgment and critique alternate with playful idea generation. Ideas have at least three major aspects which can usually be modified and improved:
1. Ideas are based upon premises of one kind or another. Many people come to their ideas (judgments or conclusions) without ever explicitly examining the premises which lie underneath those conclusions. Premises are basic beliefs which act for an idea as the foundation of a building or the roots of a tree. Collections of premises are often called assumptions or mind-sets (Drucker, 1992) or paradigms (Barker, 1992) or mental models (Senge, 1991). Sometimes our thinking comes to us already packaged without our even knowing which premises and assumptions lie below the surface, butan open mind knows that all such premises must be re-examined with some frequency to see if they are serving us well and truly match our basic belief systems.
2. Ideas are based upon evidence. Many of our ideas emerge from experience. We collect data, look for patterns and seek laws to help uspredict the future. Unfortunately, we all too often collect evidence electively. Once people begin to hold an idea, research has shown that they begin to screen out data which might create dissonance, evidence which might "call into question" the value of the idea. An open mind looks at thequality of its evidence with the same dispassionate attitude it applies to its premises and assumptions. Mindful of the three little pigs which built houses of straw, twigs and brick, the open mind seeks bricks and mortar which can withstand the huffing and puffing of the most aggressive wolf.
The open mind asks, "What evidence do I need to gather? Do I know enough? Has anything changed since I last gathered evidence? Is there new data? Is my data complete?"
3. Ideas are based upon logic. Our conclusions and ideasshould flow from logical connections between our premises and our evidence. The open mind keeps asking of its ideas, "Is this logical? Does this makesense? Does this follow from the evidence I gathered? Have I identifiedall the key factors?
Random Advice: Keep all this in mind. An open mind is a key to understanding the world.....
4.06.2003
4.02.2003
3.25.2003
3.24.2003
Ha, im a genius!!!! Im smart, im smart, im S M E i mean S M A R T!! I just solved the biggest problem in the world. Cant let out the word though..sorry.
Well, I ate some wheat things, drank some water, feel like im in heaven. Im sad though, no gummi bears. Mike had all the candy today...i wanted lots, but he was a greedy man and kept to himself with the candy. I ask a good question to all of thee.....
Why is every candy in some form of like a cuddly bear, a worm, or glass bottles, or some shit llike that?? This amazes me. Is it because some people want to feel like they are in power of the world. " Muahahahaha(evil laugh) little gummi bears, bow down to your ruler!! What did you call me? you talk to me, the supreme ruler of the candy bag world? Im 1000000 times your size and your made of jelly, and you are calling me names? You dumb bastard!!! ::bites head off green gummi bear:: (to the red gummi bear) "Go back and tell the others i am not playing games anymore, tell them im coming, and hell is coming with me!!!!!
Why? My only question for you is why? Why do we need to be in control? why do we eat harmless candies who just want to fit in?
Random thought: Reduced fat foods are fake...dont be tricked by these false advertisements!!
Well, I ate some wheat things, drank some water, feel like im in heaven. Im sad though, no gummi bears. Mike had all the candy today...i wanted lots, but he was a greedy man and kept to himself with the candy. I ask a good question to all of thee.....
Why is every candy in some form of like a cuddly bear, a worm, or glass bottles, or some shit llike that?? This amazes me. Is it because some people want to feel like they are in power of the world. " Muahahahaha(evil laugh) little gummi bears, bow down to your ruler!! What did you call me? you talk to me, the supreme ruler of the candy bag world? Im 1000000 times your size and your made of jelly, and you are calling me names? You dumb bastard!!! ::bites head off green gummi bear:: (to the red gummi bear) "Go back and tell the others i am not playing games anymore, tell them im coming, and hell is coming with me!!!!!
Why? My only question for you is why? Why do we need to be in control? why do we eat harmless candies who just want to fit in?
Random thought: Reduced fat foods are fake...dont be tricked by these false advertisements!!
3.23.2003
Breathing, Dreaming, Living!
You ever have those times in your life when you just smile? Just driving by yourself, late at night, and all of a sudden you smile, and feel good. Well, i had that again last night. I believe that im understanding it all for the first time. A long road its been.
There are things in this world that we do, we arent sure why, but we just do it cause it makes sense at the time. We got lost in our lies, and surrender to the truth, and thats when we break free. Free to make the choice to move on. To escape from what has held us prisoner all this time.
A cant explain this all yet, i just know ive moved on. To better things? Im not sure, but mistakes ive made, and things ive neglected, and people i forgot about, and people ive hurt will remember me for what i am in their eyes. But rest assured, my views of them, and others are different now, clear, positive. Ive analyzed my life up till this point in time, realized i have made alot of mistakes. I have been misguided for the longest time. Lost values, lost cares, lost feelings of what is the most important. There was breaking point though, maybe in a dream, maybe it was there all alone and i was didnt want to admit it.......
The truth, and despite how stupid you think i am for saying it, and no matter how many times you've heard people say it....
Your life is yours...Do what makes you happy.. dont try to impress the others, and dont lose track of what really makes you happy. Think first about what you want, not what the others expect of you.
Dont let the world Misguide you....
You ever have those times in your life when you just smile? Just driving by yourself, late at night, and all of a sudden you smile, and feel good. Well, i had that again last night. I believe that im understanding it all for the first time. A long road its been.
There are things in this world that we do, we arent sure why, but we just do it cause it makes sense at the time. We got lost in our lies, and surrender to the truth, and thats when we break free. Free to make the choice to move on. To escape from what has held us prisoner all this time.
A cant explain this all yet, i just know ive moved on. To better things? Im not sure, but mistakes ive made, and things ive neglected, and people i forgot about, and people ive hurt will remember me for what i am in their eyes. But rest assured, my views of them, and others are different now, clear, positive. Ive analyzed my life up till this point in time, realized i have made alot of mistakes. I have been misguided for the longest time. Lost values, lost cares, lost feelings of what is the most important. There was breaking point though, maybe in a dream, maybe it was there all alone and i was didnt want to admit it.......
The truth, and despite how stupid you think i am for saying it, and no matter how many times you've heard people say it....
Your life is yours...Do what makes you happy.. dont try to impress the others, and dont lose track of what really makes you happy. Think first about what you want, not what the others expect of you.
Dont let the world Misguide you....
This is just some babble..
My brain isnt working two god ryte nwo.
I ned too whipe ti cleen.
Today, Sunday, is different from the other days of the week. Most everyone is waking up just about now (12:35 p.m.). They are opening their eyes and wondering where they are and how they got there. As the day goes on, they realize all the dumb shit they did the night before. With alcohol and other such substances still on their breath they stumble around the day. And around 6 p.m., they remember almost everything from the night before mainly thanks to the people that wernt as fucked up as you. And since we live in Flushing, people make it their job to relay every bit of gossup around to everyone. Why? They have nothing better to do than just make people feel bad so their cool level rises a few points. I find myself doing the same thing. Its very sad none-the-less.
I woke up around 10:33:46 a.m.. I left my computer on last night to download all the pink floyd cds. Also to play relaxing piano music. Since then I have accomplished nothing but eating some cereal. Not too good of a day so far. Yeah.
I think I might as well just sleep the rest of the day away. Well, until my mom gets home and starts yelling at me for gay shit. Thanks for making my life as hard and stressfull as you possible can.. thanks for never being there for me.. thanks for not loving me unconditionably.. and thanks for all the shit i take from you.
There. Now I feel better.
Random Thought: "Road Trippin'"
Road trippin' with my two favorite allies
Fully loaded we got snacks and supplies
It's time to leave this town
It's time to steal away
Let's go get lost
Anywhere in the U.S.A.
Let's go get lost
Let's go get lost
[Chorus:]
Blue you sit so pretty
West of the one
Sparkles light with yellow icing
Just a mirror for the sun
Just a mirror for the sun
Just a mirror for the sun
These Smiling eyes are just a mirror for
So much as come before those battles lost and
won
This life is shining more forever in the sun
Now let us check our heads
And let us check the surf
Staying high and dry's
More trouble than it's worth
In the sun
Just a mirror for the sun
Just a mirror for the sun
Just a mirror for the sun
These Smiling eyes are just a mirror for
In Big Sur we take some time to linger on
We three hunky dory's got our snakefinger on
Now let us drink the stars
It's time to steal away
Let's go get lost
Right here in the U.S.A
[Chorus]
These smiling eyes are just a mirror for
These smiling eyes are just a mirror for
Your smiling eyes are just a mirror for
My brain isnt working two god ryte nwo.
I ned too whipe ti cleen.
Today, Sunday, is different from the other days of the week. Most everyone is waking up just about now (12:35 p.m.). They are opening their eyes and wondering where they are and how they got there. As the day goes on, they realize all the dumb shit they did the night before. With alcohol and other such substances still on their breath they stumble around the day. And around 6 p.m., they remember almost everything from the night before mainly thanks to the people that wernt as fucked up as you. And since we live in Flushing, people make it their job to relay every bit of gossup around to everyone. Why? They have nothing better to do than just make people feel bad so their cool level rises a few points. I find myself doing the same thing. Its very sad none-the-less.
I woke up around 10:33:46 a.m.. I left my computer on last night to download all the pink floyd cds. Also to play relaxing piano music. Since then I have accomplished nothing but eating some cereal. Not too good of a day so far. Yeah.
I think I might as well just sleep the rest of the day away. Well, until my mom gets home and starts yelling at me for gay shit. Thanks for making my life as hard and stressfull as you possible can.. thanks for never being there for me.. thanks for not loving me unconditionably.. and thanks for all the shit i take from you.
There. Now I feel better.
Random Thought: "Road Trippin'"
Road trippin' with my two favorite allies
Fully loaded we got snacks and supplies
It's time to leave this town
It's time to steal away
Let's go get lost
Anywhere in the U.S.A.
Let's go get lost
Let's go get lost
[Chorus:]
Blue you sit so pretty
West of the one
Sparkles light with yellow icing
Just a mirror for the sun
Just a mirror for the sun
Just a mirror for the sun
These Smiling eyes are just a mirror for
So much as come before those battles lost and
won
This life is shining more forever in the sun
Now let us check our heads
And let us check the surf
Staying high and dry's
More trouble than it's worth
In the sun
Just a mirror for the sun
Just a mirror for the sun
Just a mirror for the sun
These Smiling eyes are just a mirror for
In Big Sur we take some time to linger on
We three hunky dory's got our snakefinger on
Now let us drink the stars
It's time to steal away
Let's go get lost
Right here in the U.S.A
[Chorus]
These smiling eyes are just a mirror for
These smiling eyes are just a mirror for
Your smiling eyes are just a mirror for
3.19.2003
Okay. I'm going to try something new. There may be errors.
i started driving home last night. i didnt expect things to get so out of hand. laura and las vegas just were not working for me. the only thing i could think about was my reponsiblities. my job.. my wife.. i havnt talked to her three weeks now. i almost regret walking away from it that saterday. although i know i wouldnt miss the weather. i dont know what will happen when i show up at the front door in these dirty clothes.
i just hope she will take me back. according to my math, i should be somewhere in colorado by now. its 6 am and the sunrise coming over the rockys is beatiful. theres some snow on the ground but nothing my dakota cant handle.
the gas gauge is on e. thats definately no good. i havnt seen a gas station as long as i can remember. billboards clutter the landscape. advertising health care plans and special deals on sunglasses. so sad how the world is today.
the winnings at the casinos wernt too bad but thats thanks to black jack of course. theres something about that game that ive always been able to sense. "hit me" i said as i looked at my hands. "nineteen" said the tall emotionless gentleman handing out cards. "ill stay" i said, still looking at my hands. i closed my eyes as the rush of warm air filled the room. in silence i sit and wait for the dealer. "you win sir" said the gentleman. four red chips and one blue. 300 dollars just like that. i left the table to get myself a drink. double scotch and a lemon. dont ask me why, i just love the citrus after burning the hell out of my throat.
oh yeah, back to the road. i checked the time again and it was 6:24. i forgot to set my watch ahead but i dont see a point in doing that anyway. I believe that worrying about time too much causes stress. lots of it too.
the sky is full of yellows and different hues of blue. *clunk clunk* *chug*. well there goes the last reserves of gas. catching up on sleep, i have found, is the best mental releaf one can have.
i didnt dream much, i never did. but when i do remember my dreams, i can usually control them. thats called lucid dreaming or something to that effect.
Maybe I will write more about this later.
Maybe not.
Random Thought: Never take advantage of the ones that care about you, it will only hurt more in the end.
i started driving home last night. i didnt expect things to get so out of hand. laura and las vegas just were not working for me. the only thing i could think about was my reponsiblities. my job.. my wife.. i havnt talked to her three weeks now. i almost regret walking away from it that saterday. although i know i wouldnt miss the weather. i dont know what will happen when i show up at the front door in these dirty clothes.
i just hope she will take me back. according to my math, i should be somewhere in colorado by now. its 6 am and the sunrise coming over the rockys is beatiful. theres some snow on the ground but nothing my dakota cant handle.
the gas gauge is on e. thats definately no good. i havnt seen a gas station as long as i can remember. billboards clutter the landscape. advertising health care plans and special deals on sunglasses. so sad how the world is today.
the winnings at the casinos wernt too bad but thats thanks to black jack of course. theres something about that game that ive always been able to sense. "hit me" i said as i looked at my hands. "nineteen" said the tall emotionless gentleman handing out cards. "ill stay" i said, still looking at my hands. i closed my eyes as the rush of warm air filled the room. in silence i sit and wait for the dealer. "you win sir" said the gentleman. four red chips and one blue. 300 dollars just like that. i left the table to get myself a drink. double scotch and a lemon. dont ask me why, i just love the citrus after burning the hell out of my throat.
oh yeah, back to the road. i checked the time again and it was 6:24. i forgot to set my watch ahead but i dont see a point in doing that anyway. I believe that worrying about time too much causes stress. lots of it too.
the sky is full of yellows and different hues of blue. *clunk clunk* *chug*. well there goes the last reserves of gas. catching up on sleep, i have found, is the best mental releaf one can have.
i didnt dream much, i never did. but when i do remember my dreams, i can usually control them. thats called lucid dreaming or something to that effect.
Maybe I will write more about this later.
Maybe not.
Random Thought: Never take advantage of the ones that care about you, it will only hurt more in the end.
3.18.2003
3.16.2003
3.14.2003
3.09.2003
3.07.2003
It has come to my attention that apple trees are being used for alternate purposes. I dont mind this but the disturbing part of it is, when I took a shower today, instead of the regular shampoo Im so used to using, I was shocked to find myself using an all natural apple based shampoo. And if that wasnt enough, its called " Bin Laden's All Natural Apple Cinnamin Champoo of Doom Death and Distruction ". Why "Champoo" ? Good question. And I cant tell you why.. maybe you should ask legendary rock legend.... Queen.
Well, I dont think Queen ever existed. Maybe gay people just wanted some music to listen to. Or maybe not.
Maybe instead of asking Queen, ask another legendary band.. Kansas.
Ok, enough nonsense.
My head hurts now..
Random Thought: All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, and put the pieces back together my way.
Well, I dont think Queen ever existed. Maybe gay people just wanted some music to listen to. Or maybe not.
Maybe instead of asking Queen, ask another legendary band.. Kansas.
Ok, enough nonsense.
My head hurts now..
Random Thought: All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, and put the pieces back together my way.
3.05.2003
Oh snap, another day, another time. I almost rear ended someone speeding to pick someone up and it was crazy. Crazy like the time some one pissed on Dan the man's bathroom seat as his party. We called MTV crime labs to figure it out, but they decided to put us on hold which really meant hang up and laugh at us on the other line.
But seriously, i went sledding today, i did three backflips then went through a thorn bush thing and all these little spike balls stuck to my shirt. It was kinda silly but ok since we were sledding.
Anyways, i was just thinking about nuclear holocaust a minute ago cause i had a weird dream about it. See the dream had this giant bomb built by terrists and for some reason it was built in flushing michigan. At first i thought "why flushing" then reallized it was a perfect small town where ppl dont question their neighbors mostly because they are mostly senior citizens. I mean i never botherd my neighbor and she was like 100 years old and died for two weeks and nobody knew about it. Privacy up the wahooo!!!! (RIP neighbor lady)
Anyways, with all this privacy a bomb was built, a big one. So im sitting on my front porch and it was summer and i was eating chex mix with brent and i had a cherry coke can but it was like 3 feet tall for some reason. And i see this bomb shoot up over the trees, but it only went about 400 ft up and came back down and blew up. this huge mushroom cloud went up and i started freaking out...so did brent. For some reason the next thing i new i was running down all these stairs to this bomb shelter, and no one else was coming, so i ran back up. There was mass hysteria and no chex mix so i ran back down by myself. It was weird, i didnt know what to do so i woke up.
Now seriously, after a deam like that im scared. Scared of chex mix like its a sign of nuclear holocaust, and im afraid of summer, but im sick of winter..even if i do like sledding.
Time to go now, maybe ill spurt out some more later on....
Dr. Gonzo
Wait..
Random thought: Why did these once soft fresh chewy cookies get cold and crunchy in the time i saw a movie????
But seriously, i went sledding today, i did three backflips then went through a thorn bush thing and all these little spike balls stuck to my shirt. It was kinda silly but ok since we were sledding.
Anyways, i was just thinking about nuclear holocaust a minute ago cause i had a weird dream about it. See the dream had this giant bomb built by terrists and for some reason it was built in flushing michigan. At first i thought "why flushing" then reallized it was a perfect small town where ppl dont question their neighbors mostly because they are mostly senior citizens. I mean i never botherd my neighbor and she was like 100 years old and died for two weeks and nobody knew about it. Privacy up the wahooo!!!! (RIP neighbor lady)
Anyways, with all this privacy a bomb was built, a big one. So im sitting on my front porch and it was summer and i was eating chex mix with brent and i had a cherry coke can but it was like 3 feet tall for some reason. And i see this bomb shoot up over the trees, but it only went about 400 ft up and came back down and blew up. this huge mushroom cloud went up and i started freaking out...so did brent. For some reason the next thing i new i was running down all these stairs to this bomb shelter, and no one else was coming, so i ran back up. There was mass hysteria and no chex mix so i ran back down by myself. It was weird, i didnt know what to do so i woke up.
Now seriously, after a deam like that im scared. Scared of chex mix like its a sign of nuclear holocaust, and im afraid of summer, but im sick of winter..even if i do like sledding.
Time to go now, maybe ill spurt out some more later on....
Dr. Gonzo
Wait..
Random thought: Why did these once soft fresh chewy cookies get cold and crunchy in the time i saw a movie????
3.04.2003
Badda bing badda boom, baiyo up in this room, dealing out his doom, gets his powers from the moon, eats his frosted flakes with a tony the tiger spoon.. Now i know you aint frontin, cause you aint got nothin on me, living so free, i just may be, the first for the thirst to explode in a burst of flames, just playing games, getting my brand new name some fame.
Thats my rhyme i made up while cooking a Chicken spinach artichoke alfredo without the artichokes or the alfredo... Heres one i made up when i was watching the A-team.
Goat moats, goat moats, trying to stay afloat in boat goat
Damn, my skills are improving everyday and every minute, the training and steroids and robotic super jet powered titanium alloy plunger arm gun with lasers has helped defeat my many foes with ease. I was worried about the rust and realized titanium alloy wont rust if i use wd40. I ate some more steroids now i feel funny ...strong ...strength increasing!!!! ill curl 1000 pounds like i will curl my mothers hair!!! many fun fun time for a super strong crime whle i rhyme!
::exiting the house through the human shaped hole i just made with me new super strengthness::
Random though for Mike: if you party your ass off you wont be able to use the bathroom anymore. packing your own lunch doesnt make you a man.
Thats my rhyme i made up while cooking a Chicken spinach artichoke alfredo without the artichokes or the alfredo... Heres one i made up when i was watching the A-team.
Goat moats, goat moats, trying to stay afloat in boat goat
Damn, my skills are improving everyday and every minute, the training and steroids and robotic super jet powered titanium alloy plunger arm gun with lasers has helped defeat my many foes with ease. I was worried about the rust and realized titanium alloy wont rust if i use wd40. I ate some more steroids now i feel funny ...strong ...strength increasing!!!! ill curl 1000 pounds like i will curl my mothers hair!!! many fun fun time for a super strong crime whle i rhyme!
::exiting the house through the human shaped hole i just made with me new super strengthness::
Random though for Mike: if you party your ass off you wont be able to use the bathroom anymore. packing your own lunch doesnt make you a man.
So Im going to the Pistons/Rockets game tonight.. that should be some good times.
Im going accompanied by my fine friends andy and jon. That's the plan atleast.
I cant wait to see Yao Ming, a 7'5 296 pound china-man, run his skinny-ass body around the court acting all foreign like.
Well shit, I guess i should go get ready or take a nap or do my homework or something.
Maybe I'll post something tomorrow if I find some time.
Big Ben vs. Yao, Round II baby!
Random Thought: If you make yourself out to be stuckup and hard minded, you'll sink like the useless stone you are.
Im going accompanied by my fine friends andy and jon. That's the plan atleast.
I cant wait to see Yao Ming, a 7'5 296 pound china-man, run his skinny-ass body around the court acting all foreign like.
Well shit, I guess i should go get ready or take a nap or do my homework or something.
Maybe I'll post something tomorrow if I find some time.
Big Ben vs. Yao, Round II baby!
Random Thought: If you make yourself out to be stuckup and hard minded, you'll sink like the useless stone you are.
3.02.2003
If i choose to kill you the police aint solvin it cuz ima nobody and nobody is witnessing this robbery and after i kill you ill kill myself probaly thats right im gonna kill you now im so sorry but i got all of your money and the keys to your ferrai and thats ill i need i knew that you will fall indeed and the cops pulled up while i watched your neck bleed and they pulled out all they guns at me and yelled freeze i put a screwdriver to my throat and fell to my knees
Palm Trees and bumblebees
defining ill, do what i can to kill you still, so theres no struggle cause nothings stronger than will, hate stronger than fate, death quicker than life, but still rise above all the strife, flying higher than all of the bumble bees, sting hurts worse than in the back of your knees, preventing catastrophies, stabbing you in the throat with apostophes, because im a profit thats complex, so whats next, getting palm trees stabbed in your neck, what the heck? of what the fuck? i really cant rap becasue i have no luck, but in this position you are stuck, like a fly to paper, you see the caper, burning fake rappers to merely vapors.
defining ill, do what i can to kill you still, so theres no struggle cause nothings stronger than will, hate stronger than fate, death quicker than life, but still rise above all the strife, flying higher than all of the bumble bees, sting hurts worse than in the back of your knees, preventing catastrophies, stabbing you in the throat with apostophes, because im a profit thats complex, so whats next, getting palm trees stabbed in your neck, what the heck? of what the fuck? i really cant rap becasue i have no luck, but in this position you are stuck, like a fly to paper, you see the caper, burning fake rappers to merely vapors.
3.01.2003
Heres my newest rhyme i made up earlier when i was eating cereal with Dan and Josh man.
I decided to make a gang, while i was drinking tang, then the telephone rang, and put my ears in pain, knew a kung fu master named Kane, who was watching white fang, lickin up a pile of cocaine, i write my name in my hanes, but got caffeine in my veins, drove thru the lanes, then had orange chicken up the ying yang, i work with a computer programmer named Wayne, he wish he had a girlfriend named jane, so she could play with his wang.
Funkysta Flex Flixa Homie G Funk Cash Money Records,
Copy. Baiyo
9:30am (eating cereal) thanks to all the General Mills cereal that helped my thinking and eating processes,
Dedicated to Mike who wishes he had the rhyme skills i gots!
By the way Golden Grams are the best cereal in the world and theres a cop out front i gotta go and talk to them with Dan and Josh man goodbye!
Dr. Gonzo
Random Thought: I was walking down the street once and i was like "man i wonder what dogs think about when they eat computers and batteries" is there some hidden energy or carbohydrate the human race has not found about yet? Maybe batteries are our golden ticket to the future for weight loss programs and muscle training and dieting stuff. But then again it could be that batteriess and computers are just for humans and dogs dont understand their real uses and just want to fit in. We use these objects to figure shit out...dogs just eat them because they dont have morals.
I decided to make a gang, while i was drinking tang, then the telephone rang, and put my ears in pain, knew a kung fu master named Kane, who was watching white fang, lickin up a pile of cocaine, i write my name in my hanes, but got caffeine in my veins, drove thru the lanes, then had orange chicken up the ying yang, i work with a computer programmer named Wayne, he wish he had a girlfriend named jane, so she could play with his wang.
Funkysta Flex Flixa Homie G Funk Cash Money Records,
Copy. Baiyo
9:30am (eating cereal) thanks to all the General Mills cereal that helped my thinking and eating processes,
Dedicated to Mike who wishes he had the rhyme skills i gots!
By the way Golden Grams are the best cereal in the world and theres a cop out front i gotta go and talk to them with Dan and Josh man goodbye!
Dr. Gonzo
Random Thought: I was walking down the street once and i was like "man i wonder what dogs think about when they eat computers and batteries" is there some hidden energy or carbohydrate the human race has not found about yet? Maybe batteries are our golden ticket to the future for weight loss programs and muscle training and dieting stuff. But then again it could be that batteriess and computers are just for humans and dogs dont understand their real uses and just want to fit in. We use these objects to figure shit out...dogs just eat them because they dont have morals.
2.28.2003
theres no need, to plant your evil seed, make fun of my mom, and get beat, by both feet, i aint sprayin, just sayin, you got issues, and if you misuse, i will cover your face with tissues.
step back from my peeps, cuz we roll deep in jeeps, they got the brooms, and they know how to sweep, my homies eat shrooms in different rooms so you cant find them, i know you want to, but you cant foo, your mom goes moo, ooo!
thats fun fun.
Random Thought: Scott Smells.
step back from my peeps, cuz we roll deep in jeeps, they got the brooms, and they know how to sweep, my homies eat shrooms in different rooms so you cant find them, i know you want to, but you cant foo, your mom goes moo, ooo!
thats fun fun.
Random Thought: Scott Smells.
It seems as though mike does not like to post as much as i, because i can rhyme any time, my hand just touched some slime, mike can dance like a mime, even when he commits a crime, i wish i had 20 dollars but i only have nine, but its ok cause im feeling fine, my car freshner smells like pine, i hate to hear stupid people whine, i wish i had some wine, when i dine, i dont listen to the vines, i drank some milk that wasnt mine, i think this rhyming is a sign to build a shrine (for jesus) good after noon good evening and goodnight
Mike i rhyme with ease, if you please, dont be a tease, let me look underneath, i tend to wheeze in the cold breeze, then fall on my knees, and break my teeth, so just give me your keys, this rhyming will never cease.
Mike you have a mom, her names not tom, but she builds bombs, on her cd rom, with sweaty palms, wish i had some pom-poms
Mike rides a bike, with his friend spike, hes not a dike, but seems to like, when people strike, his little tike, i caught a pike
I had drank some miller, with stacy hiller, in the pillars
put that lotion , into motion, without the notion, of making an evil potion
This is my new rhyme place fun fun spot, where we dont smoke pot, just laugh alot, i might go to mott, but sometimes i think not. Anways i just missed half of Conan O'brian and i am not tired, nor will i be tired cause im an evil non-sleeping mixmaster. Insomnia sucks! But not with ducks, that drive trucks, or that can hit hockey pucks, with mr Huck, the story man without a plan, to get a tan.
Mike i rhyme with ease, if you please, dont be a tease, let me look underneath, i tend to wheeze in the cold breeze, then fall on my knees, and break my teeth, so just give me your keys, this rhyming will never cease.
Mike you have a mom, her names not tom, but she builds bombs, on her cd rom, with sweaty palms, wish i had some pom-poms
Mike rides a bike, with his friend spike, hes not a dike, but seems to like, when people strike, his little tike, i caught a pike
I had drank some miller, with stacy hiller, in the pillars
put that lotion , into motion, without the notion, of making an evil potion
This is my new rhyme place fun fun spot, where we dont smoke pot, just laugh alot, i might go to mott, but sometimes i think not. Anways i just missed half of Conan O'brian and i am not tired, nor will i be tired cause im an evil non-sleeping mixmaster. Insomnia sucks! But not with ducks, that drive trucks, or that can hit hockey pucks, with mr Huck, the story man without a plan, to get a tan.
2.26.2003
Well ladies and gentleman, prepare to see more advice from the doctor here at freakship. Suparshawank.Blogspot.com is no more. Is this a good or bad thing? We don't really know, and don't really care. Sometimes people miss the simple purpose of life...oh yeah, and the fact that america gives us freedom of speech. On an ending note to that subject, the website is gone, and so are my goals of helping someone see what they truly are. This has been a great learning experience for the doctor. It seems that once people mess their lives up bad enough, they get in denial that its going bad, and therefore defend it, and never live a happy life. So will i try to change these people for the better? Nope, conscience is gone and its all the better to let these people die sad and lonely princesses and princes...hahahahaha dumb bastards.
On another note, i love breyers butter pecan ice cream!! its delicious! Even more delicious then the most delicious thing i've ever eaten..(babies)
I only tried eating babies because someone said it tasted good. Me being a pescimist, i had to try it. Main reason for trying it was because i heard most wild animals like bears and great white sharks love human flesh once they eat it, and are addicted to it for the rest of their life once they tried it. The rumors are true, babies are delicious. However, being a vegetarian i had the Morning Star company brand made from soy and green vegetables. Is imitation as good as the real thing? I hope so, cause imitation babies are delicious!
Anyways, let me tell you about the oppertunity of ice cream. Ice cream has been around since the birth of christ, cause nothing is more heavenly then ice cream. Its a tasy treat that has a solidness to it, but melts away in your mouth, making your taste buds dance with delight. There are ways to enhance your ice cream eating obsessiveness. Maybe putting ice cream on a brownie, putting it in a cone, or by adding sprinkles and many other toppings like cherries, chocalate/strawberry/caramel syrups, nuts, candy crumbles, whip cream, and cherries or any other fruits (except tomatoes)
Don't let your peers or anti-ice cream eating ads tell you that ice cream is wrong. Just cause the goverment won't legalize it doesn't man its bad. Ice cream is not addictive, but is known to be habit forming. It does not cause lung cancer or heart disease, and is proven to help pregnancy run smoother and make your baby do backflips.
Ice cream! My favorite thing in the world!
This is your attorney>>
-Dr. Gonzo
On another note, i love breyers butter pecan ice cream!! its delicious! Even more delicious then the most delicious thing i've ever eaten..(babies)
I only tried eating babies because someone said it tasted good. Me being a pescimist, i had to try it. Main reason for trying it was because i heard most wild animals like bears and great white sharks love human flesh once they eat it, and are addicted to it for the rest of their life once they tried it. The rumors are true, babies are delicious. However, being a vegetarian i had the Morning Star company brand made from soy and green vegetables. Is imitation as good as the real thing? I hope so, cause imitation babies are delicious!
Anyways, let me tell you about the oppertunity of ice cream. Ice cream has been around since the birth of christ, cause nothing is more heavenly then ice cream. Its a tasy treat that has a solidness to it, but melts away in your mouth, making your taste buds dance with delight. There are ways to enhance your ice cream eating obsessiveness. Maybe putting ice cream on a brownie, putting it in a cone, or by adding sprinkles and many other toppings like cherries, chocalate/strawberry/caramel syrups, nuts, candy crumbles, whip cream, and cherries or any other fruits (except tomatoes)
Don't let your peers or anti-ice cream eating ads tell you that ice cream is wrong. Just cause the goverment won't legalize it doesn't man its bad. Ice cream is not addictive, but is known to be habit forming. It does not cause lung cancer or heart disease, and is proven to help pregnancy run smoother and make your baby do backflips.
Ice cream! My favorite thing in the world!
This is your attorney>>
-Dr. Gonzo
I feel that if I try to post today I will ramble on about the most non-important issues.. so I wont.
Instead, I'll just let eveyone know that visits this site that I have not forgot about it. Give me a few days to clear my head. Maybe it's just today. Im not too sure.
Be patient, I will post something worthy of being posted soon enough.
Random Thought: Just remember.. all the emotions you feel, you control. Nobody can piss you off, but you can let them piss you off. If your in a bad mood, you put yourself there. Nobody else did. The world can be a beautiful place if you want it to be, but it can also be a very dark and lonesome one. Just depends on how you take it all in.
Instead, I'll just let eveyone know that visits this site that I have not forgot about it. Give me a few days to clear my head. Maybe it's just today. Im not too sure.
Be patient, I will post something worthy of being posted soon enough.
Random Thought: Just remember.. all the emotions you feel, you control. Nobody can piss you off, but you can let them piss you off. If your in a bad mood, you put yourself there. Nobody else did. The world can be a beautiful place if you want it to be, but it can also be a very dark and lonesome one. Just depends on how you take it all in.
2.23.2003
What a beautiful day. Im possibly in the best mood ive been in in a very long time. Possibly the best in 5+ years. Yeah, that good.
And it's all thanks to one person. One that has stayed by my side through some very hard times for me. Mainly emotional. Last night was great. Just laying next to her is good enough for me, as long as I am around her, nothing else really matters. She made four hours feel like one. And I mean that in the best way possible. Lets just say we kept each other busy.
The best thing in the world is waking up next to the person you treasure the most. Despite what both of us look like in the morning :).
Anyway, the dance was fun even though it is a highschool dance. I got up onto a chair and got my groove on. Shakin' mah booty. You know how it is. Just acting crazy and loving it.
Random Thought: So take, these broken wings.
And learn to fly again.
Learn to live so free.
When we hear the voices sing, the book of love will open up, and let us in.
Mr. Mister - Broken Wings
And it's all thanks to one person. One that has stayed by my side through some very hard times for me. Mainly emotional. Last night was great. Just laying next to her is good enough for me, as long as I am around her, nothing else really matters. She made four hours feel like one. And I mean that in the best way possible. Lets just say we kept each other busy.
The best thing in the world is waking up next to the person you treasure the most. Despite what both of us look like in the morning :).
Anyway, the dance was fun even though it is a highschool dance. I got up onto a chair and got my groove on. Shakin' mah booty. You know how it is. Just acting crazy and loving it.
Random Thought: So take, these broken wings.
And learn to fly again.
Learn to live so free.
When we hear the voices sing, the book of love will open up, and let us in.
Mr. Mister - Broken Wings
2.22.2003
Well now that I feel better, I think ill actually be able to enjoy myself today. Sadies is today. Fun.
I went to the mall to get a shirt and tie yesterday. Fucking $68.90 for a shirt and tie. Not even the most expensive ones either. That pisses me off. That's a rip off. But, I sappose it's worth it though.
Im at a loss for words, something in my mind wont let anything else be processed. I dont even know what im stuck on. Something in my subconscious.
Oh well. I'll let it fix itself.
Random Thought: None
I went to the mall to get a shirt and tie yesterday. Fucking $68.90 for a shirt and tie. Not even the most expensive ones either. That pisses me off. That's a rip off. But, I sappose it's worth it though.
Im at a loss for words, something in my mind wont let anything else be processed. I dont even know what im stuck on. Something in my subconscious.
Oh well. I'll let it fix itself.
Random Thought: None
2.21.2003
and i cried when you shut the door..
my head felt like it hit the floor..
i dont think you want it anymore..
i tried to explain what i felt..
but i couldnt find the words..
i wish i could go back
to the times when i felt joy.
somethings holding me back
and it has a tight grip.
its not you, it never has been.
its kind of like when..
when you know it will just end..
and you wont even look at me as a friend..
that is the most disappointing..
the most frustrating..
but its not you, it never has been.
you put up with a lot, i understand.
ill try to change the hand..
that god gave me
and if he saves me
i will be whole once again.
Random Thought: It sucks when you cant get out of a rut..
my head felt like it hit the floor..
i dont think you want it anymore..
i tried to explain what i felt..
but i couldnt find the words..
i wish i could go back
to the times when i felt joy.
somethings holding me back
and it has a tight grip.
its not you, it never has been.
its kind of like when..
when you know it will just end..
and you wont even look at me as a friend..
that is the most disappointing..
the most frustrating..
but its not you, it never has been.
you put up with a lot, i understand.
ill try to change the hand..
that god gave me
and if he saves me
i will be whole once again.
Random Thought: It sucks when you cant get out of a rut..
Today sucked hardcore. No reason why, but I can tell it's only going to get worse.
Something in my stomach tells me to avoid outside..
It's the chill in the air..
It's the calm in the sky..
Blah.
Anyway, tonight will be a boring one.. unless my friend gonzo can have some people over.
If things keep pointing towards disaster, it wont happen.
I guess i'll just close my eyes and see where life leads me.
Random Thought: Do we, as a whole, ever learn from our mistakes?
Something in my stomach tells me to avoid outside..
It's the chill in the air..
It's the calm in the sky..
Blah.
Anyway, tonight will be a boring one.. unless my friend gonzo can have some people over.
If things keep pointing towards disaster, it wont happen.
I guess i'll just close my eyes and see where life leads me.
Random Thought: Do we, as a whole, ever learn from our mistakes?
With alot hate in the world, especially giveth off by myself towards certain people, there is still that fine point where i can sti back and relax and speak my mind. Thank you Freakship.
As recent conflicts have escalated, i felt the over powering presence of guilt. This guilt has come from what is a trying to repair itself conscience. Yes, there are people who have messed up views on life, and they can be the biggest assholes you know, and despite how much i don't want to admit it, i feel sorry for them. Something is extremely wrong with these people, they can no longer love others but only themselves. It makes me wanna step in and be the mature one, but at the same time i know it will have no effect because once again they come out on top and not at fault.
..This is why i let my alter ego take over and take their self esteem and outlook on life away peice by piece only to eventually achieve total distruction of these retarded morals they have. Die morals, die!!! And i have your self esteem held hostage till you admit you are a piece of shit...then i will begin giveing you that self esteem back (half charred by flames and eaten by termites)
Advice from the flip side
-This is Dr. Gonzo
As recent conflicts have escalated, i felt the over powering presence of guilt. This guilt has come from what is a trying to repair itself conscience. Yes, there are people who have messed up views on life, and they can be the biggest assholes you know, and despite how much i don't want to admit it, i feel sorry for them. Something is extremely wrong with these people, they can no longer love others but only themselves. It makes me wanna step in and be the mature one, but at the same time i know it will have no effect because once again they come out on top and not at fault.
..This is why i let my alter ego take over and take their self esteem and outlook on life away peice by piece only to eventually achieve total distruction of these retarded morals they have. Die morals, die!!! And i have your self esteem held hostage till you admit you are a piece of shit...then i will begin giveing you that self esteem back (half charred by flames and eaten by termites)
Advice from the flip side
-This is Dr. Gonzo
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